Treating myself. Living alone

Thank you Jackaranda

Food is very important and needs a bit of thought. It is all too easy to grab some cheese and biscuits instead of a proper meal.

I will be getting an organic veg box, getting such a box makes sure that I eat properly every single day and I have been adding to it for the christmas period

I will be getting cream and a small stuffed turkey breast or stuffed leg. I was in marks today and they have the nicest looking christmas dinner for one, which can be frozen but not for me, I need to be `hands on`

I have the organic mincemat and an air fryer and in a couple of weeks will make small mince pies, which I freeze raw and they bake very nicely in the air fryer. I bought a small tefal air fryer so anything in that has to be small. I use egg tart moulds from amazon, 12 in a pack for £11. They are 7cm in diameter. Very good quality

One year I made a 6" christmas cake but I have decided to be more mindful about what I eat these days, it took me a very long time to get to the weight I am now

No crisps as they are too tempting but I did get some roasted nuts and a few biscuits and a limited amount of chocolate. I have ordered a small cheese platter because I can freeze the hard cheeses in chunks, to match that I have some nice bath olivers.

I am not fussed on alcohol but have bought a lovely jar of cherries in kirsch. Not forgetting the croissants, which I have already made and frozen and the lovely tiny pots of tip tree jams in my `after christmas` second advent calendar. Smoked salmon is in the freezer, I portioned it first and today I got a small gammon from marks, in the freezer now, to cook for christmas.

karmalady Your decorations sound beautiful - if they have given you pleasure in the past, maybe try putting some up and see how you feel. It helps that you have made sure they are easily accessible and they will make your home cosier and welcoming. I'm so very sorry you lost your husband so suddenly - you very definitely deserve special treats for the festive time.

I am debating about whether I should bother with decorations, or not. Most of me is minded not to bother but the christmas season needs that bit of cheer and the pretty decorations. I had started to collect beautiful things, georg jensen and alessi and my husband had made a couple

It is easier for me as I have a wooden scandi tree which is perfect for the beautiful hanging things. I don`t even have to go into the loft, I placed everything carefully in boxes on two shelves in my garage. I do have to psyche myself to set everything up and perhaps that will happen nearer to the day

Maybe getting through my lakrids advent calendar will motivate me

I didn`t have any warning about becoming a widow. Out he went on his bike on one of his usual rides. A policeman came to the door, there was an air ambulance. It has taken a lot of will power to overcome the trauma but I live with the thought that I can cope

oh Greyduster... you and I are so different. I wish my family would visit me more, but then I guess I have been a little too self reliant in the first years... this is year 5 for me.

I can do a few decorations, but.. like so many people and not all widows/widowers,, will be glad when it is over.

I have been invited for Christmas Dinner to ds and dil, so I should be grateful, and I am.. but so many days.....

Second Christmas for me. The worst time of the year for me because he absolutely adored Christmas. It was his time. I’m resigned to it. Last year I didn’t even want to put up a tree, but GS persuaded me that “Grandad would be sad if I didn’t!” I was a month into having had my hip replaced which didn’t help, so I couldn’t be left alone even though I wanted to. This year I have agreed to go to DD’s on Christmas Day and stay over, and DS and his family will come to me on Boxing Day. None of it is what I want, but they are wonderful people and don’t deserve for me to be churlish with them, no matter how I feel.

I lost my darling husband very suddenly 4 yrs ago this Christmas he was found dead in his car on his way to take our DD to work,no warning nothing.
I still cannot get over the shock and expect him to walk through the door .
This year I shall go to my DDs again we both used to go every year and enjoy family time with our GCs.
This year on Boxing day I shall be by myself and order nice goodies from M&S with a good bottle of red.
Treat myself to nice PJs and slippers to snuggle up and watch TV & read my favourite forums

I am not dreading christmas at all, it in inevitable that it has changed but the reality is that one of a couple is left behind and I was and am, the the one who copes so best be me

My snacks to treat myself are now all bought and tucked away. I don`t mind this season, I like it when the country slows down for a while. I will be making two journeys in my car and leaving for home, before the glare of headlights. I like my memories but I don`t dwell on them. I tend to live for now

Finding it hard to read this thread, am in the same boat as so many, in fact in year 2, month 2. But thanks for all your comments.
We hear nothing from widowers. I just remember how my stepfather was inconsolable after my DM died. (They had both been widowed previously but were actually the loves of each others' lives.)
Perhaps men just don't like admitting to being grief-stricken.

To charliebb and win and all the other widows on here whether your loss is recent (last Friday!) or years ago, I am so sorry. I am lucky enough still to have my DH and we have been married nearly 51 years. But I can just imagine what it would be like without him.

My third Christmas without my DH and yes, it does get less painful. My two sons and families live in different countries, far away from the sunny island we retired to, but I am blessed with wonderful friends, more like family really, with whom we spent Christmas every year and that tradition has continued since his death. There will be a dozen or more of us for Christmas lunch but I will take a little time out at some point during the day to sit quietly and remember. I will unwrap the present I buy from DH and will join in the festivities before coming back to my nest on the 29th. Sadly., this year I no longer have the company of my beloved dog who died two weeks ago so the homecoming will be a solitary one. Perhaps I will get myself a few treats to enjoy at New Year, when I will probably need cheering up before going off to bed at my usual time.
My sympathies to those grieving recent loss of a loved one. The first Christmas can be very difficult. Be kind to yourself.

knspol I wish I could be like you. my dh died just before the covid was announced, I think during those lockups etc. I didn`t get to grieve, and now think I could be in that "prolongued grieving" I get out and about, but dread the thought of Christmas. My eldest dsand dil will have me for lunch Christmas Day,, and that will be o.k. for me, but the rest of the prolonged holiday.... well just praying for us all.

I can simulate "jolly" when I am with other people, but I am sure we all know that it is one huge act.

4 years now since DH died. DS lives with me now so Christmas hasn't changed a great deal. I still have him, his ex, his son, DD and her husband and two boys coming for lunch. I seem to have narrowly missed having the ex's mother as well, which would have been a bit of a strain as she speaks very little English. To be honest DH really didn't enjoy Christmas, too many people, too much noise, and he was a nightmare to buy presents for. So while I always miss him it's a lot easier to get through the day without having to organise everything round him.

It will be the second Christmas alone for me too. I do have some family nearby but really I would prefer to just spend the day on my own in my own home with my own memories. Last year I did go to family for a few hours in the morning but then left before the meal it was just too difficult to try to be jolly and it also seemed wrong to try. They will be upset if I don't join them again this year but I don't know how to explain that I'd prefer to just spend the day at home on my own. Your ideas of little treats is one I think I'll be trying, thanks for that.

Thank you Karmalady for making me think about this, I shall get myself organised. And to all of you who have lost loved ones recently, you won’t believe me but it will get better. You will never stop missing them but the pain will lessen.

This will be my first Christmas without my DH who died in September. My sister who's DH died in February is coming to stay with me for Christmas . Two widows together.

Hugs to all who have lost someone they love. To those recently bereaved it will get better. I didn't believe that when I lost my DH almost five years ago. He was only in his early fifties and it was so sudden. For weeks I struggled to even do simple tasks like make a cup of tea. Recently I have moved house which was hard and have a part time job which I really enjoy. Of course I would give anything to have DH back and still often weep for him but it really will become less raw.

As for Christmas the first year my friend and her husband invited my lovely Dad and I for dinner, the second Christmas I spend with Dad (during covid and he was terminally ill), third Christmas was spent at home alone (still covid rules and I was awaiting the results of a covid test anyway. It was fine as I had brought some treats and snuggled up with my lovely old dog) and last Christmas back at my friend's. This year will be with son, daughter in law and toddler. I won't spend the whole day there as feel it is important for them to enjoy the magic of the day as a wee family.

I treat myself to a couple of magazine subscriptions ( never automatically renew them but cancel and take out a new subscription as usually get a better deal and a nice freebie) and did a monthly cosmetics subscription for a year as well.

So sorry Denny, thinking of you x.

Hugs to those who are dreading Christmas, especially the first year after loosing loved ones. xx

So very sorry to hear this Denny, it isn't surprising that you are finding life hard

This is the first time I have plucked up the courage to write a comment. I lost my only daughter in May, and am finding it very hard to cope. I am dreading Christmas, although I won’t be alone as I still have my husband , who is very supportive. My daughter is not his biological child. I will just be glad when Christmas and New Year are over .

Your posts make me feel so lucky to still have my husband, though I know that, at 77, his dodgy heart means that he will not be with be with me forever.
My father died when he was only 60 and my mother was alone for almost 30 years. We did what we could but I know that losing your partner is devastating and I'm so impressed by the positivity shown here. Hope this doesn't sound patronising, I know how hard it is in reality.

Sound good to me.

I have somehow been persuaded into having my daughter’s partner’s mother here for lunch on Xmas day. She has 4 children of her own who live locally but for various reasons they don’t invite her.

This will be my 4th Christmas without my husband, not sure yet how I will spend it. I know my daughter will be staying with her in laws, and my son and his wife have a new baby, so they can’t plan much. We haven’t had the conversation yet, but I know they will feel obligated to host/visit on Christmas Day, but I would honestly rather be home alone. I’m in my tiny downsize house, which I have made into a cosy nest. I have saved some soppy Christmas books, picked up some jigsaws from charity shops, have some wool to knit hats. I have a pile of travel brochures ready to plan some trips for next Spring, and a few DVDs to entertain myself with. I don’t cook much nowadays, but will be getting in some treats from M&S. I know it’s a long stretch to get through, but if you’re well prepared there’s no need to be mopey.

My husband died 6 years ago , and I miss him every day still whilst coping a bit better as the time goes by. I moved from the house we shared and loved about 18 months ago because of illness and needing to be nearer a hospital etc etc. It was much worse than I had expected, the actual moving was just the usual hassle with covid added to the problems but I hadnt expected to feel the loss of my husband so strongly over again. I realised that whilst I was in the house we had shared he was still there to me. Moving here made me feel really without him. However we get through these things and I know that practically it was a good thing to do. So at least I am not so worried about bills etc and jobs needing doing on the house etc. Can concentrate on remembering all the lovely times we shared and doing some things that we did not do together, but also we used to sail so go to the coast and take my coffee and binoculars and a sandwich and enjoy the view and think of him. I have coped with the christmas day s in different ways. First christmas I decided to ignore it, made a sandwich and coffee etc and drove to the top of the dales, where I read and thought of him and had my picnic and cried etc, but it was better than feeling alone in amongst a crowd. Then another year hadnt been very well so awarded myself christmas in bed and told a couple of lies to people saying that I was staying with other people etc. I made sure I had some food that i liked and then just was quite happy sitting around in a dressing gown, only getting up when I wanted and watching and listening to everything I want to . Too yorkshire to go away at the extortionate prices they charge for christmas but have a couple of times had a very nice meal in that time between christmas and new year when restaurants and cafes need to keep staff on. Also now tend to plan a trip for perhaps february time. Love gardens and belong to RHS so look and see what gardens might be open and go and enjoy them. So we carry on. I do not eat cheese but still found myself looking to see the cost of blue stilton which is the treat I always got for him for christmas. So still cannot break the habit of checking the cheese. Since he died I have chosen to give some money every year to a charity, which in my mind I see as his gift , so that his kind and generous spirit is still here in my life. This year I expect to be here on my own but over the holidays will see some friends, have food I like. Shall treat myself to a piece of duck which I enjoy and then if other years are anything to go by, am a welcome guest who is happy to have a cold turkey sandwich when familes have all got fed up with it! Will have a decent glass of wine and lots of different vegetables and that will be a very good christmas dinner for me. One thing doing this I hopefully wont end up with loads of wasted food nor enormous bills when christmas is over. Hurray for music, I am singing in a couple of christmas concerts for charities so rehearsals and practise are needed and we are raising funds for them and music lifts the heart alwyas . Well it does for me and I hope for you all. Of course we do have each other to contact which is very good and cheering over this time. Wishing you all some good times to enjoy and look forward to reaeding all your interesting comments on here.