Gransnet forums


A plea for tact....

(30 Posts)
Luckygirl Thu 17-Dec-20 12:38:06

There are many Gransnetters who will be spending Christmas alone; some through bereavement and many (like me) for the first time.

We would love to be "just" the two of us this year. Enjoy having your partners with you at Christmas, and bite the bullet on not being able to be with all the family.

Sorry if this sounds a bit preachy; but it is quite hard reading these threads.

Happy Christmas to all - however and with whomever you will spend it.

Maybe we need some sort of link - or even zoom - on Christmas Day for those who will be on their own not through their own choice.

dragonfly46 Thu 17-Dec-20 12:43:41

That is so true Luckygirl and I am very sorry you are spending your first Christmas without your DH alone.
I hope I haven't offended anyone with any comment I may have made.

Toadinthehole Thu 17-Dec-20 12:45:33

Aww, bless you. Yes... I do count myself very blessed to have my husband around still. I think it may be just us two on Christmas Day, and am perfectly happy with that. The risks are just too great at the moment, meeting up with too many family members.
I often feel sad when I think one of us will die, and leave the other one. It comes to us all eventually, and that is a certainty. I embrace every day I have with all the people I love. It sounds like you have many lovely memories.
I’m sure you could start a thread for people on their own over the Christmas period. I know I would definitely contribute if it were me,
I wish you very well, and God bless 💐

Pantglas2 Thu 17-Dec-20 12:57:13

I have so many friends alone (divorce rather than death in most cases) and am mindful that I’m still fortunate to have DH around.

I also know that one day that will change and would certainly join in a link on Christmas Day Luckygirl x

MawBe Thu 17-Dec-20 13:07:29

I have posted this elsewhere

I know I am not unique in this and there are many on GN who are similarly alone, bereaved or whose families live too far away to see them at Christmas
However it is like a tiny dart in my side each time I read “We are spending Christmas on our own” or “my “D/S will be dropping in “ or even “I am meeting up with my DGC for a walk/hot chocolate/Christmas picnic” or whatever

However I don’t begrudge you your Christmas -for many of you it will be a sad time and I honestly don’t think any of us expects the sort of Christmas we may have enjoyed in years gone by.
So sprouts on tchenvy ( = sprout in a Christmas hat)

lemongrove Thu 17-Dec-20 13:16:46

Well said MawB 😃

I understand why many posters will feel sad around Christmas, bereavements, especially recent ones, AC living far away, family estrangements and general loneliness just some of the reasons.
However....this can’t be the reason to prevent posters saying what they will be doing on Festive threads.
Whatever happens in my own life (unknown for all of us) won’t make me begrudge happy times at Christmas for others.
There will be a virtual Christmas Party on GN on the day as there always is, which it may be nice to drop in on with comments throughout the day.

Rufus2 Thu 17-Dec-20 13:24:05

or even zoom - on Christmas Day
Good idea! Host can have my email anytime! Time zones no problem! tchsmile

Callistemon Thu 17-Dec-20 13:28:06

The rules seem to be changing by the day so, even if people have made plans within those rules, it could all change.

I hope you do manage to pop over to see family on Christmas Day Luckygirl, even briefly but, if not, I think we could plan a Thanksgiving get together after this is all over, or at least after we feel safer after having the vaccination.

So sprouts on tchenvy (if not on already, it's a bit late now).
Mine are going on this afternoon.

EllanVannin Thu 17-Dec-20 13:30:52

I'll be here Luckygirl. The " Day " won't be any different to how it's been since March for me so there'll be a running commentary during the day of what I'll be up to---or not.

Luckygirl Thu 17-Dec-20 15:19:35

Please do not think I begrudge anyone their family Christmas! - far from it. I love to hear about people being happy! smile

It just hurts a bit when people complain about spending Christmas with only their partner - I would rejoice to be doing just that very thing!

MissAdventure Thu 17-Dec-20 15:26:40

It's the way of things, which does hurt, but what can any of us do about our personal situations?

AmberSpyglass Thu 17-Dec-20 15:29:19

My heart goes out to anyone who’s lost their partner, but especially this year.

Bluebellwould Thu 17-Dec-20 15:37:03

It’s horrible isn’t it Christmas really seems to whack you in the face when your partner has died. This is my second Christmas without my husband and just after the anniversary of his death so I know exactly what you are feeling and all the others like us. I’m having an operation at beginning of January so I will be having 2 litres of milk and nothing else all day. I’m in Surrey so am now in tier 3 so it’s fun fun fun all the way.

AmberSpyglass Thu 17-Dec-20 15:38:19

Should we have a thread on here for people who might like a bit of virtual company? Maybe sharing memories of christmases you spent with your loved one if it’s not too painful.

Bluebellwould Thu 17-Dec-20 15:41:53

I also meant to say that whilst my circumstances are as above I really don’t want people who still have partners/live with family to feel bad about posting about their lives and happiness. It makes me feel better that some people at least are happy. Just because I have sad times doesn’t mean I want anyone else to feel bad. With much love to you all and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a healthy New Year.

QuaintIrene Thu 17-Dec-20 15:45:11

It’s tough and yes, hurtful when people talk about things. Because people do talk and it’s not meant to cause hurt. Especially husbands. And the petty grievances...meh
I would give 10 years for one more day with him.
But life does go on. The world turns, even though I thought it would stop by sheer will from my grief.
I got a card today from a couple who came to our wedding. Both names. I cried.
But.. it was a card, I was remembered and there is nothing more to do than choke tears and get on.
It’s hard to understand if you haven’t been there
Luckygirl 💐 I will be here as well x

AmberSpyglass Thu 17-Dec-20 15:49:50

QuaintIrene You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel resentful. And the petty things can become things you look back on with such fondness - I’d give anything to have my mother tell me I could do with losing a bit of weight!

Love the username btw

Hetty58 Thu 17-Dec-20 15:50:01

All these assumptions don't help, that's true. The first Christmas without my husband (1996) was pretty grim - for me, the children - and the friend that invited us.

This will be the first one without my long term partner, who died in March. No funeral, no company - grief in isolation for months. It's tough.

Still, I'm doing the only responsible thing and spending Christmas alone. The trick is to largely ignore it and have a quiet, restful day. It is only a day or two, after all.

Don't assume that we need sympathy, company or cheering up - please!

Jane10 Thu 17-Dec-20 16:09:17

It really feels like a zoom session is a good idea. Is anyone willing/able to set one up? I'm not in the same position as you sad ladies but know how important our wee GN zoom session each week has become.

QuaintIrene Thu 17-Dec-20 16:09:38

AmberSpyglass I didn’t realise that I felt resentful. Maybe I feel as though I’m pushing against something bigger than me.
I don’t know.
It’s all part of being human, that’s true.
DH used to annoy me by always wanting a wee just as I put his meal on the table. Never will that be remembered fondly. It’s not worthy of a thread or a conversation starter either.

My mother was a dancer and anorexic. Her constant remarks about my weight are one of the things I don’t miss.
Your username is the best !

Calendargirl Thu 17-Dec-20 16:19:52

To be honest, I am quite looking forward to the day with just my DH and me. We usually spend it with DS and family which is lovely, but the thought of just a simple day on our own is not unpleasant.

Jane10 Thu 17-Dec-20 16:32:05

Calendargirl have you read the thread?

Nortsat Thu 17-Dec-20 16:44:05

Luckygirl a timely and helpful reminder.

I know there are a number of GNs feeling very sad at facing their first Christmas alone, for many reasons. Others are coping with very ill partners and/or significant health issues.

I wholeheartedly agree that tact and kindness should be exercised across many of the threads and not just at Christmas.

I hope Christmas passes as pleasantly as possible for you.

Lisagran Thu 17-Dec-20 16:46:16

Calendargirl hmm

crazyH Thu 17-Dec-20 16:47:07

I used to love Xmas, but not anymore. Reason? It was at a Christmas party that I discovered/suspected that my husband was having an affair. Not long after that, he left me for her. They are now married. I should be over it, and I have, really. But, Xmas brings back all the hurt I felt at that time.
Never mind......water under the bridge. Have a lovely Christmas everyone 🍾🍷🎶❤️