Feeling guilty as friend will be alone at Christmas

GrauntyHelen that's your choice. I'm pleased you are happy with it but the worst that could happen is that someone might just invite you out of friendship. ...then you can just say "no, thank you I'm happy on my own".

No harm done, surely.
Why assume it's a pity invite?

I have spent many Christmas days alone it's preferable to accepting pity invites and being the spectre at someone else's feast or having to slap on a fake smile and be jolly

I thought I would invite her out of friendship.

We do things for people we love even if it puts us out a bit.

NotSpaghetti

I would try to find a way to take her. I would expect my family to say yes, she should come.

She might not like to be seen as the ‘poor old thing’ who needs to be invited out of pity.

Well, you could ask maybe - but for all anybody knows her late husband may have been a tyrant to live with and she might relish Xmas on her own!

People put on their "Public Relations" persona when need be, but the nice net curtains can hide a totally different world......

I'd be with my family on Christmas day, and invite my friend for dinner on boxing day, as she's recently widowed she might not feel like being with a lot of people on Christmas day.

I've only spent Christmas day alone once and that was in the pandemic when my trip to my DD in Scotland had to be cancelled as we were only allowed one day together. DS and his family were living abroad, so we had a zoom lunch together. Unfortunately my technology failed and by the time I'd got it working my dinner had gone cold!

I knew someone locally who I thought would be alone and asked her what she was doing as I thought I could cook her a meal and take it round as I knew she had limited cooking facilities. Turned out she had been invited somewhere - not sure if it was allowed under covid rules - but she turned up on Christmas eve with a 'reduced ready meal roast dinner' thinking I didn't have any Christmas food! She had completely got the wrong end of the stick. She couldn't use the food herself as she only has a hob to cook on - no oven or microwave - but I couldn't use it ether as I'd bought Christmas food for myself. All very embarassing!

Actually being alone wasn't as bad as I'd expected, though I did have a good cry when I found out the trip to Scotland was off. DS had sent a hamper to DD's address for us to share for Christmas so DD had to consume it all alone! I seem to remember she kept me a few treats which would still be in date when we were eventually able to get together.

I'm sure your friend will appreciate a call or zoom session and the rest of the day she can do whatever she likes.

Couild you make time to give her a ring on christmas day so that she has someone to speak to. Actually speaking to someone is much more personal than emails or whatever else and perhaps organise before this to have a trip out or lunch together at another time.

I've invited people , who have been on their own for years .
I agree that it's not easy.
I used to invite an elderly maiden aunt every year .
She didn't want to join in our games and would sit quietly overeating !
The one year ,
that she wasn't invited -she complained about us to the entire family .
I felt really guilty over it .
I notice that they didn't want her either
It is an awkward situation .
You've chosen to resolve it by having a special day on Boxing Day .
A good compromise .

Speaking personally I wanted to spend the day alone after my DH passed away maybe your friend might feel the same way?

Cambsnan

Thank you for the suggestion. I can’t invite her along, we do a lot off active stuff, long walk after lunch and stupid games, that she could not cope with, but a special day post Christmas and face time on the day will work.

I’m pleased you’ve resolved your concern Cambsnan I hope she appreciates your efforts.

I would take her .
Then she won't feel left out and you won't feel guilty .

No.

Enjoy Christmas Day with your family and have a special time with your friend another day. I would hate to be an "extra" because people felt sorry for me and your friend may feel the same. My friend is spending Christmas on her own and I know this is what she wants. There are a lot of people alone at Christmas.

Charity begins at home. Think of your family.

Are you sure your widowed friend is upset at the prospect of being alone on Christmas Day?

Last year, I accepted a friend's invitation for Christmas Eve, which is the big day here in Denmark, having lost my husband on 1. November.

It was a pleasant enough evening, but honestly did not feel like Christmas, and I honestly regretted that I hadn't said no thanks kindly to the invitation, gone to church for the four p.m. service, then come home and made my dinner.

If your friend has said that she dreads the prospect of being alone, tell her why you are not able to invite her and ask her which day between Christmas and New Year she would like to visit you.

Bugbabe2019

Please don’t do this OP - it puts people in an awkward position
As others have said - arrange something nice with her for Boxing Day she will have something to look forward to then

This was in relation to asking if she could come along with you

I think that asking your family if they can squeeze in another one OR planning a Boxing Day dinner for both of you are both great suggestions.
It's to your credit that you've thought of her.
You're a good friend.

Please don’t do this OP - it puts people in an awkward position
As others have said - arrange something nice with her for Boxing Day she will have something to look forward to then

find out if anything is going on locally for single people,we have a few places here that offer xmas day dinner for elderly/widowed, then ask her how she feels about xmas this year, she may just want a quiet reflective one! if she is worried about being alone then you can say (just be honest) sorry I cannot be with you xmas day but I have found out about x,y,z place locally where you can be with people

Absolutely not. And don’t feel guilty. It’s just another day. Having been a carer most my working life. My daughter had to “share me” it’s only now as a 30 something mum she tells me how she hated me not being home with her. She always had to share me with someone

Usedtobeblonde

Your C and GC come before a friend in the disappointment picture.
I wonder why she is estranged from most of her family.
See her another day and make is as special as you feel appropriate.

Please don't judge someone for their estrangement circumstances. Lots don't deserve it.

I don't understand the need to celebrate on just one particular day, surely you could do something the next day instead.
And thinking about my choice of the word "celebrate", probably an recently bereaved lady would find a day of cheerfulness and happiness in amongst someone else's family very difficult to cope

I had this situation for several years after divorce. The children went off to their father and, being an only child etc I had nowhere to go. I hit on the idea of helping at the Salvation Army hostel in Cardiff.
My word did that cure the problem!
I was kept busy all day helping, including talking and hearing about other people's problems. I left feeling incredibly fulfilled and so very lucky.....
I suggest that she might look into something on those lines.

Cambsnan. Good you have resolved the problem and you can enjoy a family Christmas and a post event with your friend!