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Should I Say Something ?

(89 Posts)
Beadyone Tue 29-Dec-20 09:44:10

I appreciate this year has been tough including for my son's fiancee as she works in a tea shop, and has been reliant on the furlough scheme. However, they have just moved into a new home - I bought them a washing machine - and for Christmas they chose a really expensive vacuum cleaner which I bought. My issue is - I didn't even get a Christmas card from them hence my question. Yes they said thanks, via text, and a general text group Merry Christmas.

NotSpaghetti Tue 29-Dec-20 09:46:11

Did they send any Christmas cards?
What are you wanting - I'm not entirely clear...

Harris27 Tue 29-Dec-20 09:50:35

A thank you and a small present would of surficed I think?

Alexa Tue 29-Dec-20 09:50:46

No, don't rock the boat. Please be patient. Some people believe, and I am one of them, that long and immediate thank yous are unnecessary and might sound less sincere.

I don't even know you Beadyone, yet I really like to think of your generosity and how these presents were well thought out and valuable.

tanith Tue 29-Dec-20 09:51:49

So many people now don’t send cards anymore my son hasn't for years. Don’t let it become an issue as they’ve already thanked you.

Poppyred Tue 29-Dec-20 09:51:55

Do they usually get you a card and present?

NotAGran55 Tue 29-Dec-20 09:52:11

Say something about what ?

They thanked you for the gifts and text you a ‘ Merry Christmas’ .
Why would you want a piece of folded cardboard from them too ? Perhaps like a lot of people they no longer send cards ...

Grandmabatty Tue 29-Dec-20 10:10:37

It is clear this has hurt you but you need to move past it. Christmas cards have gone out of fashion with many people. My ds for a number of years didn't send cards at all. My closest friends have decided to stop sending cards. It would have been nice if they had told you they weren't doing cards though. They did thank you for the gift. Did they get you anything? I am assuming from the tone of your post that they didn't. That's unkind of them. Again the same ds leaves buying gifts to the last minute and some people don't get their gift til after Christmas as it's late being delivered. Might that be the case? Regardless, I don't think this is the hill for your relationship to die on.

J52 Tue 29-Dec-20 10:27:17

How lovely that you have given them such generous gifts. You obviously care for them very much.
It is a very trying time for everyone, especially young people starting out in their own homes and facing uncertain futures regarding jobs.
As others have said, more people are sending Christmas greetings via the Internet. I have sent a mixture of small mail cards and interactive e-cards.
Continue with your lovely support and put this behind you.

J52 Tue 29-Dec-20 10:27:59

Snail mail*

V3ra Tue 29-Dec-20 11:07:54

Would they normally buy you a Christmas present? Did they buy for other family members?
It's lovely that you are able to treat them to the two big household appliances.
Even a small token back would have been nice, but not worth risking bad feeling over. They have thanked you at least.

Often in life I think generosity is something that is best "paid forward" rather than "paid back."
You're supporting them starting out in life together and in years to come hopefully they will be in a position to do the same for someone else, maybe their own child?

My husband always jokes we are looking after our elderly parents as an example to our children for the future when we're elderly!

Lolo81 Tue 29-Dec-20 19:04:20

I’m unclear as to what you would say to them OP? They thanked you for your gifts, so I’m genuinely unsure as to the issue?
Many people (myself included) don’t send Christmas cards - preferring to call or text greetings, which they have also done.
Maybe ask yourself what you expected in return for this gift other than a thank you? More thanks? A box of chocolates? What would have made you happy here, what did you expect that didn’t happen?

cornishpatsy Tue 29-Dec-20 20:11:16

Money must be tight for them with furlough and moving. Maybe they did not buy any gifts, if they had bought you a gift they could be accused of wasting money.

Very few people send cards now, a text is the usual way of expressing thanks nowadays. .

welbeck Tue 29-Dec-20 20:20:32

you seem to imply some criticism of them by saying they chose expensive items, but i'm sure you've heard the saying, buy cheap and pay twice.
so in fact they may have been sensible to pick higher value items which have been well reviewed for reliability.
i can see your disappointment at not receiving a card from them, but i think you have to own that feeling as your own. if their lack of reciprocity hurts you, then see that as a learning opportunity, and take care of yourself in future, to lessen such negative feelings. maybe limit your gifts and monetary support.

Iam64 Tue 29-Dec-20 20:25:22

Generous and also such sensible, necessary gifts from you. They did thank you via text/group. Every time they use those items, you will be in their thoughts and I'm certain they will never forget your kindness.
Christmas cards seem to be less important to young people than to our generation. I imagine in ten more years they may be considered an eccentricity or obsolete.

FarNorth Tue 29-Dec-20 20:27:48

You must have given them some idea of how much you were willing to spend.
Surely they didn't just choose an expensive item without knowing if it was in your price range?

If you are unhappy about giving these gifts because of their cost, make sure not to offer anything as expensive, in future.

Marilla Tue 29-Dec-20 20:32:07

I am tired of people making excuses for some of the younger generation’s lack of thought and good manners.

This recent post is a good example where the son and fiancée have been gifted two expensive items and have sent a text to say thanks.

Texting is fine for a quick message. But is the son really SO busy and important, he can’t possibly find the time to say thank you to his mum properly. If card writing isn’t your ‘thing’ then pop round to mum and express his thanks.

It is simply a lack of thought and it’s selfish. It doesn’t matter whether Beadyone offered to buy the items; she still spent hundreds of pounds and neither of them couldn't put themselves out to say a proper thank you.

They must have spent some time sourcing a rather expensive hoover! You can always find the time if you really want to!

I’m with you Beadyone. 👍

Marilla Tue 29-Dec-20 20:33:17

Apologies for the typing errors!

Urmstongran Tue 29-Dec-20 20:37:50

I think a phone call to you Beadyone would have been nice for you. It’s not much to ask is it - to pick up a phone - and to your mum!

Hetty58 Tue 29-Dec-20 20:43:09

Cards are optional, especially this year. I sent some, but ordered them and the stamps online.

Nobody should expect people to make unnecessary shopping trips for non-essentials. It would be reckless to do so.

Hithere Tue 29-Dec-20 21:05:49

May I ask what you were hoping to get from them?

Katek Tue 29-Dec-20 21:17:20

We have just experienced a similar situation - sort of in reverse! On Xmas Eve ds and family received a generous cheque from an elderly family member.Dil likes to send thank you letters l, and they were in the process of writing this when said elderly relative complained that they hadn’t sent a text or email. This was on Boxing Day so not even 48 hours since they had received the cheque.

Doodledog Tue 29-Dec-20 21:17:30

I don't send Christmas cards, and haven't for a while now.

I am perfectly happy with a text message to thank me for a gift, as my children live too far from me to 'pop round', even if the country wasn't in a virtual lockdown. I sometimes get a photo of the gift in use (eg clothes or the prints I bought my son this year), or if they know I haven't seen it (eg flowers ordered online).

I can't understand why anyone would expect more. Someone not getting an acknowledgement at all would have cause to be upset, but a text is really a modern version of a card or phone call.

Honestly, I wouldn't say anything. They know you know that they have received the gifts, and you know that they will get a lot of good use from them, which are the main reasons for people sending cards/letters anyway.

Kim19 Tue 29-Dec-20 21:21:49

Your generosity is commendable but not remotely unique. I suggest you get as much pleasure you can from the giving and not ever expect thanks. Sure, nice when it happens but not either to be expected or sought after. Wonderful that you're helping them at this important time in their lives. Long may you be able to do so. Nice one.

Nannagarra Tue 29-Dec-20 22:37:40

No, I don't advise you to say anything. 'Least said soonest mended' might be appropriate here. I'm with you, Beadyone . In future only offer what you'd liked to have received from them this Christmas - something money can't buy, something which is appreciated and remembered far more.