Feeling guilty as friend will be alone at Christmas

Would she honestly want you to do that? It’s just one day, after all - why not visit on Boxing Day instead?

Could you have her over on Boxing Day and do a Christmas dinner for you both?

Could you arrange to do Christmas Day on Boxing Day with her? A Zoom or FaceTime with a cuppa or something stronger in the evening of Christmas Day?

Your C and GC come before a friend in the disappointment picture.
I wonder why she is estranged from most of her family.
See her another day and make is as special as you feel appropriate.

How would your family react if you asked if she could join you? If it was me, I'd say, bring her along.

I don't see it's your place to feel guilty frankly. Make up a box of goodies for her to open on the day and arrange to see her soon after. Have a lovely guilt free Christmas.

Isn't what true friends do- care, never mind feeling guilty. I wouldn't want a great friend to be alone.

A friend and neighbour of mine used an older lady living alone to pick her children up from school and keep them for an hour until she got home from work
She invited her to spend Christmas Day with them for a couple of years.
It wasn’t as relaxed and comfortable as she had hoped.
Many years afterwards the children told her that they wished she hadn’t done it.
I don’t think they felt they could be themselves.
I should add my neighbour is a very charitable person and very very sociable and friendly but some occasions especially once a year times are special to family with traditions understand only by family.

I would try to find a way to take her. I would expect my family to say yes, she should come.

Usedtobeblonde my mother did this too. And on holiday sometimes. It annoyed me as a child but as an adult I loved her for it.

This is who she was - she would look out for everyone.

What you feel as a child is of course important but lessons in caring are extra valuable to a child I think.
I hope a little of her kindness has rubbed off on me.

You shouldn’t feel guilty or give up your plans. Unless she’s told you different your friend might want to be alone on Christmas Day.

Aww no please do not feel guilty. Has your friend had Christmas on her own before? There can be many benefits to having the festive season alone.

I am estranged from my birth family and immediate family where my ex husband psychologically emotionally financially economically abused me severely for over w24 years historical and present also used parental alienation as tools to abuse me further. And l am a grandparent with 5 grandchildren they are not in my life and will not be l had so many Christians on my own and have always been positive and done everything possible but thus year l so lonely and alone l could die.

Court case over after four years battling ex husband won. My eldest son was a bit in my life but has taken his father side in August we were always so close.

Mj.

She may feel pleased to be invited but might well decline the invitation, however well meaning.

But nice to have a choice Cabbie

I have been alone fir at least ten years now at Christmas time and l would never want an invite unless it is genuine. X

Are there any meet ups in Surrey?

Talk to her and suggest having Boxing Day together - you might even know some others who could be alone and invite those too. Make it a special day by everyone contributing a plate of something and have a buffet. Some games might even make the day even more fun.
Where do you live.........I'm coming

When I was in her shoes a few years ago the last thing I wanted was to be in the company of people having a good time. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts.

I might want to be alone too in that situation TopGunner.

If she is a close friend I would ask my family if I could bring her along. Otherwise there are some good suggestions above. You are kind to be concerned for her.

I wouldn't invite her unless she knows your family really well.. I would make a special meal for her on the sunday before christmas and celebrate your long friendship.. just the two of you..

I would suggest sharing an alternative ‘Christmas day with her. A small gift and sharing some delicious food.
I don’t think it would be fair to ask family to invite her unless they already know her very well. I think everyone has different family traditions and in her place I would feel uncomfortable.

OP states it's not an option to invite her to her family celebration, so would have to forego this to be with her friend. Family may not appreciate this especially as having done it once she may be expected to do it every year.

Guilt is a self indulgent and pointless emotion. Usually used to save someone from having to do anything about a problem.

if you cannot do anything on Christmas day, be there on Christmas Eve or Boxing day, or find out about any communal events that are on and help her get herself there - organise transport etc. - and if you cannot do anything, just accept it and do not waste time and effort torturing yourself with guilt.