Should I Say Something ?

A genuine question - why is a text not a 'proper thank you'?

Texting (or SMS - 'short message service') is just another way of communicating. The intention is the same as it would be using any other communication method, ie to say thank you for your gifts.

I know it is a relatively new way of communicating, so for some people it seems unconventional, but I don't understand why this means that it is not seen as a 'proper' thank you.

Cards are a relatively recent phenomenon, and postage stamps didn't come in until the 19th century. Even then, not everyone could read or afford a penny for a stamp. Would they have been considered 'not a real thank you' back then, as the thanks weren't delivered in person? Who knows, but times do change, and it's a shame that so often there are those who see any form of change as a lowering of standards.

I think any small and thoughtful present, not expensive, would have been appreciated by you. My three married and adult children always give me a present(s) for Christmas, birthday and Mother’s Day. In pre-Covid days I would babysit and help out when I could and I think that’s their way of thanking me. Your feelings are legitimate and I find it odd that you didn’t receive a a small gift or a card at Christmas. It’s been a strange and tough year though - see what happens next Christmas ....

Very generous gifts and in return it would be respectful if they sent you a personal thank you - via text or card or a phone call. When I send things to my step great grandson - nothing overly expensive - his mum and dad always send me a very personal thank you in messenger or by text. Makes me feel they appreciate it and the gifts are not taken for granted. I was a bit concerned this year as I’d sent them Christmas things and didn’t get a thank you for ages. Not their fault - the post took a long time and when it did arrive they both send separate thank yous. Only takes a couple of mins and costs nothing!

Over the years I bought my daughter many large items when she could not afford them. It would have seemed odd to me to receive a thank you card from her. She would say thank you and give me a hug and kiss. Maybe it is because that cannot happen that people expect cards.

We all buy our children things, at what value level do people expect a thank you card.

As kthers have said so many people dont send christmas cards any more. However Id have been pretty disappointed to be thanked by text and to not get a small gift (chocs) from a child of mine!

Don't let your gifts come with martyrdom.

It's a young person thing. Send them a Moonpig or e:card next birthday or just a text, as a hint. I have decided that if I don't get cards or a thank you I pull back a little, do less and sometimes get a result! I try not to make any relationship with anyone dependent on getting cards or thank yous. I decided long ago not to make a big deal out of this and am happy with an occasional text/video call/Whats App or whatever they find time for. You can choose to be the person who "gives and does not to count the cost and not seek anything in return" or something like that

Marilla...I agree with you.
A spoken heartfelt thanks would be enough for me.

Although you were thanked for your generous gifts I do feel a card at Christmas whether they normally send cards or not with a special Thank You mentioned would have been thoughtful. You didn't need to offer such expensive gifts or any gifts at all so a very small considerate show of appreciation would be good. Of course if you feel there is lack of appreciation of what you do just don't bother with any more gifts or at least so expensive ones. It's all very well receiving a texted card but when you are just part of the 'round robin' message it does seem to be belittled in your curcumstances.

It would have been nice of them to have at least sent a card, extra to a text but whatever anyone says, these are not normal times.
Maybe next time you speak to your DS or fiancee, just ask if the vacuum is working okay and if it was the one that they wanted, because you weren't sure as you hadn't heard anything!
Sadly the days of saying thank you for gifts seems to be a thing in the past. At this time of year, right up until my teen years, I would have been writing thank you letters for all my Christmas presents - can't remember ever having one from my gt nieces!

I’m with Gwyneth on this one, good manners cost nothing and it seems a lot of the younger generation fail in that department. Let’s face it I doubt very much if many of our parents bought our generation such kind gifts when buying a house, but had they, I’m sure we would of at the very least bought a thank you card and a bunch of flowers to show our appreciation. As far as I’m concerned it’s no good saying...well this generation are different...yes in some ways they are, they are spoiled, and have bad manners, good manners cost nothing and a “proper” Christmas card with a thank you” for your lovely gift I’m sure wouldn’t have gone amiss or a proper thank you card itself even if they couldn’t afford some flowers! I myself have learned the hard way with my DS ‘the more you do, the more you may’ with this generation I’ve found. I would have a quiet word with your son on the side and let him know you didn’t bring him up to be so self obsessed and a thank you would have been appreciated. I’ve done that with my DS and also although I used to help enormously I’ve learned to only help when absolutely necessary otherwise it’s taken for granted. Yes some people may say you should do it out of the goodness of your own heart and trust me I do when I think it’s warranted but like I said with a lot of this computer mad, iPhone mad spoilt generation I’ve learned that no manners hurts!

My only concern when giving gifts - whether tokens or of major significance - is that they arrived at their destination. Anything received in response is a bonus but I expect and usually receive nothing.

Totally agree with Marilla

I can see you are hurt and would like to have had more response and a bigger 'thank you' from your son and his fiancé. But I think the hurt is now feeling worse because of your wishing they had said 'thank you' in a different way. I understand that! But if you can let it go, you will feel much happier - there is another thread today about forgiveness, which you might want to look at. I hope you will be able to let go the circling thoughts - they are making you sad while not changing anything for the better. Don't risk an important relationship in your life by replaying these unhappy thoughts, or saying something which later you wish you had not said.

I am with those who believe some of the younger Generation are not as appreciative as they should be. As has been said...they could find the time to pick out the expensive Hoover they wanted. I dont believe a text is good enough...it is a lazy thank you and not good enough!

I’d be annoyed at your son . Did he buy you presents before they met . If so I wonder if it’s her inFluence ?
Also did they buy for her parents ?

Many people these days don’t send Christmas cards but regarding the presents you bought I think a phone call to show appreciation would have been much nicer than a text.
I do think we generally make too many excuses for what really amounts to common courtesy and good manners if nothing else.

I’m not sure what you were wanting Beadyone, but I’m with Marilla on this one, a text is fine for some things but still quite impersonal. A quick phone call/ written note, neither which take a lot of your time, but really mean something is better, but maybe I’m old fashioned!!

What matters is how you all feel. You feel a bit unappreciated, we don’t know what they feel? Loved? Helped? Gratitude? Appreciative but slightly taking you for granted? In the great scheme of things, let it go, give yourself a hug and take pleasure in your generosity. Covid magnifies everything....

I've got old fashioned manners, and surely a proper thank you would be better than just a text. Such casualness seems to be the thing these days which is a pity in my opinion.

I understand what everyone (mostly) is saying - what did you expect etc. But I also know that in your position I would have been more than a little hurt and felt that my gifts weren't fully appreciated. I know it's supposed to not matter and "the joy is in the giving" but sometimes, well, yes, it bloody does matter to feel appreciated!

Well, frankly, you don't give something to get something back, ever. If push comes to shove, I'd tell them "I'd have loved a card from you, to keep it on the dresser for the coming year." And I'd leave it at that.

I agree with Marilla and feel for you. Kindness and thoughtfulness works both ways and shouldn't be dependent on money. They should have done whatever is necessary so that this person feels appreciated and a small gift that gives pleasure should have been given.

No, I don't advise you to say anything. 'Least said soonest mended' might be appropriate here. I'm with you, Beadyone . In future only offer what you'd liked to have received from them this Christmas - something money can't buy, something which is appreciated and remembered far more.

Your generosity is commendable but not remotely unique. I suggest you get as much pleasure you can from the giving and not ever expect thanks. Sure, nice when it happens but not either to be expected or sought after. Wonderful that you're helping them at this important time in their lives. Long may you be able to do so. Nice one.