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'Twas a Pandemic Christmas!

(47 Posts)
merlotgran Mon 21-Dec-20 22:19:10

Twas a pandemic Christmas and all through the house
We had sanitised everything, even the mouse,
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
They had been through the hot wash and dried in fresh air

The children were finally tucked in their beds
While visions of play stations danced in their heads,
The wife in her Gin Jams while sneaking some chocs
Settled down on the sofa in front of the box

When out on the lawn there arose such a racket,
A tall Covid marshall in bright high-viz jacket
And some hapless fly tippers who fled from his rage,
He bowed when I clapped him as though on a stage

The moon on the breast of the new fallen slush
Showed the grass needed cutting but now there's no rush,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear
Than a socially distancing herd of reindeer.

Boris, the herdsman not lively nor quick
May once in his lifetime have looked like St Nick
But he bumbled and flustered - so much of the same,
Attempting control and to call them by name

'Now, Hancock, now Van Tam, now oh um er Whitty
Where's Dom? Oh, he's gone. Why is Carrie still shitty?'
To the garden next door, to the gap in the wall,
The reindeer just dashed away, dashed away all.

The leaves that I should have swept up weeks ago
Make a treacherous obstacle as we all know,
When a noise on the roof woke the kids with a bump,
They all cried, 'Hey Dad!' We can see Donald Trump!

And then in a twinkling I heard a voice shout,
'The election was rigged and I'm not moving out.'
As I scratched my poor head and was turning around
Down the chimney the Donald appeared with a bound.

He was dressed in a suit from his head to his foot
And his fake tan was tarnished with ashes and soot
A bundle of golf clubs was flung on his back
And he crouched 'neath a caddy instead of a sack

His eyes were still scornful, his attitude sneery,
His hairpiece had slipped. He looked beaten and weary,
His strange little mouth was drawn up in an 'Oh'
As he's not in our bubble I told him to Go!

I put on my mask and bade him do the same.
And told him that Covid's no longer a game.
His arrogant gaze and a neck made of brass
Made me hope the wet leaves would leave him on his arse.

He was chubby like Boris and full of himself
And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.
A shrug of his shoulders and shake of his head
Made me want to shout, 'Biden!' - a name he must dread

He spoke not a word and went straight to his work
Spreading germs to the stockings, he's still a prize jerk!
Then, 'So long, folks, So long, folks'. He left in a trice,
Have you noticed how Donald says everything twice?

He called for his sleigh but the reindeers had flown.
He yelled, Track and Trace (twice) but the signal was down
And I heard him exclaim as he walked out of sight,
'Happy Christmas to ME....What a night, What a night!'

Hope it makes you smile. Happy Christmas from Me! tchgrin

MawBe Mon 21-Dec-20 22:22:40

Love it! tchgrintchgrin
Thank you!

Luckygirl Mon 21-Dec-20 22:34:24


Chewbacca Mon 21-Dec-20 22:41:17

Your best yet merlot! tchsmile

Lucretzia Mon 21-Dec-20 22:41:54

I like this!

We had sanitised everything, even the mouse,

Hilarious smile

grumppa Mon 21-Dec-20 22:43:21

Great stuff!

Patsy70 Mon 21-Dec-20 22:44:43


EllanVannin Mon 21-Dec-20 22:45:01

Fantastic. grin

Shinamae Mon 21-Dec-20 22:51:58

Absolutely fabulous 🀩

Doodle Mon 21-Dec-20 22:54:23

Ε΄onderful merlot πŸ˜€

Callistemon Mon 21-Dec-20 23:25:01

Cheered me up, merlot


Marydoll Mon 21-Dec-20 23:31:25

Thank you, Merlot. I really enjoyed reading that!
Just what we all needed!

GrandmaKT Mon 21-Dec-20 23:40:37

Very clever. Merry Christmas tchsmile

Grannynannywanny Tue 22-Dec-20 00:05:09

That’s very funny!

dragonfly46 Tue 22-Dec-20 00:25:22


MissAdventure Tue 22-Dec-20 00:43:53

Thank you smile

BBbevan Tue 22-Dec-20 05:17:08

Well done. Absolutely super. Will read that to DH, when he wakes up.

Bellasnana Tue 22-Dec-20 05:36:15


Ashcombe Tue 22-Dec-20 05:54:31

This is absolutely brilliant, merlotgran! Very clever indeed. Thank you! πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ˜€

Calendargirl Tue 22-Dec-20 06:03:24


LauraNorder Tue 22-Dec-20 07:04:35

Such talent Merlot, very amusing.

Beechnut Tue 22-Dec-20 07:16:01

I loved it merlot, thank you.

mokryna Tue 22-Dec-20 07:22:13

Thank you merlot, brightened my day.

GrannyGravy13 Tue 22-Dec-20 07:29:54


Sar53 Tue 22-Dec-20 07:42:55