Am I right/wrong to be upset that I’ll be alone on Christmas Day?

Sorry, I don't understand what you're saying.

You are right to be upset, but get used to it. the first time is the hardest.I have three children and three grandchildren. Years ago I had my first shock that I wasn’t a priority on Holidays. But, I have gotten use to doing my own thing. I told all of them years ago that it was time for them to make their traditions just like we did. I didn’t want them to have their Holiday mixed with guilt and pressure that I had received from parents. I thought I would always be included, but….Time marches on and our children live in a new world and have their own new traditions. I have come to enjoy the Holiday times I have without them.

Resume isn't talking about her d's.i.l. MercuryQueen she's talking about her D's and it's possible to alternate isn't it? One year with mum so she's not on her own and the following year with the in laws.

If both D's took it in turns, they'd each get to spend Christmas with their p's.i.l. every other year. How is that unreasonable?

Yes you are wrong. Let your children and their children live their own lives. Make your own friends now or just enjoy the luxury of a Christmas Day on your own. Paradise.

I do feel that Christmas has been blown out of all proportion and it just causes so much stress. I have told my children not to worry about me. I am genuinely happy to be on my own. I was actually looking forward to being on my own last year. I bought a Cook dinner and then plans changed and I did go to my daughter as we were a bubble. This year both my children are going to their respective in-laws and I have been invited. But to be honest I’d rather be on my own!

It feels like a knife through the heart, the first Christmas that you anticipate, when you know neither of your children want you to come to their house for Christmas Day. It happened to us one year. My friends were shocked as we had always been a close and supportive family. A dear friend invited us to her house for Christmas Day to share the day with her friends and family. It was an amazingly good day and we had a wonderful time,. It hurt particularly to find that neither of our children wanted to 'have us' as we had spent a lot of the year baby-sitting and child-minding for them. I sat at my computer and poured all of my hurt into a letter to them both. Of course I never sent the letter but at least I externalized the hurt. We have never asked either of them for anything nor would we. We love them very much but it taught us a valuable lesson to never take anything for granted.

It's easy for those who don't mind/are happy too or prefer to spend Christmas day on their own to think that Resume should feel the same but we're all different.

I would hate it.

For me, xmas day is just another day.
I live alone with my dog, my sons both do 'the day' with friends, none of us particularly enjoy xmas anyway.
I normal try to sleep the day away but if I'm actual awake I'll shove a frozen pizza in the oven, if I can be bothered, otherwise it'll probably be soup and/or a sandwich.
I lock my front door usually on 21 Dec and don't emerge until 27/28th. I don't see our speak to anyone for that whole week.
I've done this for the past 7yrs, so this will be the 8th xmas I'll be on my own and I really don't care.

I can certainly sympathise with your feelings! Are they free to come to you on Boxing day?

Sorry you have been upset - very thoughtless of your daughters. This could happen to lots of us. I hope that something happens to give you a good day. If it were me I would plan special menu with my favourite foods. A good bottle of wine - or G&T and a special pud - blow the calories and some quality chocs. rent a movie or get a dvd. Dry the tears and try not to ruin your relationship with your daughters. I would rather have my own company than just being with someone for the sake of it. x

MissAdventure

Sorry, I don't understand what you're saying.

Sorry, meant to quote the person you were responding to, that said they'd not be available for any other plans if the daughters didn't come on Christmas Day.

I am usually invited to my son's home for Christmas day but just in case he does not invite me I got a brochure from Shearings who do coach tours to various hotels where they do a lovely Christmas dinner and tea and mince pies and various entertainments and drinks etc. Worth thinking about.

Oh good.
I kept reading it and thought I'd lost me marbles.

Smileless2012

Resume isn't talking about her d's.i.l. MercuryQueen she's talking about her D's and it's possible to alternate isn't it? One year with mum so she's not on her own and the following year with the in laws.

If both D's took it in turns, they'd each get to spend Christmas with their p's.i.l. every other year. How is that unreasonable?

Rusume hasn't clarified if her daughters had taken turns up until now, or had both always been at hers.

Another poster suggested to be unavailable if the daughters wanted an alternate day. That's what I was responding to. Seemed unfair to me, since it would mean the in-laws would never get a turn.

Volunteer and and I'm sure you will cheer someone else up who has nobody in the world. Then next year do the same again but don't tell them in advance. Give them a taste of their own medicine.

MissAdventure

Oh good.
I kept reading it and thought I'd lost me marbles.

No, that would be me. Hole in the bag, and most are cracked.

We are not wrong for having our own feelings about a situation

What could be wrong is how we act accordingly

So yes, you have the right to be hurt.
It does not mean your AC are going anything wrong at all in this case.

I've always found it hurtful that our only child and her family have never wanted to spend Christmas Day with us. Nearly everyone I know spends the day with their grown up children and grandchildren. We feel like bad parents sometimes but I don't think we were.

Socksandsocks01

Volunteer and and I'm sure you will cheer someone else up who has nobody in the world. Then next year do the same again but don't tell them in advance. Give them a taste of their own medicine.

How does game playing help anything?

The daughters both have partners, who have families. They simply can't be in two places at once, and it's not at all fair that one family should always get the holidays.

Alternating can work, depending on the dynamic. I know some families that get very unhappy if all the AC aren't present, so that might be something to navigate.

Every year I have friends who are absolutely miserable, rushing to different houses, reminding one side of the family or the other that they had last year, it's the other side's turn this year, etc.

Having all the grands together isn't always an option, either. My mother did NOT share well at all, and would've had a complete meltdown at the idea of the other set of grandparents invading HER Christmas. One of my siblings was an essential worker, and had to work. Their spouse made arrangements to to go their parents, rather than my mother's. Mother threw a complete hysterical fit, b/c it was HER YEAR.

When she called me, completely enraged by this, I asked why on Earth her CIL would rather be at their in-laws without their spouse vs their own parents and siblings? "IT'S MY YEAR!" was the only answer I got. There weren't even GC involved!

We throw an open house. Anyone is welcome after 2pm, Christmas Day. I'm never sure who all is coming, b/c my adult daughter has a tendency to call up and announced, "Hey, Mom? You've adopted another kid..." and away we go.

i have been on my own on christmas day in years past and will be again this year.
it means i can do exactly what i want and when i want.
if i want bucks fizz for breakfast after getting up late or having my christmas meal half way through the afternoon then i'll do it.
and it also means i can watch what i want on the tv too. and if i feel sleepy then i can just fall asleep and not worry if i snore!

Once our 3 AC married and had their own families we fully accepted that they would make their own arrangements for Christmas and establish their own Christmas traditions - which may not include us. That's how it should be surely. For them to visit us and DILs parents over Christmas would mean a lot of travelling, hardly a relaxing Christmas for them.

We have often booked Christmas lunch at a pub or hotel to make it an easy day for us as well, and we thoroughly enjoyed being on our own and doing as we pleased.

It's true we are a couple, but I know if I was on my own I would hate my family worrying about me 'being alone' at Christmas. I am quite content with my own company even at Christmas.

Having said all that, we will have a full house this Christmas (13 of us) for the first time in six years, so we'll make the most of it - Covid permitting of course!

Yes, alternating is what I suggested earlier.

we dont see any of ours on Christmas day either.
Hubby and I volunteer, along with a team of others, on Christmas day to provide a meal and merriment for those who would be alone on the day without the hall to come to.
Could you volunteer? Could you join in with an event as a participant?
We do Christmas Day No2 whereby they all come to us in a week or so after Christmas and we do all the presents from our side of the family then. The grandchildren love it and we get to see them open presents and enjoy their merriment.
Sadly part and parcel of children being grown and flown.

When my two boys reached adult hood I told them they were free to spend Christmas Day how they wanted. They have since thanked my for not tying them down Christmas Day. I have spent a few Christmases with them but not many I see no reason why anyone should feel obliged to spend the day with anybody else especially when they have their own little ones who they want to build Christmas memories and traditions with.

Sod them! Their loss. Remember how you feel now the next time they want something from you....