Feeling guilty as friend will be alone at Christmas

It's not a good idea to invite a non family member on Christmas Day. It's often a time when people are very sad, thinking of someone they have lost, and it would be terrible if your friend felt the need to be jolly on the day.
My brother once did this, he invited a friend who literally took over the day. He wanted to play his own music, he wanted us all to play charades ( which I loathe) and the whole day was a disaster.

Boxing Day might be a good idea, giving her something to look forward to.

Thank you for the suggestion. I can’t invite her along, we do a lot off active stuff, long walk after lunch and stupid games, that she could not cope with, but a special day post Christmas and face time on the day will work.

merlotgran

^Best not to be a spare part at Christmas.^

Very true.

Yes, she might feel far worse, being recently widowed and estranged from her family, being with another happy family.

Do not give up your Christmas Day with your grandchildren.
Arrange a special day with your friend, perhaps Boxing Day, where you can look after her properly and, if she wants to have a good cry as well, she can.

No you should not cancel your Xmas with the grandchildren!

Arrange a nice day for both together on Boxing Day or one day between BD and New Year which gives her something to look forward to. Buy her a nice little treat present to open on Xmas Day.

And remember that maybe her best present from you could be allowing her to talk about her husband; talk about her memories; talk about her pain; sit quietly with you kn companionable empathetic silence; allow her to grieve in any way she needs and be there for her.

Best not to be a spare part at Christmas.

Very true.

No way would I give up Christmas with my family for a friend. I wouldn't be cheeky enough to bring her along either. As suggested, do something with her another day.

This is an occasion when family comes first, particularly grandchildren.
See her on Boxing Day.
My children only spent one Christmas Day with their father, as his current wife made it very clear she didn't regard them as family.
A very kind friend invited me on that Christmas Day so I visited in the afternoon, not wishing to intrude too much; her adult children and husband made it very obvious I wasn't welcome.
Best not to be a spare part at Christmas.

Guilt is a self indulgent and pointless emotion. Usually used to save someone from having to do anything about a problem.

if you cannot do anything on Christmas day, be there on Christmas Eve or Boxing day, or find out about any communal events that are on and help her get herself there - organise transport etc. - and if you cannot do anything, just accept it and do not waste time and effort torturing yourself with guilt.

OP states it's not an option to invite her to her family celebration, so would have to forego this to be with her friend. Family may not appreciate this especially as having done it once she may be expected to do it every year.

I would suggest sharing an alternative ‘Christmas day with her. A small gift and sharing some delicious food.
I don’t think it would be fair to ask family to invite her unless they already know her very well. I think everyone has different family traditions and in her place I would feel uncomfortable.

I wouldn't invite her unless she knows your family really well.. I would make a special meal for her on the sunday before christmas and celebrate your long friendship.. just the two of you..

If she is a close friend I would ask my family if I could bring her along. Otherwise there are some good suggestions above. You are kind to be concerned for her.

I might want to be alone too in that situation TopGunner.

When I was in her shoes a few years ago the last thing I wanted was to be in the company of people having a good time. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts.

Talk to her and suggest having Boxing Day together - you might even know some others who could be alone and invite those too. Make it a special day by everyone contributing a plate of something and have a buffet. Some games might even make the day even more fun.
Where do you live.........I'm coming

Are there any meet ups in Surrey?

I have been alone fir at least ten years now at Christmas time and l would never want an invite unless it is genuine. X

But nice to have a choice Cabbie

She may feel pleased to be invited but might well decline the invitation, however well meaning.

Aww no please do not feel guilty. Has your friend had Christmas on her own before? There can be many benefits to having the festive season alone.

I am estranged from my birth family and immediate family where my ex husband psychologically emotionally financially economically abused me severely for over w24 years historical and present also used parental alienation as tools to abuse me further. And l am a grandparent with 5 grandchildren they are not in my life and will not be l had so many Christians on my own and have always been positive and done everything possible but thus year l so lonely and alone l could die.

Court case over after four years battling ex husband won. My eldest son was a bit in my life but has taken his father side in August we were always so close.

Mj.

You shouldn’t feel guilty or give up your plans. Unless she’s told you different your friend might want to be alone on Christmas Day.

Usedtobeblonde my mother did this too. And on holiday sometimes. It annoyed me as a child but as an adult I loved her for it.

This is who she was - she would look out for everyone.

What you feel as a child is of course important but lessons in caring are extra valuable to a child I think.
I hope a little of her kindness has rubbed off on me.

I would try to find a way to take her. I would expect my family to say yes, she should come.

A friend and neighbour of mine used an older lady living alone to pick her children up from school and keep them for an hour until she got home from work
She invited her to spend Christmas Day with them for a couple of years.
It wasn’t as relaxed and comfortable as she had hoped.
Many years afterwards the children told her that they wished she hadn’t done it.
I don’t think they felt they could be themselves.
I should add my neighbour is a very charitable person and very very sociable and friendly but some occasions especially once a year times are special to family with traditions understand only by family.