No help, no gift so we are skiing

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Sorry didn't see that it's an old post .
Why do they pop up ?!

I have really struggled to care for my father and now he's passed with deteriorating health for the last two years without help from my adult children .
I send them presents for Easter ,birthdays and Christmas .
They aren't usually acknowledged .
I know through a family member that they've had nice holidays .
I never thought that they could be like this .
It breaks my heart .
I'm hoping to settle some finances this year and I plan some trips alone .

aggie

My Mum took rent from me , her idea ! But I was happy to think I was helping her out
I earned under £35. I had to give her £10 , it was good training for me
I only found out years later that she had saved it and used it to pay for my wedding

My first holiday job (supermarket checkout) paid £8.50 a week, out of which I had to give my mother £3.

Dh earned over £20 a week on building sites during student holidays, and wasn’t expected to give his parents anything. And they were very far from well off - if anything, more skint than mine.

I'll just say that my 12 year old grandson who has ASD and ADHD used to walk away from the table leaving eerything behind him. One day I asked him if he could just take his plate and glass into the kitchen for me. He did it quite happily and ever since then has always cleared up after himself. He's also very good at presents.

Old post!

I hope they enjoyed skiing. This OP was made in 2022.

Enjoy your Christmas! Sounds like you are making the best of a tricky situation. X

😂👏👏👏👏👏👏good for you.

That sounds like an incredibly frustrating and deflating way to spend Christmas — especially when you’ve put in the effort to make the day special and got very little appreciation in return.

At least you and your DH made a good call turning that disappointment into something positive for yourselves. A holiday funded by “unspent” generosity sounds like the perfect way to reclaim the joy.

Allsorts

Never heard in my life if do many neuro diverse ADH and other terms. I worked in a school and out of a class of 40 only one was a what we called a slow learner, I wonder why it's so common now.

It isn't common now. It isn't a fad.
There is a much greater understanding of neuro diverse conditions such as autism/ADHD now. With that comes professional assessments and a diagnosis to help and support that person throughout life.
I remember a boy in my Primary school class (1950's) who sat on his own and spent his day drawing and playing with plasticine and raffia. He was called 'backward' but I now know he was on the spectrum.

Never heard in my life if do many neuro diverse ADH and other terms. I worked in a school and out of a class of 40 only one was a what we called a slow learner, I wonder why it's so common now.

Curious what is the situation now? I am learning about Teens with PDA profile, so any updates, please do

I wanted to leave school at 17 years old, my mum was fuming, she gave me 2 weeks to get a job or I was going back to school. I got a job and she took half my wages for food and board from my first pay packet. That's the way it was then, you wanted to work and be a grown up so that's what you did.
I had to do housework, my own washing and ironing, etc; no molly coddling for us, you didn't like it you knew where the door was. I'm thankful to her, she made us grow up and look after ourselves.

Apart from help and gifts - we are of the mind to spend before we pass, nothing to save for at advanced age. Just care, imo.

From the day of their first job at 16 my 3C payed a sum called rent depending on their pay. I wanted them to understand a pay packet comes with obligations and was not all available for use. Much later the money, that I had banked in their names, was given to them as a lump sum for a Wedding, Masters Degree and Teaching degree. It was much appreciated at a time of great expense.

Wishing you a FANTASTIC holiday-enjoy it xx

I speak for the majority. I know many who cleared off abroad for a few months but you know all too well that it wasn't the accepted norm it became. Most families neede the money of a working teen in the house, well off? Lucky you!

Gab56 speak for yourself about not having a gap year in the 60’s.

but think its just a whole recent thing of adopting modern names for something that mostly the media dredge up to use

Some of it might be but Neurodiverse is a term used by ASD specialists. As for using the word "spastic", yes in the medical world for damaged/deformed parts of the body it may well be used but you'd be slaughtered for using it to describe a disabled person. Language evolves so maybe that is a lesson for your sons.

I still use the traditional term for a snooty consultant too (t**t) !!!

I suppose it's a "welcome to modern life" ?! In our early adulthood we worked either at 15/16/18/21 depending on when education finished.no 'gap' years stuffed with self indulgent getting p****every night and doing shrooms or whatever they pop nowadays! We had VSO if not ready for work yet. And we gained valuable life experiences. We got married young! Anything from 16 onwards, either renting living with in-laws if suprise babe in tow, or took our lives in our hands and threw ourselves on the sacrificial altar of "The Mortgage" !!!! Resigning ourselves to the next 25 by ears of doing without so we could enjoy a comfy playtime retirement like ma and pa! Sadly those somewhat tatty round the edges second hand/ hand me down days of fourth hand cars and rented TV with occasional break every 3rd year to cheapo resort/Devon and Cornwall are gone! We've allowed it to happen and spoiled kids don't come home to roost- they never bloody fledge! You HAVE to put yourself first, it's a killer but time is precious after working life and they've got literally decades to sort themselves out as we had, enjoy your skiing WITHOUT guilt!!😁

Icanhandthemback- my boys ARE the new generation! (19&24) but think its just a whole recent thing of adopting modern names for something that mostly the media dredge up to use- and actually the medical term 'spastic' is still used in medical world to describe the neurological/ medical condition cerebral palsy- even by their neurologist consultant.

I asked both sons (last christmas) "what part of christmas do you most like?" They said tree/decorations so thats what i put them in charge of.it wasnt perfect but it passed muster.Worked quite well.As i said specific instructions.In 2019 I was very ill and xmas day found them both on phone to siblings asking how to do xmas dinner and with enough specific instructions from the others they muddled through & made a meal between them.