Anyone else lonely this Christmas

I never know how I am going to feel at this time. My husband died 6 years ago and I seem to cope quite well at some times and on other occasions I feel extremely upset and alone. I am a singer and when singing in concerts or with carols for a charity that is fine as it is sort of a job if you understand and I want to do the best I can, but at other times , whilst I do not in any way want anyone else to be in the same position seeing family groups together or going to anywhere which meant something special to my family I could weep and feel so alone. So I have a couple of things I do. Sometimes I make a rather special picnic of things I enjoy and go off to somewhere not too far away but somewhere I havent been before so there is no connection and I can enjoy myself. sometimes it works well other times not so well, but I feel pleased that I made the effort. Then as I have moved to a new town from where we lived I have decided to take the plunge and go to a christmas meal at our town hall. I have offered to collect a couple of other people in my car, and that will be in the middle of the day but will allow me to try it out, if I enjoy it I can stay for a while, if I find it difficult I can have a convenient headache or say I am expecting a phone call (which will be the truth but later) A couple of years ago I deliberately left the ironing and spent the christmas day afternoon ironing and listening to radio 3 , which I found a better way. I will probably go to a christmas eve carol concert and then I am quite happy to spend part of the christmas day doing the ironing and can also be glad that I havent spent a fortune on lots of unnecessary food or alcohol but have also found I have been very welcome on boxing day or later when I meet anyone as they are glad to give me a turkey sandwich as they are sick of it and I am not!! Mind you again I sigh a little when I remember all the soups and stuff I used to do when I had the family around me. Now we do have this connection and no doubt lots of us will go online and chat with each other. I have been very grateful for this forum, especially when I cant sleep well and know that if it is 4.20am , no problem I can still read your posts and put my two pennorth in . Even if everyone who reads it thinks what rubbish I have been able to join in and it is great to be able to have a moan or comment which isnt going to hurt anyone else, and so cheering when I read other posts that agree with me !! I wish you a peaceful and happy christmas and dont forget that one of the possible alternative is to be with loads of people who are difficult to please, drive you mad, or want to only do what they want . there are many people who would love to be able to sit there doing exactly what they want to do and if that is sit in your pajamas all day and eat chocolate , so what? Just remember that horrible christmas that you once endured years ago!! When we feel alone we always think that those large family groups are having a lovely time when they might want to thump each other really!! Remember we are all here anyway and will be around on the day so you do have some company if not in actual fact we are here online. All the best

I think I may too feel lonely this Christmas, inspite of my lovely son and partner staying for a week in the UK.

I am currently living with my ex husband, which is far from ideal, due to moving away from a domestic abusive son number 2 and his wife.
The house sale took a while to complete and 2 years on, and 20 plus house viewings later, I am still here.

We try to live amacably, but it is not always easy from both points of view.

I miss my grandchildren, aged 7 and 9, whom I haven't seen for 5 years now.
I have the flu at the moment and this is worsening my attitude.

Inspite of my current challenges, I love Christmas time and I am looking forward to seeing my eldest son and lovely partner.

It won't be the same, I guess, but I will give it my best shot.

Isolation, family break down and estrangement can be incredibly painful to experience, as noted in this discussion.

I wish everyone a peaceful and hopeful Christmas.

Nobody has mentioned where they live. I live in the suburbs of London so maybe it was marginally easier for me. I am part of 2 coffee meetups with other GNs. The first is local with 3 others and we meet monthly for a cup of coffee at Waitrose. I think we are in our 5th or 6th year now. The second is a larger group and we met at Debenhams in Oxford Street before Covid and before the store closed down, We met regularly and it was a larger group of around 10+ I think.

I am also very much on my own and have spent Christmas etc on my own for around 8 years now. I am also a pen (email) friend with 2 other GNs who live many miles away, near Worcester and Somerset.

There are many meetups all over the country- you do not have to organise anything if you do not want to- to date I have been happy to do it. I have met some really nice people with this
method.

This year I feel particularly lonely, even though I lost DH 2 years ago.
I have also very recently lost a very dear friend, all this seems to make life very empty.
The thought of joining groups and chatting to people, fills me with fear.
Christmas used to be such a joyful time,cooking for family and now nothing !
What a miserable old lady I have become, but I send hugs and warm wishes to all alone this Christmas

i will be alone over christmas but i won't be lonely.
i can please myself about everything from when i get up in the morning until when i go to bed at night.
i will cook a traditional christmas meal, watch what tv i want and eat and drink what i like.
and i will see the new year in on my own with a glass of something alcoholic and with the wish that 2024 will be better than 2023 (not difficult as 2023 has been my annus horriblis).
i hope that everyone can have as good a christmas and new year as they can.

I will spend Christmas day with family but it will be a long total holiday this year covering the weekend then Christmas & Boxing Days then weekend after! Will see no one all through that as family will be back to work. Have recently moved so no friends made yet & do not expect to till good weather returns. So yes will be lonely at Christmas but my own fault really.

I too am alone Christmas and New year. I've been on my own for the last two Christmases but this year to avoid spending all day in pyjamas crying I've volunteered to help out with my church who do a Christmas dinner for people on their own.I'm nervous about it because I'm not good with strangers but I'm determined to do it provided my blood pressure is ok.
I feel for you Christmas and New year just another lonely day really. All I can say is try to keep your mind occupied on other things reading, playing online quizes, watching tv, going for a walk.
I'll be thinking of you and all the other lovely people on their own at Christmas.

The (extended every year) run up to Christmas does not help. Dozens of adverts showing happy families sharing copious meals whilst dressed in their best. Some people start putting up their Christmas tree after Bonfire Night and may well become jaded by Chistmas Eve.

For the last few weeks we've had a friend over to watch Strictly. He hadn't watched the first 6 programmes because it brought back too many memories of watching and discussing with his wife, who died last year. So I cook an early dinner and we watch and talk and decide who's best. We then talk by phone over the results. I shall invite him for lunch on Christmas Day but he may well have other invitations.

I recently read "All the Lonely People" by Mike Gayle about an elderly West Indian Man who is befriended by a young, single mum, who has recently moved into the area. The form a two person support group and then decide to try to help other lonely people. It is a beautiful book and shows what could be done, if there's a will.

So brave of people to admit to feeling lonely. I think it's a common feeling and not just at Christmas but it's risky to admit it because people can be patronising or judgmental about one's supposed lack of effort or social skills. It just happens to a lot of people and is no reflection on the individual but rather on our society which is consumerist and focused on 'families', meaning younger families. I spend Xmas with my sisters but I do feel lonely at other times when I can't see anyone for days - everyone is busy. I have spent a couple of Christmases on my own and it helped to just think of it as an ordinary day (I am not religious). It also helps to think that the perfect Xmas we see in adverts doesn't happen for a lot of people even those with their families around them because there can be all sorts of tensions. Just think of it as another day and do what suits you!

If you like dogs but don’t have one, head for your local park with some good quality dog treats in your pocket. Ask dog owners if you can give their dog a treat. Dog owners are very friendly and will be happy to chat to you about their dog. If you do this regularly you will get to know the dogs and owners. I wish you all the very best and hope this helps.

The Singles holiday companies, Just You, One Traveller etc offer Xmas and NY breaks in the UK and abroad. I am fortunate enough to have family to spend Xmas with, but always go away for the NY.

Hello polomint

Yes that is a very good point, that makes me feel a little better. Oh bless you thank-you, yes count me in I will be here!

You can feel lonely in a crowd of people too. I always think on how lonely people must feel at Xmas as everything in centred on happy families. If even one gransnetter opens a thread early on xmas day, I will certainly have a little chat with you. I will be at my daughters on xmas day and there will be family members there too.

Hello Skydancer,

I will volunteer but l am not quite ready, yes l was looking in my area but cannot see anything.

Hello PamelaJ1,

Oh good for you, l am so glad you are sorted! 😊

MJ,
I’ve told friend 1 that she has to go out or stay in the Annex when friend 2 is here.
She seems happy with that so hopefully all will go well.

That is such a lovely thing to do! But why not say to your friend that you have plans and you can only do one night?

Yes l agree l am not ashamed of saying l am alone and lonely. It feels such a relief to say that!

😊

One year I rang a homeless charity asking if they needed help on Christmas Day. The curt reply was that they needed help all year round rather than just one day. It put me in my place really. I would suggest volunteering for a charity prior to Christmas (maybe too late this year I realise) and then chances are you will be needed over Christmas. Also, where I live, I have seen posters for Christmas lunches for people on their own. Perhaps there is something like that near you.

Let me tell you how my Christmas is panning out.
I have a long standing friend who had nowhere to go. I invited her to come here for Christmas Day and to stay overnight with her 3 dogs. Fine, am happy about that.
We have another friend who lost his wife this year so have invited him and his dog on Boxing Day. I haven’t heard back from him yet because I asked him in the card that I only posted yesterday.
This morning friend one says lovely, she will stay till Wednesday🤦🏼‍♀️. I don’t think friend 2 will get on with friend 1 and her 3 boisterous dogs. Now I have a dilemma. I think I will go to Australia next year!
Having said that…. To all you lonely people please let people know that you would welcome an invitation. Sometimes we don’t think.

Well said judy54.x

Thank you Lucy for acknowledgement.

Oh Lucy l here you gosh l have often wondered what is it really like working in supermarket? Music crikey yes l imagine you are.

Here, here l think l would have to wear ear plugs in my ears!

I bet you are Lucy. If I hear Wish it could be Christmas every day one more time I think I might squeem and squeem until I am sick. 🤢

I am sorry the ladies are lonely this year, I don't look forward to it because working in a supermarket, I have to listen to the same Xmas records all day.After working through the days leading up to christmas, I am glad of peace and quiet

Dear Crazy,H

I am a fan of Christmas, I like this season but hard to deal with it when there is no one to share it with. I am sorry that you are not since your divorce. Why not alternate Christmas/ NYE holidays between you and your ex-husband? This way clear boundaries cannot be blurred and everyone can enjoy the holidays that much better taking the angst out of where everyone should be, drop off pick up etc. I understand as this is exactly what I did with my ex-husband. But as we all know what works for one does not necessarily work for another.

Join groups not at Christmas, I want to share have people around my Christmas table, I have thought of volunteering but not ready at all. Thank-you for your Christmas wishes love which is extremely kind of you and extremely appreciated!