Addressing an envelope to an unmarried couple

I usually just put the name of my friend/relative, then 'and family'.

welbeck

trisher

My mother always insisted that a married woman took her husbands initial when she was sent a letter and only regained her own initial when she was widowed. So John Smith's wife Linda was Mrs J Smith until he died when she became Mrs L Smith.

this is one of the things that enrages women on MN, esp from MILs, some of whom seem to do it just to annoy their DIL.
so be warned !

Funny that this should come up. For some reason my John Lewis account addresses my orders to Mrs (husband’s initial) Parsley and I am inexplicably annoyed by it. I am not enraged, by the way, but definitely annoyed.

We get letters/cards addressed in all sorts of ways; sometimes making us out to be a married couple (which we're not) sometimes just our forenames and sometimes both our names in full. I don''t really mind.

What matters is that the address is correct!

The envelope goes in the recycling bin, whatever it says...

To be fair to all those who get inexplicably annoyed, it is confusing!

DD was one of the few of her generation who wanted to become Mrs husband's name after they married. Not as in Mrs John Smith, you understand, but definitely Mrs Mary Smith. She found changing her name on all official forms was not easy or straightforward.

Love to and from Mary Smith, John Smith and all the little Smiths.

Having forgotten brother and SiL’s pets before our recent present swop meet-up, the other day I posted a small parcel addressed to The Puddy Tats. ?

Initial and surname is correct with any prefix such as Dr, Professor, Sir, Lady in front of the initial. In this day it shouldn't be a problem to address someone in the correct manner on an envelope.

I have no objection to being addressed as Mr and Mrs DH whatever on envelopes but really hate Mrs Dh Whatever when that is not my name

Before my sister married again I just wrote sister and partner?

I address any unmarried couples with - A B Smith-Jones. Putting the correct address and post code is more important than how the recipients are addressed.

I never even gave this any thought previously. I tend to write Mrs J Smith (her name being Doris and his name being James). I do this because it's what I learned at school.
I shall definitely have a re-think. Thank you.

I took my DH’s surname when I married but never particularly wanted to be called just Mrs Magic - much too formal. My mother infuriatingly always insisted on addressing post to me as Mrs DH’s initial Magic which made me feel as though I’d disappeared completely!

However when my DF died my mother told me how she had been so proud being addressed as ‘Mrs DF’s initial & surname’.
Afraid I made the decision there and then that I would always (probably incorrectly) address letters and cards to her in the way she would most wish.

And that surely is the answer, ask people how they would wish to be addressed. It circumvents all the wondering and all the potential for inadvertently upsetting them.

The cohabiting couples I know have usually become known to me by one partner first so I address on the envelope to that person but add the partner's name on the greeting inside. Luckily on couple I know who where cohabiting before I met them are neighbours so it's both first names on the front then hand delivered myself.

When my son got his phd, ( sorry about the stealth boast?), his brother insisted on addressing his envelope as Mrs Smith and Not-A-Medical-Doctor Smith. It has been a family joke ever since.

Trisha, that's what I was taught too.

Adults I write R Smith & L Brown
DGC I write The Beautiful Lucy Lockett or The Handsome Tom Thumb (but their real names)
My DGC love getting post

This situation occurs among several of our family and friends. With family I address envelopes using both their surnames. But in the case of friends I often don't know the partner's surname, only ever having been introduced on first name terms, so I address it to the partner whose surname I do know. It seems to work, no-one has ever commented or been upset by it.

I'm probably a bit old fashioned about address etiquette. I would never address anything with a full Christian name, not even to a child, I'd put Miss A Smith or Master B Jones. It's the way I was brought up and also taught at school. Our GC love it and say they immediately know it's from me! I told the boys that once they are 18 the 'Master' will become 'Mr' as they are then adults, and they like the significance of that.

I have a relation with a title and an impressive string of qualifications which he always includes on his correspondence. I think it's great that he does that, he worked hard to achieve them. The only problem is that sometimes card envelopes are too small to fit it all on!

A bit off-piste here, but does anyone else use a favourite pen for writing their Christmas cards? I did my cards last night and had to search high and low for my Mont Blanc fountain pen (a gift from my son some years ago), but oh the joy of writing with it again, it improves even my spidery handwriting! I should use it more often.

I just write Christian names. My father, who lived out of the country used to write to me, addressed to Mrs and then my husbands full name. It irritated me hugely but as he was extremely old school I never got around to telling him. Really, as I used to tell myself, does it really matter?

Also struggling with what to sign…..son has new partner. Do I write from mum and dad (not her parents!) or Sue and xxxx, which seems a bit weird for my son!!

When I was at school in the 1930s. I taught the way described by Trisher and we couldn’t wait to take our husbands name. When my husband was alive I was addressed as Mrs his forename surname. When widowed and now Mrs my forename and his surname. I hate it when addressed without the Mrs.
Seems these days women feel superior to their husbands rather than equals.

How is it equal to take your husbands name?

There are quite a few still offended at unmarrieds shacking up, do you think they care less? Just put both first names, why not?

I have a niece (not married) who has been with her partner several years and they have a young son together. I address their envelope to Ms (her name and surname) and family. Not had any complaints.

I've got one: DS has new partner named LOZ ......yes! She's all but 40 and it's short for Lorraine, which is what her ma and pa use. Personally I think it's embarrassing and adolescent and it sticks on my throat when I speak to her if you get what I mean, basically I feel daft using a childish nickname. But it's what they use........

My daughter and her husband are addressed as Dr initial and surname and Mr initial and surname .That's how they have always been addressed. My daughter always says she was Dr first and worked very hard for that title and decided she didn't want to change to another name. I have known many female Drs who kept the name they qualified under. It's not unusual.