How to tell them you didn’t like a present!

My kids always know ….’cos I tell ‘em . I get what I want ….they don’t make mistakes. Everybody happy. And my list is always books! I give a list , and they choose between them who is buying which .
As my birthday and Xmas are within two weeks of each other …it’s all very neat .

For many years I've had a "nothing that gathers dust" rule for presents I would like.
They all know, because I've told them so often it's become a standing joke, that I like nice handcream, cheap wine, and gin.
That covers everyone's budget and, between Christmas and my birthday, means I rarely have to buy any of these items for the rest of the year 👍

It is not 'ungrateful' not to want a. gift that is unsuitable. It's a heartbreaking waste of time and money, but I wouldn't say anything. Address the matter next time around by suggesting a list or some other arrangement for you all as suggested by other posters

Every November we do a list on our family WhatsApp Works so much better and everyone gets what they want and like. Just make the suggestion you do this at this coming Christmas x

Send them a wish list with a range of products. Make sure there’s a range of prices. Or a book list of books you want to read. We do this. You don’t have to get all the items but is a little guide. 👍

You don't tell them and just regift and the money you save doing that you buy yourself something you would like.

Good advice 62Granny 🙂🩷

When I buy or receive presents, it never bothers me or my family that have chosen them if they’ve got it wrong! Then they can be exchanged or returned, which is far better than being stuck with something you don’t want or like. We usually are quite precise in what we would like, so surprises are few, which saves a lot of bother.

I’m fortunate I get perfume and toiletries which I love and saves me spending on them. I wouldn’t say anything it’s the thought that counts.

We (me, my mother and my two adult children and SIL) all have Amazon wishlists - that we use for Xmas and birthdays - yes maybe it's less spontaneous but it does mean we can all buy each other things we actually want!!

It's awkward isn't it. I have a large box filled with candles and body scrubs and creams. I never use any of those things.
I asked my son for a jigsaw and showed him the artist I like but he bought me a boring scene instead.
Not being ungrateful but the other son has bought me many large ugly souvenirs from abroad. I put them down in the spare room.
I used to wonder why my mother never used any of my presents and often gave them back later but now I know. At my age I don't need any more stuff.

Oh difficult one since my sons have got married my gifts are definitely what ‘ the wife ‘ likes …. I received a seeding calendar ( I don’t garden seriously just few bedding plants ) and a set of glasses I’ve cupboards full of them … they give lists I’m definitely getting on board next year . My gifts are in a bag waiting to go to charity shop I’m more sad that it’s what they think of me . I’m ignoring this years but definitely list next year … it’s my birthday soon and I’ve already said no flowers ….

We got together some time ago and agreed on the 'list' method for Xmas with the proviso that nothing on the list could be over a certain amount of money and likewise, the total amount mustn't be over X amount either.
It's worked really well.
I brought up my brother (he was very young when my parents died) and there's a big age difference so it's a strange brother/ son relationship and for birthdays, both my son and brother.....we have 'our day of fun'.
The gift is tickets for an event, cinema, theatre or a meal, day trip etc.
Time is spent together and we've created lovely memories.

So cambsnan why not GIVE them a present that includes you
ie ..Tea for two at a favourite restaurant ( you and her or you and him)
An afternoon out for two
A sauna for two
A massage for two
I could go on but you get the idea and then they might get the idea too and the following birthday you may get an ’experience’ present

Surely, it is easy enough to ask them not to buy you any more woollen clothes as these make you itch these days?

You could also stretch the truth a little and tell them that the toiletries they have given you are causing trouble too, and therefore you would be grateful if they stuck to things actually on youe wishing-list in future

I have said I've not tried it "yet" 😬 Cabbie21 - it doesn't have a cover or I could maybe charge it on the landing plug - but it feels wrong to charge it on the floor next to the WC.

His wife popped over early today and must have spotted it. He messaged me just now "you don't have to keep it".

It feels a bit awkward really. Maybe I should suck it up and try to like it...

Not spaghetti, it doesn’t need to live in its charger and only needs occasional charging so it can be taken anywhere convenient. But as you say you have a good toothbrush already then I see your point. Sorry. No help really. Have you told him or kept quiet?

I would point out to them the things that you like. The knitwear I would wear but over the top of a t shirt or shirt. Layers are always good to keep warm. My eldest son bought me some perfume at christmas which I said I liked when I was out shopping with his wife. She had kindly gone back and bought it for me for christmas. Don’t regift it to them as I think that is just plain rude.

I know I'm not easy to please - but it's also hard when someone spends a lot on something you really do not want.

I have a list of things (regularly updated) on Giftster yet this year one son bought (in addition to the item he picked off my "i would like someday" list, a ridiculously expensive electric toothbrush.

I have no charging facility in the bathroom and can't access the plugs in the bedroom as there are only two - behind a heavy wardrobe and behind a too-heavy bed. I could charge it via an extension cable in my studio/workroom or in the study or plug it in directly in the "attic rooms" or in the kitchen, sitting room or dining room (but this all feels a bit odd to be honest).
It is unbelievably inconvenient.

My dentist has often commented on how clean my teeth are with the pulsar oral b manual brush I use.

This is an annoying and unnecessary gift.
Yes. I feel ungrateful.
It is such a waste.

Because of my gift list, this usually doesn't happen.
I'm not always prescriptive on my list - "a big brightly coloured costume jewellery brooch" "All butter shortbread" "dressmaking scissors" "new set of coasters for the sitting room" for example. Or if specific "Molecule no1 fragrance".

It normally works.
What has made him buy this toothbrush?

OK. I've written it now.
I think I feel better!

My MIL is 88.

This year she actually suggested me getting theatre vouchers for her and my SIL.

They were both happy with this gift.

On other occasions we have taken my MIL out for a meal. At 88 there is nothing material that she needs.

With my children, we usually ask if there is anything they want/need and get that plus a couple of small things e.g. socks, wine. There is always a book that I have had my eye on so I usually ask for that.

I have often got a book I would like and sometime in November I mention it to my son, relief all round he has got mum sorted out. The daughters buy really good presents I am lucky.

If someone buys me a present I don’t like I just keep quiet and feel grateful they bought me something. I have a jacket one of my daughters bought for me and it is just not something I would wear but I wouldn’t say anything for the world. Mostly I buy plants and things like bed sheets or towels ( find out what colour first) for people.

These days I stick to buying consumables/flowers/plants or days out etc. I've come to accept that choosing clothing, household items, ornaments etc for other people is really a waste of money, it's just inflicting your choices on someone else and then expecting them to like it, keep it, display it etc. I know so many people who end up keeping things they don't like/don't use because it was a present. They have houses full of stuff they would never choose for themselves. A promise of a lunch/day trip/ visit somewhere will often add a bit of sparkle later in the year when Christmas has been forgotten. There'll always be grumpy, hard to please types though, who'll find fault with everything so the best you can do with them is smile through gritted teeth and leave them to their grousing.

Sorry your Mum isn’t more grateful Doodledog, but there is obviously no pleasing her, is there?

There's not, and we're used to it now. We do still try really hard, but I'm reaching the point where I don't know why I bother. I don't want gratitude so much as a recognition that we have bought whatever it was with the best of intentions and not to have it pointed out to be wrong.

None of this is directed at anyone on this thread - I'm just musing, but sometimes I think that there should be a reset where presents are concerned. They seem to cause more problems than ever before. I know that many people have very little these days, but the chances are that where that is the case their friends and family have little either. For those who do have enough resources, present giving and receiving can be something of a chore. So many posts on here suggest that older people often see the giving of presents as having strings - 'we have been very generous to them, but they don't do x, y, z' or as requiring effusive thanks, and they are upset when this isn't forthcoming. Cards are equated with caring, and anyone who doesn't send them is 'not bothering', rather than choosing to opt out of a fairly recent tradition that makes huge profits for the manufacturers and deliverers. Christmas sees a lot of people looking for ways to spend money on people who have enough of it and who don't want the specially produced 'gifts' that again profit the makers (often in China and other areas that don't even celebrate Christmas).

I wonder if older people remember being children when we didn't get a lot through the year, and how lovely it was to get a doll or a game that we'd wanted for months, and yes - how grateful we were to the person who gave it to us. Maybe we now hope for that sort of feeling coming back to us now that we are the ones who have everything we need and want to show our love for our own children/grandchildren in the way others did for us. Times have changed though. These days many people have too much 'stuff' and getting more of it can be a nuisance rather than a pleasure, so there is a mismatch between what generations hope for and get by way of response.

It's a lovely feeling when we choose the perfect gift for someone and get a good reaction, but sometimes people expect to be able to get love and gratitude when all they've done is order something from a list or bought an item that was produced as a 'gift'.

Still musing, but I also wonder whether people like my mum are hoping that getting a present will recreate that feeling from their own childhood (my mum was a child in the war, when there was a shortage of toys and money to buy them), but are doomed to failure as times have changed. In many ways that is cause for celebration, as nobody wants to go back to times of deprivation, but perhaps we just expect too much from the act of gift giving?

I could never bring myself to tell DS1 that I disliked the perfume (Youthdew) he gave me one birthday. Years later when the 'What would you like for Christmas?' question came up I was able to tell all of them - not just him - that when it came to perfume, I preferred to choose my own.