Am I right/wrong to be upset that I’ll be alone on Christmas Day?

I’m having Christmas a week early here so I get to see my grandsons. Why don’t you invite them to yours a week earlier soyou can make a fuss of them and exchange presents. ?

I think everyone in this country has forgotten the origin of Christmas, as most of British people are Atheists or they never question there existence. To these people Xmas is just eating drinking to much, and getting presents they dont need. Its just a day of utter greed. People could get together and do exactly the same thing any time of the year. Xmas is now a commercial manipulation by the giant companies of this world to get even richer. If a survey was done in the streets and people were asked why they are all hyped up for one day, they would say because its Xmas, so what is Xmas to them except a word. I even asked my adult grand children this question. Why are you excited because its the 25th December, same answer because its Xmas. Then ask well what are you excited about, nobody knows. They just keep saying because its Xmas. Its ludicrous, to think millions of people are doing this and don't know why. Originally the purpose was Christian and religious, that was the purpose. But now a days it doesn't seem to have a purpose. Like robots everyone just joins into celebrations and they dont know why. Anyone on there own should celebrate that they haven't been sucked into wasting money and time pretending they are having a good time.

I would be upset. This is the first year I am without my husband and I sort of invited myself to my youngest for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day overnight. She also said if I want to stay longer I can. My oldest daughter usually comes to us on Boxing day with her adult girls and any +1s but my husband always did the cooking and arrangements so I can't face it this year. I haven't to them yet but I doubt they will invite me to go their instead. If I wasn't going to my youngest for Christmas I would have been going to my middle daughter just for the day. I would hate yo be alone on Christmas day at the moment but maybe next year if it looks thatbway I'll go away for Christmas.

Try having your 2 daughters living in the U.S and Oz and spending nearly every Christmas with out them
Atleast they are not too far away.

Last year, owing to this Covid business, I spent my very first Christmas day alone.
I dreaded it, but, it was absolutely fine and nowhere near as awful as I thought it would be.
It is only one day and I woke up on Boxing Day feeling great that the whole business was behind me.
Good luck and best wishes.

We dont live in the UK and in this country Christmas is celebrated on Christmas Eve, on that day the children go to their other relations because they love Christmas Day at our house, as we have always celebrated Christmas on Christmas Day, everyone is happy with this,its only me and my BH on Christmas Eve, but we look forward to Christmas Day.

It’s not just that it’s Christmas Day it’s the fact that they don’t seem to have taken into account that you’ll be totally alone. I take it that you no longer have a partner? I’m not surprised that you’re upset. My daughter has her father and his partner, (who I don’t get on with) staying over this Christmas- he lives over 200 miles away. So my husband is taking me to a hotel for Christmas, but I’m still disappointed that I won’t see my grandchildren on Christmas Day. I know my feeling are a bit selfish, as she’s entitled to see her dad at Christmas. But she’s not leaving me alone on Christmas Day and I’m pretty sure that she wouldn’t consider doing so.

Your post reminded me of Christmas Days when I was child when my mother would ask anyone she knew would be alone for the Big Day to our house for lunch as well as grannys and stray aunts and uncles etc. It made for rather an odd gathering, and sometimes the food was a bit sparse, but me and my brother and sis grew up knowing this how it should be celebrated. It's hard for you not to see those you love on the Day; could you ask anyone you know is at a loose end to yours, maybe sharing the cost? It's not the same, but could work.

I think we should remember that Christmas Day is a religious celebration. Whilst not everyone is able to go to Church, I believe that we should remember the original reason for Christmas Day. I personally will probably be working. Who looks after your relatives in Care Homes on Christmas Day? I may sound like a party pooper, believe me, I am not. We have 2 weeks of holiday time - why not have a Christmas celebration on a different day - that way you can spread the celebration. last year, I had Christmas Dinner at work on Christmas Day and Christmas Dinner with my family, 2 days later. Good job, I like turkey and all the trimmings.

Please remember all those who work on Christmas Day to keep this country running. Also, remember those who genuinely do not have family members to share Christmas with.

OK. rant over.

The fact is they are also Grandparents and are probably over the moon they will see their grandchildren on Christmas day. Why not organise a Boxing Day meeting? You can save the pressies to give them on that day, make some delicious goodies for them and sit around in paper hats. Don't feel sorry for yourself, make something magical out of it that everyone will remember. Someone gives you lemons.... well you know the rest <3

I remember, only too well, the squabbles, infighting, resentment - and downright bitchiness - about who's 'turn' it was to have our mother.

She was a joyless, fussy, awkward old bat, though, so having her meant a ruined day. As things here weren't to her liking, it was seldom our turn, thankfully. When it was, my husband would say 'Oh no - God help us!' and sulk for days!

No one can tell you that you are wrong for feeling in a certain way about anything.
I hurt over a lot many things, but I have come to learn for me, how I respond and deal with my hurt that is what matters.

I have spent the last 5 Christmas alone since losing my husband, but then I spend every other holiday and most weekends alone too. My family will contact me to tell me what they want and will come over after Christmas with no warning or planning.

My birthday is Christmas day too, but that’s never really been a thing since I was a little girl and now that tends to get forgotten too.

I have spent years reflecting on this, trying to make sense of it. Comparing how I treated my own Mother to how I am regarded and treated by family. That just brings hurt and tears. In the end of the day, for me, it is what it is.

I tend not to tell other people I will be alone now. In the last 2 years tend not to plan it, I just go with how I am feeling in the week leading up to it. Each year is different, some years I have loved it other years it has been very hard.
I did volunteer twice for the first two Christmases . The first time, I went to a church run event, feeding the homeless but the ladies in charge were very hostile to new volunteers and kept telling me find something to do, as they had it under control. I heard one of them say don’t you just hate Christmas day do-gooders. The 2nd time I walked the three miles to the event, only to be told I wasn’t on the list of helpers and for security reason they couldn’t let me in. I did actually love the walk there and back, and for me that was a good year.
I can’t tell you how to feel or how to respond, for me the remark "oh, I’m sure you’ll find someone you can go to” would be very hurtful and I certainly wouldn’t want to be seen as the spare part. How you deal with that will be very down to your own personality but I would hold my head up high and say no more. We are all different but please don’t allow others to define your self-worth, no matter who they are.
There are many good suggestions on here, I hope one works out for you and you find some peace in the situation.

If anyone finds themselves alone and feels sad or feels like they are not coping. Or if even if someone is loving it, I am more than happy for anyone to message me over christmas, either way. Even if it’s only to say hello or share a Christmas joke.
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I'm a bit lot like that too.
That's why I don't inflict myself on anyone else.

My Dad came from a big family and I have 8 brothers and sisters. All my Dads brothers and sisters only had 1 or 2 kids but we always had my nan and aunt who was mentaly slow for christmas and easter. Our house was jammed but my Dad would never let my nan and aunt be on their own even though the rest of his family didnt bother.

I completely understand how you feel. I was alone because of Covid last year. People don’t understand Christmas is Christmas, celebrating it neither the day before nor the day after is not the same.
I think it is very thoughtless of your family and they should invite you along to their inlaws. Do the in-laws know you are alone? Many the year I had fourteen round the table because I had one of my DSiL’s parents, grandmother, aunt and brother with boyfriend.

Here in France, it’s Christmas Eve that is celebrated , therefore usually I go to my DSiL’s parents’ and then they come to mine for Christmas.

I would feel exactly the same being alone for Christmas, even with my husband, even though I lecture myself it's only one day in the year and we are lucky to have a close knit family who care. We alternate Christmas Day/Boxing Day with one DS & DIL and the other DS & DIL do their own thing, varying from year to year what they choose to do. It does strike me though that everyone's comments seem to be saying it is up to Rusume's daughters to suggest alternatives, when in her shoes I would be putting suggestions forward for alternative dates we could get together, when I would probably do a full on Christmas dinner complete with crackers etc. One of my friends used to work shifts, as did her sister-in-law so "Christmas Day" could be any day between Christmas Eve & New Years Eve, whenever they could all manage it. My children used to be so envious that their Christmas extended way beyond Boxing Day!

So difficult - Christmas is supposed to be about goodwill. peace on earth etc. But things can't suddenly be 'special' for everyone at the same time. All the people working to make it fun for others. Unless plans change I'd try to be busy with something on Christmas day itself and keep away from too much 'media' because they do assume everyone has a big jolly family ( what a pretence!) - Do you have a local church - the lovely music and connection with basics might help?

Rusume- your daughters will be older one day. Im a bit surprised your daughters did not discuss Christmas. Ive also got to say I would be horrified if I thought my son/daughter in- laws parent would be on their own, while family was with me. I'd have asked what their Mum/Dad was doing for Christmas and, if alone, Id have invited them along. I am sorry you have been hurt this way. What Id do is make the best of it. Buy a really nice dinner for yourself. Also some lovely chocolates or wine, whatever you like to have and spend a " chill day". If you have a church nearby ( no matter the denomination) see if they have a service that you might like to attend. At Christmas,churches can be joyful and it may help lift the spirits. One thing I will say is - when your daughters are older, they will be the ones hoping their family invites them. I thought the 'you will find someone to invite you' or words of that nature quite awful to be honest.

Your daughters obviously don’t feel you’re possessive, otherwise they wouldn’t have both planned to be elsewhere on Christmas Day!

In your position, I think I’d make a point of having everyone round for present-opening after Christmas Day. And on Christmas Day I’d treat myself to a new book I want to read, and/or a film I want to watch, plus a really nice, easy-cook dinner for one made up of things I enjoy eating, not things other people expect me to make for them!

Christmas is a special time when you expect to catch up with friends and family so you must be really hurt not getting an invite. I spend part of Xmas Day with my Bah Humbug sister, joy is non existent as she hates Xmas. Boxing Day it's just me and the dog and I normally stay in my PJs, just popping on my leggings for a couple of dog walks. It's been the same routine for the last 9 years since our mum died and I've just had to get used to it. If you don't want to be alone, volunteer or if you can afford to, book a hotel overnight with Xmas dinner included. I hope you enjoy it whatever you do.

Perfectly understandable that you are feeling hurt. The issue now is how you choose to deal with the situation. I would certainly check out the details with your other daughter, just to make sure of their plans. I would not fall out but be self sufficient. You could plan a day where you do exactly what you want, or you could ask if anyone would like to come over for lunch. One day they may find themselves in your situation.

All the specialness is already starting.
Hurt feelings.
Worrying about what to buy.
Resentment at who spends time with whom.
I'm sure the list will grow as the festive season progresses.

Ho ho ho!

I would be hurt too in your place by the casual way this alternation in plans has been mentioned.

IMO your daughters could and should have told you when they agreed to go to their respective in-laws have told you that was what they had arranged.

It is thoughtless if neither of them realised that you might be alone, but I can see how that could have been an oversigt; each of your daughters thinking the other and her family would be with you,

So I hope it helps that you have written how you feel here and got feed-back from others who have been similarly placed.

The best thing is to say as little as possible right now to your daughters about your disappointment.

In good time before next Christmas, I would ask them casually what their plans are.

The other problem is what do you do this Christmas?

I would personally never choose to say, "Oh, it is just a day, so I shall treat it as any other day."

To me Christmas is not just a day, but I have come to terms with it no longer being synonomous with seeing the family.

Your challenge is to find out how you make the day enjoyable for yourself.

If ignoring it does that - fine!

Inviting a friend or friends who like you have grown-up children going away for Christmas might be a possiblilty.

Would you like to help out at the Salvation Army or another church or charity's Christmas Day for the homeless?

Find out from your priest, if you are a church-goer, who will be alone, in hospital, or a care home and might appreciate a short visit in the afternoon, if they have no family who visit?

Ring the local children's ward and ask if they are fully supplied with visitors for children forced to be in hospital on Christmas Day - or the geriatric ward if that is your preference.

Or just go out for a walk in the afternoon, dressed as Mother Christmas and with a bag of sweeties and dog biscuits to give to those you pass in the street?

Why not concentrate on the positives? You have obviously had many lovely family Christmases? You are very lucky, many people do not have that. Be grateful that your daughters get on with their inlaws, many don't. I am sure you can have a family lunch in the New Year? Enjoy your day, doing just what you want to do.

I will be alone this year for the first time as my grown up children are going to their in-laws. I will have my two furry friends (mini Schnauzers) for company and it means their walks, a share of the Christmas food and watching some TV together. We will of course meet people when we are out for our walks. I think that I will enjoy the more relaxed less fuss Christmas we will have.