Anyone else lonely this Christmas

So brave of people to admit to feeling lonely. I think it's a common feeling and not just at Christmas but it's risky to admit it because people can be patronising or judgmental about one's supposed lack of effort or social skills. It just happens to a lot of people and is no reflection on the individual but rather on our society which is consumerist and focused on 'families', meaning younger families. I spend Xmas with my sisters but I do feel lonely at other times when I can't see anyone for days - everyone is busy. I have spent a couple of Christmases on my own and it helped to just think of it as an ordinary day (I am not religious). It also helps to think that the perfect Xmas we see in adverts doesn't happen for a lot of people even those with their families around them because there can be all sorts of tensions. Just think of it as another day and do what suits you!

The (extended every year) run up to Christmas does not help. Dozens of adverts showing happy families sharing copious meals whilst dressed in their best. Some people start putting up their Christmas tree after Bonfire Night and may well become jaded by Chistmas Eve.

For the last few weeks we've had a friend over to watch Strictly. He hadn't watched the first 6 programmes because it brought back too many memories of watching and discussing with his wife, who died last year. So I cook an early dinner and we watch and talk and decide who's best. We then talk by phone over the results. I shall invite him for lunch on Christmas Day but he may well have other invitations.

I recently read "All the Lonely People" by Mike Gayle about an elderly West Indian Man who is befriended by a young, single mum, who has recently moved into the area. The form a two person support group and then decide to try to help other lonely people. It is a beautiful book and shows what could be done, if there's a will.

I too am alone Christmas and New year. I've been on my own for the last two Christmases but this year to avoid spending all day in pyjamas crying I've volunteered to help out with my church who do a Christmas dinner for people on their own.I'm nervous about it because I'm not good with strangers but I'm determined to do it provided my blood pressure is ok.
I feel for you Christmas and New year just another lonely day really. All I can say is try to keep your mind occupied on other things reading, playing online quizes, watching tv, going for a walk.
I'll be thinking of you and all the other lovely people on their own at Christmas.

I will spend Christmas day with family but it will be a long total holiday this year covering the weekend then Christmas & Boxing Days then weekend after! Will see no one all through that as family will be back to work. Have recently moved so no friends made yet & do not expect to till good weather returns. So yes will be lonely at Christmas but my own fault really.

i will be alone over christmas but i won't be lonely.
i can please myself about everything from when i get up in the morning until when i go to bed at night.
i will cook a traditional christmas meal, watch what tv i want and eat and drink what i like.
and i will see the new year in on my own with a glass of something alcoholic and with the wish that 2024 will be better than 2023 (not difficult as 2023 has been my annus horriblis).
i hope that everyone can have as good a christmas and new year as they can.

This year I feel particularly lonely, even though I lost DH 2 years ago.
I have also very recently lost a very dear friend, all this seems to make life very empty.
The thought of joining groups and chatting to people, fills me with fear.
Christmas used to be such a joyful time,cooking for family and now nothing !
What a miserable old lady I have become, but I send hugs and warm wishes to all alone this Christmas

Nobody has mentioned where they live. I live in the suburbs of London so maybe it was marginally easier for me. I am part of 2 coffee meetups with other GNs. The first is local with 3 others and we meet monthly for a cup of coffee at Waitrose. I think we are in our 5th or 6th year now. The second is a larger group and we met at Debenhams in Oxford Street before Covid and before the store closed down, We met regularly and it was a larger group of around 10+ I think.

I am also very much on my own and have spent Christmas etc on my own for around 8 years now. I am also a pen (email) friend with 2 other GNs who live many miles away, near Worcester and Somerset.

There are many meetups all over the country- you do not have to organise anything if you do not want to- to date I have been happy to do it. I have met some really nice people with this
method.

I think I may too feel lonely this Christmas, inspite of my lovely son and partner staying for a week in the UK.

I am currently living with my ex husband, which is far from ideal, due to moving away from a domestic abusive son number 2 and his wife.
The house sale took a while to complete and 2 years on, and 20 plus house viewings later, I am still here.

We try to live amacably, but it is not always easy from both points of view.

I miss my grandchildren, aged 7 and 9, whom I haven't seen for 5 years now.
I have the flu at the moment and this is worsening my attitude.

Inspite of my current challenges, I love Christmas time and I am looking forward to seeing my eldest son and lovely partner.

It won't be the same, I guess, but I will give it my best shot.

Isolation, family break down and estrangement can be incredibly painful to experience, as noted in this discussion.

I wish everyone a peaceful and hopeful Christmas.

I never know how I am going to feel at this time. My husband died 6 years ago and I seem to cope quite well at some times and on other occasions I feel extremely upset and alone. I am a singer and when singing in concerts or with carols for a charity that is fine as it is sort of a job if you understand and I want to do the best I can, but at other times , whilst I do not in any way want anyone else to be in the same position seeing family groups together or going to anywhere which meant something special to my family I could weep and feel so alone. So I have a couple of things I do. Sometimes I make a rather special picnic of things I enjoy and go off to somewhere not too far away but somewhere I havent been before so there is no connection and I can enjoy myself. sometimes it works well other times not so well, but I feel pleased that I made the effort. Then as I have moved to a new town from where we lived I have decided to take the plunge and go to a christmas meal at our town hall. I have offered to collect a couple of other people in my car, and that will be in the middle of the day but will allow me to try it out, if I enjoy it I can stay for a while, if I find it difficult I can have a convenient headache or say I am expecting a phone call (which will be the truth but later) A couple of years ago I deliberately left the ironing and spent the christmas day afternoon ironing and listening to radio 3 , which I found a better way. I will probably go to a christmas eve carol concert and then I am quite happy to spend part of the christmas day doing the ironing and can also be glad that I havent spent a fortune on lots of unnecessary food or alcohol but have also found I have been very welcome on boxing day or later when I meet anyone as they are glad to give me a turkey sandwich as they are sick of it and I am not!! Mind you again I sigh a little when I remember all the soups and stuff I used to do when I had the family around me. Now we do have this connection and no doubt lots of us will go online and chat with each other. I have been very grateful for this forum, especially when I cant sleep well and know that if it is 4.20am , no problem I can still read your posts and put my two pennorth in . Even if everyone who reads it thinks what rubbish I have been able to join in and it is great to be able to have a moan or comment which isnt going to hurt anyone else, and so cheering when I read other posts that agree with me !! I wish you a peaceful and happy christmas and dont forget that one of the possible alternative is to be with loads of people who are difficult to please, drive you mad, or want to only do what they want . there are many people who would love to be able to sit there doing exactly what they want to do and if that is sit in your pajamas all day and eat chocolate , so what? Just remember that horrible christmas that you once endured years ago!! When we feel alone we always think that those large family groups are having a lovely time when they might want to thump each other really!! Remember we are all here anyway and will be around on the day so you do have some company if not in actual fact we are here online. All the best

Part of mine and hubbys Christmas Day before covid was in a church hall being part of a team that provided a 5 course meal to people who would otherwise be alone on the day, as well as entertainment and a pressie from Santa.
Sadly so much of this stopped due to covid but I know a few places locally have started it up again.
Now instead we have half a dozen people we visit, we get a list, and we take them a present ( supplied to us not out of our pocket ) have a 10 minute chat, wish them a merry Christmas and move onto the next. We love doing it and find it very rewarding.
Out with the season I like others feel you would benefit from some company and should try and find something you enjoy.
If you don't feel you could cope with that your local council should be able to get you a telephone befriender. I make one call a week to my allotted person and she looks forward to the calls and it cheers her up.

madeleine45

I never know how I am going to feel at this time. My husband died 6 years ago and I seem to cope quite well at some times and on other occasions I feel extremely upset and alone. I am a singer and when singing in concerts or with carols for a charity that is fine as it is sort of a job if you understand and I want to do the best I can, but at other times , whilst I do not in any way want anyone else to be in the same position seeing family groups together or going to anywhere which meant something special to my family I could weep and feel so alone. So I have a couple of things I do. Sometimes I make a rather special picnic of things I enjoy and go off to somewhere not too far away but somewhere I havent been before so there is no connection and I can enjoy myself. sometimes it works well other times not so well, but I feel pleased that I made the effort. Then as I have moved to a new town from where we lived I have decided to take the plunge and go to a christmas meal at our town hall. I have offered to collect a couple of other people in my car, and that will be in the middle of the day but will allow me to try it out, if I enjoy it I can stay for a while, if I find it difficult I can have a convenient headache or say I am expecting a phone call (which will be the truth but later) A couple of years ago I deliberately left the ironing and spent the christmas day afternoon ironing and listening to radio 3 , which I found a better way. I will probably go to a christmas eve carol concert and then I am quite happy to spend part of the christmas day doing the ironing and can also be glad that I havent spent a fortune on lots of unnecessary food or alcohol but have also found I have been very welcome on boxing day or later when I meet anyone as they are glad to give me a turkey sandwich as they are sick of it and I am not!! Mind you again I sigh a little when I remember all the soups and stuff I used to do when I had the family around me. Now we do have this connection and no doubt lots of us will go online and chat with each other. I have been very grateful for this forum, especially when I cant sleep well and know that if it is 4.20am , no problem I can still read your posts and put my two pennorth in . Even if everyone who reads it thinks what rubbish I have been able to join in and it is great to be able to have a moan or comment which isnt going to hurt anyone else, and so cheering when I read other posts that agree with me !! I wish you a peaceful and happy christmas and dont forget that one of the possible alternative is to be with loads of people who are difficult to please, drive you mad, or want to only do what they want . there are many people who would love to be able to sit there doing exactly what they want to do and if that is sit in your pajamas all day and eat chocolate , so what? Just remember that horrible christmas that you once endured years ago!! When we feel alone we always think that those large family groups are having a lovely time when they might want to thump each other really!! Remember we are all here anyway and will be around on the day so you do have some company if not in actual fact we are here online. All the best

So good to read and know that you are not the only one feeling this way.
Yes, we are all here and you are all good company

I cope well, widowed too after 45 years of happy marriage. I am a pragmatic person and will cope well enough as I have good hobbies that engross my mind. I have also prepped for what is rather a long holiday, dvds, books etc and today received a few cookfood meals. I have a small stash of goodies to eat and bought several presents to myself

I do have 3 AC, we are all in touch constantly and I will certainly see the 2 dds, weather permitting as I like to drive to give my car a run, also I like to get back home to my own cosy bed. Ds lives much too far away

It is just a week to fill, I don`t like the false merriment and jingles so I am very choosy about what I have on. I like my own company and am grateful for that. Loneliness has no place in my life, it is just another phase and I have adapted to cope.

There is no turning that clock back, so I look forwards and never backwards

If you go on google you should come up with places where you can go. I was on my own and nothing planned and you everywhere you go you see ppl happy looking forward to it and you not. They are places that do single person Christmas group I went to one and it was Christmas dinner party games etc was really good day with about 200 ppl strangers all in the same position or speak to your neighbors who you know on own. In my place 8 bungalows are together we all having new years drinks in one of the homes I’ve only just moved here so it’s my first year lol really looking forward to it. Don’t be alone if you can help it I’ve been where you are in head

To all of you who will be alone at Christmas but would like to join in with other people on their own but are too frightened.
Please be brave, take a deep breath and walk in to the room. Each time you do that it will become easier.

Some lovely posts. Kind and positive

I remember you posting some months ago about being lonely wfh and having difficulty socialising OP. You were given lots of advice. You said then that although divorced, you have a daughter who you see every week and some friends who visit occasionally. That’s a lot more than some have. Can’t you see your daughter at Christmas? And a friend at NY? And build on those relationships to get more of a social life next year?

This will be my first Christmas with DH. I have put up the Christmas decorations and lights early. I have a new rescue dog as our dog also died this year as well.
It can be very lonely but l know their are others much worse off than myself.
I luckily will see my DS and granddaughter for a few hours on Christmas day and if course take Toby out and hopefully see other dog walkers.
wishing everyone a Merry Christmas.

I shall be on my own this Christmas as DH is in a nursing home and not well. For the past few years we had gone to my daughter for Christmas dinner which has always been very enjoyable just a few hours then home but this year she has informed me thst due to my disability it would be impossible for me yo go as her house is not suitable for wheelchair access due to outside steps. My eldest son who lives 50 miles away will probably visit his dad in the run up to Christmas then call to spend an hour with me and be so frantically busy him and his extended family are having their meal at a hotel,it has been booked for months. My youngest son who lives just 10 minutes away from me does not have anything to do with me or his siblings I don’t even have a birthday or Mother’s Day card from him. Yes I spend a lot of time on my own but I have excellent carers and district nurses who call three times a week and after caring for my husband for years before he went in the home I really appreciate the time I now have for me. I love my IPad it is my lifeline and I have people,to talk to all over the world. I have the TV with Sky and Red button so always have something to watch. Yes I wish I did have someone to share Christmas with and I know there are others in the same situation but I face the future with fortitude and play my fav songs as loud as I want to no point being miserable Happy Christmas to those of you reading this I’m fine thank you 🎄

Mayal and Celianne, you are very brave and inspirational ladies. I hope you both find some happiness over Christmas. 💐💐

You can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely, especially if they're not the people you want

This will be my fifth Christmas without my late DH. Each one has been so different. To be honest I am dreading this one the most. My son, dil and toddler are coming to me as dil doesn't want people in their house on the day (which upset me terribly as they have spent every Christmas day with her family since dh died and have had several of her relatives to stay over on many, many occasions) and I would only have gone for a couple of hours anyway. I don't think it was meant nastily but I felt incredibly upset especially as they live in a large house which I bought them! I am actually dreading the day as I have felt very down and weepy for a few weeks now despite having a job I love, good friends and good health. I really don't want to be the spectre at the feast but am going to really struggle. I have tried to convince them to spend the day at their own home without me (and hopefully we could spend Christmas day together next year) but to no avail. To those who are spending the day alone and are dreading it I have spend one Christmas on my one during covid and it was actually okay. Spent the day eating what I wanted, watched programmes I had recorded, spoke to friends on the phone, etc. I missed dh terribly but could have a cry when I felt I needed to without having to worry that I was ruining the day for everyone else.

Make it a lovely day for yourself. Cook the Christmas dinner and enjoy it. Relax and watch tv. Eat chocolate and drink wine. Read a good book. And think about all the people who are frazzled and angry with the people they’re expected to wait on hand and foot. That’s what I would call an awful Christmas, been there done that, didn’t feel like a holiday at all just hard work.

MJ57
Your local council will have details of volunteering on Xmas day.
The Salvation Army always want drivers on Xmas day. You will drive round and see if there are any people on the streets.
If you want to do one of the big charities like Shelter or Crisis at Christmas you have to put your name down in January.
I’ve done all the charities and general exams day meals.
The best one was with the Quakers. Lovely people.

What a lovely post Madeleine.
It resonated with me.
I have spent NYE by myself for 3 years since DH died
Christmas is a strange one as people , some widowed like me, are supposed to have an answer to the question " what are you doing for Christmas?"

I used to be the hostess/cook sometimes for as many as 30. Now no-one else wants to take over and I think I've done my share so I am seeing all 4 DC separately over the season.

I was amused by someone on the radio who said if you think everyone else is having a wonderful time, tune into East Enders and be reminded of how awful Christmas can be 😂

This will be my 4th Christmas as a widow, but my first completely alone, as my AC are going to their in-laws (which I am fine with.) I considered going away on a Solo break, but I’d rather be at home with my cat. I’m well prepared, with a stack of books, jigsaws, two hats to knit, and plenty to watch on TV or listen to on Radio 4. I’m having a Waitrose delivery with lots of treats. Will go out for walks every day if the weather is dry. I’m quite looking forward to it now, and very thankful that I don’t have to get up at the crack of dawn to cook a huge turkey or hover over umpteen steaming saucepans!