Christmas Presents You Don't Want

Gratitude is always welcome 😍

I insisted I didn’t want any “ stuff” this year, so the plants and prosecco are most acceptable, but what to do with the hamper? “ we couldn’t not give you a gift to open” said my DIL, so now I am stuck with biscuits I won’t eat, chocolates I shouldn’t eat as I am pre-diabetic, and a bottle of a liqueur I don’t like. It was the same when my husband was alive and he was diabetic.

MrOops always asks for a donation to a Charity, this year it’s for the Ukraine. Children are never upset, they are actually relieved as he doesn’t want or need anything else. Although I did notice a large box of Maltesers appeared from under the tree!

For the GCs we set them a £5 limit - preferably a Charity shop item, this year I received 2 jigsaws so I am happy, for MrOops it was a charity donation from them as well.

Oh - yes, scented candles. I have put them all on a big decorative tray and light them all together , they look nice. I really, really don’t want any more of them.

A brussels sprout bath fizzer anyone?

When our children were young, my sister and I used to send a card but no present . We would decide on the limit of cash to spend. Then we would buy a present for our own child and put it with the card . We lived a long way apart, and she had a daughter I had a son, so different toys or games would be in fashion in different areas. This way, we would know just what our child would love, which books they already had from a series etc. They would be delighted to get something they really wanted, and thought that their aunties were clever to always get them something good!!

I love going to the charity shops after christmas. I dont like candles or bath bombs but hope to find new jigsaws or books folk dont want.

Simply re-gift them........problem sorted

Pascal I have suggested things but they don't seem them appropriate somehow. It makes me feel ungrateful but I can't help that I'd rather they didn't. I have said I'd rather they took me out for a meal when they are here but I think they like a meal at home.

As have said on other threads, some of my ideas are
a) I meet up with old friends who now live a distance away, for lunch around this time. We bring unwanted gifts etc and swap them and so the gifts are then given to a charity or charity shop in quite another area, so no risk of upsetting the giver.
b) talk to candle giver about how another friend and you, give each other a "voucher" rather than a gift. By this I mean you give of yourself, e.g. 4 evenings babysitting, or to be the chauffeur where the friend will pay for the fuel but you can be the driver to go wherever she wants and take her door to door. This might be to visit a village that is no longer on a bus route, or to go to a town or a nat trust place that is not on public transport. There you could either stay with them or go away and return to pick them up at a time convenient to them. I have several friends who no longer drive and this has been very popular. Or offer an hours gardening for 4 weeks or if they hate sewing or knitting and that is your interest , offer to make stuff up or mend things that are languishing waiting to be dealt with. You get the idea.You can be very euntheastic about this and then if the opportunity arises you could suggest that you also do this. I find that these give a lot of pleasure, are very personal and cost only your time rather than cash.

I’m confused, I only exchange presents with my immediate family and a couple close friends, they all know me very well as I know and love them. So my taste, I don’t like sweet things including chocolates, or candles, I do like fresh flowers, are understood by them, so I don’t get gifts of things I don’t like.
Why are people getting unwanted gifts of things they don’t like from close people?

Primrose53

I’ve said this on here before but I volunteered for 15 years in a charity shop. Every year as soon as we reopened after Christmas we were inundated with unwanted gifts. Toiletries, nightwear, slippers, books, calendars and diaries, ornaments, socks, perfumed candles, preserves etc.

It always stuck in my mind but one year a lady came in with a bin liner full of WRAPPED gifts. She said she couldn’t be bothered to open them as people never gave her things she really liked.

Wow! Height of disrespect

theworriedwell

NotAGran55

Martin Lewis summed it up perfectly in his blog a few years ago. ‘Pre - Christmas, no unnecessary presents pact’
If only more people followed his advice there wouldn’t be threads like this.

To summarise.

I buy you a tie that you don’t like or want or need.
You buy me a pair of slippers that I don’t like or want or need.

I have therefore wasted £20 on a pair of slippers for myself that I now need to dispose of.

I don't do gifts outside the immediate family, well I do one for an old friend. My issue is I'd be really happy for my kids not to bother, I buy what I want or need and they buy stuff I don't really want or need. I don't want to stop giving to them and the GC so a pact won't work and if I suggest they don't bother about me they won't accept it.

I know come Christmas day I will be inundated with chocolates, flowers, smelly candles. I've been ill and have no appetite, even for chocolate, so I still have my birthday chocolates from a few months back, I don't like cut flowers, I don't like smelly candles. It is a dilemma.

This seems such a shame when they obviously love you. Could you ask them to club together to buy one gift that you choose yourself.. Maybe a day trip somewhere when you feel well enough...

NotAGran55

Martin Lewis summed it up perfectly in his blog a few years ago. ‘Pre - Christmas, no unnecessary presents pact’
If only more people followed his advice there wouldn’t be threads like this.

To summarise.

I buy you a tie that you don’t like or want or need.
You buy me a pair of slippers that I don’t like or want or need.

I have therefore wasted £20 on a pair of slippers for myself that I now need to dispose of.

I don't do gifts outside the immediate family, well I do one for an old friend. My issue is I'd be really happy for my kids not to bother, I buy what I want or need and they buy stuff I don't really want or need. I don't want to stop giving to them and the GC so a pact won't work and if I suggest they don't bother about me they won't accept it.

I know come Christmas day I will be inundated with chocolates, flowers, smelly candles. I've been ill and have no appetite, even for chocolate, so I still have my birthday chocolates from a few months back, I don't like cut flowers, I don't like smelly candles. It is a dilemma.

Doodledog

Primrose53

I’ve said this on here before but I volunteered for 15 years in a charity shop. Every year as soon as we reopened after Christmas we were inundated with unwanted gifts. Toiletries, nightwear, slippers, books, calendars and diaries, ornaments, socks, perfumed candles, preserves etc.

It always stuck in my mind but one year a lady came in with a bin liner full of WRAPPED gifts. She said she couldn’t be bothered to open them as people never gave her things she really liked.

And yet on the other hand, people say that it is wrong to demand ask for specific presents, and we should all be 'grateful' for whatever we get.

You said it more succinctly than I did but yes this is the problem isn't it.

It's a bit of a trap isn't it. You will see lots of threads about being grateful for gifts even if you don't like them and I am always very thankful, tell people it is lovely etc. There comes a point where you feel like OP and the thought of another smelly candle is just too much but how do you say I know I've been telling you for 20 years that I love the smelly candles but actually I can't stand them so please stop. I know that's a bit of an exaggeration but I think you know what I mean.

For me it is the flowers, I really don't like cut flowers, having a big bunch delivered is expensive and I hate that someone has spent that money and then I just feel sad as they wilt and die and then I clear them up. How do I tell them without upsetting them? It is hard and I sympathise with OP.

Sorry OP i am definitely with you but no idea how to deal with it.

I hate to see money wasted. Like others, I would prefer to go out for a meal, but that is not possible because of the distance.

Primrose53

I’ve said this on here before but I volunteered for 15 years in a charity shop. Every year as soon as we reopened after Christmas we were inundated with unwanted gifts. Toiletries, nightwear, slippers, books, calendars and diaries, ornaments, socks, perfumed candles, preserves etc.

It always stuck in my mind but one year a lady came in with a bin liner full of WRAPPED gifts. She said she couldn’t be bothered to open them as people never gave her things she really liked.

And yet on the other hand, people say that it is wrong to demand ask for specific presents, and we should all be 'grateful' for whatever we get.

Until recently, my sister-in-law kept giving me items for my kitchen. It is well stocked, and four different sets of placemats are not required because I no longer have or need a large dining room table.

This year, she gave me three tablets of scented soap, which I love. A nephew used to give me items to take a bath, but I have a shower!

I open items when they arrive, Christmas Day is another day to me.

Primrose53

I’ve said this on here before but I volunteered for 15 years in a charity shop. Every year as soon as we reopened after Christmas we were inundated with unwanted gifts. Toiletries, nightwear, slippers, books, calendars and diaries, ornaments, socks, perfumed candles, preserves etc.

It always stuck in my mind but one year a lady came in with a bin liner full of WRAPPED gifts. She said she couldn’t be bothered to open them as people never gave her things she really liked.

Same here. Last week we decided that after Exmas we are going to sell any exmas stuff for £1.
We have a mountain of exmas donations still in the stock room and we know there will be much more after.
I delivered 3 trees last week to customers who didn’t have transport. Anything to get rid of.
I’ve mentioned before that I take donations to a women’s refuge and a centre for asylum seekers but they are overwhelmed with donations and can’t take anymore.

All the above ( and more) is the reason I dropped out of the whole exmas thing.
In the nineties I told everyone what I was doing. The first Christmas Day was volunteering with Crisis at Christmas. Two other friends decided to do the same.
From then until the grandchildren came along ( early 2000’s that’s what we did.

I’ve said this on here before but I volunteered for 15 years in a charity shop. Every year as soon as we reopened after Christmas we were inundated with unwanted gifts. Toiletries, nightwear, slippers, books, calendars and diaries, ornaments, socks, perfumed candles, preserves etc.

It always stuck in my mind but one year a lady came in with a bin liner full of WRAPPED gifts. She said she couldn’t be bothered to open them as people never gave her things she really liked.

Martin Lewis summed it up perfectly in his blog a few years ago. ‘Pre - Christmas, no unnecessary presents pact’
If only more people followed his advice there wouldn’t be threads like this.

To summarise.

I buy you a tie that you don’t like or want or need.
You buy me a pair of slippers that I don’t like or want or need.

I have therefore wasted £20 on a pair of slippers for myself that I now need to dispose of.

Better to graciously accept a present and pass it on rather than risk hurting someone's feelings.

Sounds it’s time to be the first to suggest (tactfully) another year to cut out the mutual present giving.

Not just the OP, but anyone who doesn’t want candles, curries, soft centred chocs….

Honestly, what is the point?

The whole pointless palaver of buying, wrapping, handing over….then the debate of what to do with the blessed things.

Regift, sit in drawer, charity shop, raffle….?

🤷‍♀️ Just why?