Am I right/wrong to be upset that I’ll be alone on Christmas Day?

I absolutely hate the idea that someone will have to "have" me for christmas day.
Like a blooming turkey!

Please do see if you can volunteer somewhere. It’s all about being proactive xx

Jaylou good idea re the presents! That’s what I’ll do! I should say that I do understand my younger one not wanting to host as she’ll be almost nine months pregnant then and it’s a lot to do. I’m just a bit upset that she didn’t bother to tell me this, although she told her dad as he’s made other arrangements.

You're only one person. Surely one or other of your daughter's in laws would-be happy to have you as a guest.
Maybe your other daughter has a cunning plan which you haven't heard yet? I hope so.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sorry Cheska63. It must have been very sad for you.
However, surely you and the OP could be invited somewhere. We never let anyone in family ever be alone at Christmas.

It’s hard isn’t it Rusume . Myself & ds’ dad are divorced, and so are dil’s parent. There’s 4 ‘sets’ of parents who would all desperately love to spend Christmas with the children & grandchildren. They can be in 4 places at once, and it quite often means that someone is on their own.

When it’s my years alone, I but nice food, plan good tv and always buy new pyjamas to change into on the morning. I know it’s hard, but honestly it’s not as bad as you think

I would be upset too. Daughters are supposed to be close to their mothers, I have two sons but I know for sure that if I was going to be alone on Christmas Day they would ask their in-laws if I could be included. I hope you can find somebody to share the day with you.

I've had a few Christmas days on my own, but I made them a celebration of me and enjoyed myself . I bought my favourite food, drinks and treats and I watched what I wanted on TV. I made the best of it & I loved it. This was before internet and mobile phones and I didn't have a landline either so I truly was alone.
What I also did was arrange a celebration for another day during the holidays and had my family Christmas then, with pressies and a nice dinner and all the festive treats we'd normally have on the 25th. As long as you get a day together to celebrate, it doesn't really matter which one it is ( it didn't to me anyway) Sometimes it was a couple of days before or afterwards and sometimes it would be New Year instead.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OP

You have the opportunity to spend Xmas in a different way and do something new.

What did you always want to try and couldn't?
Now it is your chance!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I'm looking forward to being on my own. My son, who has been so ill,asked if I would mind as he really needs a holiday. The others are going to in laws. I am keeping quiet about it as my best friend would insist on inviting me and I just wouldn't feel relaxed with her crowd.
This also happened 3 years ago and the day passed very quickly.

Missadventure said "There isn't any right or wrong about how you feel; the important thing is to make the best of it"

This is very true. Of course you would feel upset. I am not sure any of us wouldn't.

I want to add that is isn't right or wrong for your children to go to IL's on holidays either. We can not expect that our children include us in everything they do and they are now part of that larger blended extended family and both sides would have some expectations.

That being said, if I knew my mother was going to be alone for Christmas, I would ask my IL's if she could come with me.

If I were in your case, I would find somewhere to volunteer or book myself a nice vacation somewhere if I could afford to.

I would absolutely spend the end of December in Italy if I could!

Xmas is not liked by some people, even hated, due to the unreasonable expectations and guidelines that "should be followed"

I wouldn’t have done that to my mum, as I wouldn’t ever have wanted her to be alone for Christmas even if I could only spend few hours with her

Do you have a friend, or know of someone else, who will be alone? Maybe you could invite them for Christmas and do it together?

I don't think it's unreasonable to be upset/disappointed if Christmas is important to you. Your daughters haven't even offered an alternative plan, such as seeing you on Boxing Day. Can you ask them when you will see them for a Christmas period visit?

We used to alternate families for Christmas before we started just having them at home. Anyone was welcome to join us, but we were done running all over the countryside trying to meet family expectations.

I think if you live alone, it's inevitable that you will sometimes be alone.
It is something to adjust to, just as you have to when your children grow up and move out.

I think how someone feels about being alone might depend on how they feel about Christmas. I wouldn't mind being alone on Christmas as I'd be quite happy to just not do it at all. I know a relative that would hate it though, as they love everything about Christmas and celebrating it. In the end though, it's nice to feel you've been considered either way.

No, rusume of course aren’t being unreasonable to feel upset, best not to get stuck in those feelings though. It’s early enough to register for a volunteer role, if you choose to, perhaps think if there is a friend who would welcome company or simply to plan a day just for yourself. Please don’t sssume the day will be awful, it will be different for sure but you know different isn’t always bad. You’ve already made a plan around gifts, be matter of fact with the family, make it plain you want them to have a good day, if you can be relaxed and not upset I don’t think there’s any harm simply saying you will miss them and look forward to seeing them after Christmas. Come back and tell us how it goes, my guess is it will be less difficult than you anticipate.

Of course you feel upset Resume, however, you can’t rely on your children or grandchildren seeing you Christmas Day but it shouldn’t be too much to expect them to have suggested Christmas Eve or Boxing Day, however it is what it is. They are entitled to go where they want and it is thoughtless not realising how upset you would be , they just don’t do things out of duty like we did. Try and make the best of it without guilt tripping them. Try to enjoy your day, buy yourself a gift, get the foods in you really like, watch what you want on tv, go for a long walk. It’s just one day and you will get through it. My d has estranged me, I don’t know if she will ever want to see me, it seems both your daughters do see and care for you but have just been very thoughtless over this Christmas. For some volunteering is the right thing to do, it wouldn’t do for me.

As it hasn’t happened before I assume they have been with you for at least the last 4 years so it does seem fair that the in laws get to see them on the day.

I know that doesn’t make it easier for you though, I hope that when the shock has passed that you will make some plans of your own.

That's what I thought Elizabeth

I've never seen my granddaughters on Christmas Day as my dil always invites her mother and partner to them. My son and dil are now getting divorced so I have no idea when I'll see any of them

I’ve been alone for Christmas more than once when my children have gone to their partners parents. I’m not going to say in-laws because to the partner they are not in-laws, ?

If this has never happened before to the OP, that must mean that for a number of Christmas the partners families have not had their children with them.

Somebody has to be the one that doesn’t have their children on Christmas Day. For many years I never had my middle son because his partners mum “was on her own” so had to be deferred to. Even after my own husband died.

On the plus side, it does occur to me that if your pregnant daughter is with the other side this year, you will get first dibs next year for the baby’s first Christmas ?

I am not fussed if alone or invited at Xmas. Although I am puzzled, why both daughters could not set a place for you at either house of inlaws. It's more likely to be me that avoids Xmas elsewhere than my own home. I love the solitude, although family think, she must be lonely, I can assure you I am not.