Am I right/wrong to be upset that I’ll be alone on Christmas Day?

Yes i find that a bit harsh to be honest... Me personally i want to be on my own..... I hate all the over indulgence...... When some ppl. Have nothing.... But i do love my lamb roastie mm. ????

I’ve always loved Christmas Eve and from our kids being little we’ve always done our Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve. The kids loved a candlelight Christmas dinner and then on Christmas Day we did a buffet, I could think of nothing worse than being stuck in the kitchen doing an upgraded Sunday dinner and the kids could eat all the chocolate they wanted and I’d not worry and we still do it. Though they are grown up but our little grandchildren love the tradition. The kids then can go to their in laws Christmas Day and there is no upset. They love it. We put our feet up and drink wine and eat cheese and biscuits and watch tele. It’s heaven. But everyone knows where they have to be Christmas Eve and it’s very special. However there is myself and my DH so I’m not on my own so I do feel for anyone who is. Best wishes everyone.

geekesse I have heard this from some friends. Christmas doesn’t always have to be about a big gathering on the day, and when we have children with partners we have to share our time with the other grandparents.

It's not all about grandchildren. Most grandparents generally like to be with family at Christmas.

I never understand why people are so caught up with being obligated to spend special days with all the relatives. I grew up in a migrant family, and never knew my grandparents, so to me it's completely normal to spend days like Christmas with just parents and young children. After I got married (and I migrated to my husband's country), we did a couple of Christmas's with PILs, and then I decided I wanted to do Christmas my way, in my own home, and cook my own dinner. Inlaws are welcome if they want to jump on a plane (obviously not during Covid), but I'm not travelling to them all the time and having Christmas their way every year.

My poor sister used to have to divide her time between 3 sets of grandparents. Absolutely exhausting, and the poor kids never got to have Christmas in their own home, until she eventually put her foot down and decided to have Christmas at home for once.

When did Christmas become all about the grandparents? It used to be all about the children.

Seems like a unique arrangement of circumstances this year, then. One family moving back from abroad and the other not having hosted your daughter's family Christmas Day before, and doing a large gathering this year.

Did the local in-laws ever join you for Christmas? Or will this be their first with your daughter's family?

Perhaps reframing it a bit might help how you're feeling. Having every Christmas as a divorced parent is really unusual, from my understanding, and then that it continued after they both married... you've been very fortunate.

Change can be hard, but I hope that you're able to plan a get together with your daughters to celebrate on another day.

Summerlove

I’m glad you have a place to go now Rusume.

Hopefully you’ll all have a lovely season and simply celebrate a different day.

I’m curious though, have your daughters Never spent Christmas with their father or in-laws before?

Summerlove the only time they’ve been to their dad on Christmas Day was when I was in hospital one year. They visited me and then went on to his. They hated it as their stepmother made them feel very unwelcome. Usually they went to him on Boxing Day and felt the same for the same reason but put up with it/her for his sake. Now he’s divorced he usually spends CD with us all. As far as the in-laws are concerned one daughter hasn’t ever spent CD with hers as they lived abroad but are back now and the others have never really been bothered much about Christmas but have decided to make a big family thing this year.

Sorry Rusume forgot to say - enjoy a lovely Christmas with your friends ?

It is the family coming together that is important.

Fairyface I absolutely agree with you. We have family get togethers in the warmer weather when things aren't so busy. I remember when we were younger and how fraught it was trying to fit in two family visits at either end of the country. By New Year we were exhausted. It must be easier for families that live closer together, but we're all about 150 to 200 miles apart.

During lockdown we had brilliant family zoom sessions and we've carried on with these, especially over Christmas - our children in New Zealand can join in and get to know all the rest of the family and their kids are much more familiar with their cousins now. No one has to travel during foul weather, carrying (and sometimes forgetting) presents and suitcases. Bonus - the children are better behaved because they aren't so tired and hyped up. We have meet ups three or four times a year, different parts of the family coming whenever/wherever they want.

What a lovely friend you have Rusume, enjoy yourself.

Maybe you could arrange that Father C has left all the GCs’ presents under your Christmas tree and that they all have to come round together to open them.

I’m glad you have a place to go now Rusume.

Hopefully you’ll all have a lovely season and simply celebrate a different day.

I’m curious though, have your daughters Never spent Christmas with their father or in-laws before?

Christmas on one’s own is brilliant! I get in smoked salmon, champagne and a huge tin of Quality Street. I choose a box set of a TV programme or a couple of good films, and slouch on the sofa till lunchtime in my fluffy onesie. If the weather is kind, I may go for a walk in the afternoon. Phone calls from my numerous and widely scattered offspring, their partners and the grandchildren, punctuate the day.

We get together as a family every year for Epiphany, when people are not being asked to choose between two families for the day, and that’s also when we exchange gifts and have our big meal.

Christmas is a BIG deal for our family and the excuse for a lovely get together. However, we haven't been able to celebrate Christmas on 25th December for many years as one of my children is always working. So, we delay our celebrations until we can all get together, usually around 6th January.
This allows the children to go to their partners' families on the actual day and we have a mini Christmas dinner for ourselves. It is the family coming together that is important.
How about organising something similar for your family? Spend the 25th December with friends and have your own Christmas with family at a later date?
Then you will have something to look forward to?

I do think more consideration could have been afforded to you. Re the grandchildren you will undoubtedly realise the other grandparents need to see them also on these special occasion. I actually admire your daughter's for having the strength and vision to do this. So I would just gracefully accept and plan your own celebration with your loved ones. Maybe you could all have a buffet meal on Boxing Day xx

Rusume

I’ve just found out from one of my daughters that both she and her sister will be going to their respective husbands’ families on Christmas Day. This has never happened before and it means that I won’t see my three grandchildren, the eldest of whom is four and that I’ll be alone at home. I’m upset that one daughter hasn’t even bothered to tell me yet and that the other, when I mentioned that I’d be alone, just flippantly remarked, “oh, I’m sure you’ll find someone you can go to”. Am I wrong to be upset as after all it is just one day, and how do I best handle this? Thanks!

So I have an update. I was out shopping today and bumped into an old friend who was buying Christmas presents for her grandchildren. She asked me what I was doing over Christmas and I told her that whilst I was sure I'd see my kids/friends over the holidays I wasn't doing anything on Christmas Day. She immediately invited me to hers for the day. I thanked her and said I wouldn't want to impose and she practically begged me to come as she and her husband (who I grew up with) would be on their own without kids and as she had to sit opposite him at the dinner table the other 364 days she'd be thrilled and I'd be the one doing her a favour! (They love each other really!). It was so lovely and unexpected. I do feel much better now and want to thank everyone for their comments which were so helpful and from which I've taken away a lot x

The most enjoyable Christmas day I ever had was the first one after my husband died. My children were with their own partners but rang me, I cooked a small dinner and watched what I wanted, plus although I had bought and wrapped my own present, just like every other year, I had no reason to get annoyed about it for once! ?

DiscoDancer1975

Scottishgogo

I think we should remember that Christmas Day is a religious celebration. Whilst not everyone is able to go to Church, I believe that we should remember the original reason for Christmas Day. I personally will probably be working. Who looks after your relatives in Care Homes on Christmas Day? I may sound like a party pooper, believe me, I am not. We have 2 weeks of holiday time - why not have a Christmas celebration on a different day - that way you can spread the celebration. last year, I had Christmas Dinner at work on Christmas Day and Christmas Dinner with my family, 2 days later. Good job, I like turkey and all the trimmings.

Please remember all those who work on Christmas Day to keep this country running. Also, remember those who genuinely do not have family members to share Christmas with.

OK. rant over.

I agree with you. Not sure what I’d get out of Christmas if I wasn’t a Christian. Just seems to be loaded with stress.

Well, in the month of December, there are fourteen different religious holidays. Christmas just happens to be the statutory holiday in many countries.

Our family has never celebrated the Christian aspect. I wasn't raised with any religious teachings, my husband was, and immediately disavowed them once he was out of his mother's house. I was pleased to discover that our celebrations fit Yule nicely, and have made effort to be more intentional about it.

Christmas was a take over of Yule, so I suppose we're very traditional.

Do your own thing. Give to others or enjoy pampering yourself.

Either make it a special at home day with all the things you love, order in some prepared food so that you can treat yourself etc.

Or find out what is organised at your local dining places for a Christmas lunch out

Of go away for the 3 days of Christmas to a hotel and be pampered and have entertainment

Or volunteer to serve Christmas lunches to the homeless or whatever is being supported in your locality.

His the season to be jolly......
Fa la la la la! La la la la.....

I’m outraged in your behalf! Honestly, our children can be so thoughtless! That said, best to put it aside and do something totally self indulgent. If it was me, I’d go to church. I’m not a church goer but you’ve got to admit the carols etc are beautiful. I’d go for a long walk in a beautiful place. I’d eat what I want, drink what I want and watch all the tv I want. Read the book I wanted. Christmas is supposed to be a time for families. I’d want to make a point to my children, that yes, I was alone. To prevent it happening again. And I wouldn’t tell them I enjoyed it.

Scottishgogo

I think we should remember that Christmas Day is a religious celebration. Whilst not everyone is able to go to Church, I believe that we should remember the original reason for Christmas Day. I personally will probably be working. Who looks after your relatives in Care Homes on Christmas Day? I may sound like a party pooper, believe me, I am not. We have 2 weeks of holiday time - why not have a Christmas celebration on a different day - that way you can spread the celebration. last year, I had Christmas Dinner at work on Christmas Day and Christmas Dinner with my family, 2 days later. Good job, I like turkey and all the trimmings.

Please remember all those who work on Christmas Day to keep this country running. Also, remember those who genuinely do not have family members to share Christmas with.

OK. rant over.

I agree with you. Not sure what I’d get out of Christmas if I wasn’t a Christian. Just seems to be loaded with stress.

Yes I understand how you feel and probably your family have not thought about this year from your point of view. However, try to think positively and think that it is really only a day. To be honest a lot is made of Christmas day and this often causes stress. Everyone trying to please everyone else. Make sure you get a nice meal ready for yourself. Telephone the family if possible. Go for a walk if the weather allows and sort out some films to watch on the tv. Also go on Gransnet and you will find others on their own to have a chat to.

I agree with rosielabrador, I lost my lovely husband this year and I would be very upset if I couldn’t spend the day or part of the day with at least one of my three children & their families. As its the first year without DH we decided we would all spend the day together at my eldest daughters this year, we are all mucking in and contributing towards the lunch. I’ve hosted at least some or all of the family for 40 + years on either Christmas or Boxing Day up until last year when restrictions were in place and just me & my hubby went over to my sons. I would hate to be totally alone on Christmas Day, especially so this year, even though I’m a pretty independent person all year round. I think I would definitely look at volunteering somewhere if the situation arose at anytime in the future.

Rusume You are right to be upset! Why couldn't one of your daughters have swapped the year to her in-laws, so each year you would be with one of them.

This happened to me about 8yrs ago. After always hosting Xmas dinners [& Sundays] for everyone, sometimes having as many as 12 at the table, I found myself looking at a lonely Xmas day. I was so upset, I asked my daughter if she'd ask her mum-in-law if I could go to there's with my Daughter.
I went the next 2yrs and had a lovely time. Then things got back to being at mine again, then recently at my daughters.

I remember one year inviting the whole family, as I didn't think my mum would be with us the next year [she was]. My D-in-law ask if her mum could come along otherwise she'd be on her own and I said ' Of course she can'.

So maybe you could ask the same Rusume Good luck xx

I am a widow and have two daughters. It is a world of difference if you are on your own. I would be extremely upset if one of them didn’t see me on Xmas day. I really hope you can get this resolved