Should I say don’t come ?

You have been very accepting other Christmases about your son going to his partner's family. This year he says he is coming to you. It's a bit disappointing that his partner isn't coming as well but I accept his offer to come to you this year and make it as memorable as possible. Maybe go out for lunch somewhere. I know this is expensive but it would be fun to push the boat out as it isn't likely to happen very often. Or you could make things ready for yourself by buying in Christmas from M and S. Don't complain about the partner not coming, keep the time together light and fun. Hopefully the partner will still join you for New Year. If you tell him not to come he could think ... mum's not bothered about me coming when it does seem you would like to have his company. Hope you find a happy solution Christmas van be a very emotive time 💐

Ceejayjay - being divorced and on our own, makes things hard around Christmas, Birthdays Ex. I dread these special occasions I’ve had to put up with it for the past 25 years. All of us live in the same town - nice in one way but ……

I would tell him to go with his gf.
We all want our children however old they are to enjoy life.

I would take enjoyment in knowing my son is happy.

You’ll see him another time. Make Christmas good for you.

It's one day,that's all and so much angst goes on because of it.. Christmas I believe is for children,the excitement of Santa etc..as adults we should be able to rise above the who's going where malarkey,my mum god love her, used to do the being taken to one house or another,she always said she'd rather have stayed at home but felt obliged..I've done all the big family dinners,stressing myself out over it all,if your son wants to come over for dinner without his gf accept it,but don't put pressure on yourself

Oh my word

PS OP - it’s not a competition to give your son the best Christmas. He will come because he loves you, not (no offence!) for your coking, lavish entertainment or anything else.

StripeyGran

Maybe it came over as unkind but I can't for the life of me see why women get themselves all worked up about this. It's the end of summer, not December. It's more of less dark on the 25th all day and the stress in families can be problematic.

Sincerely hope OP finds a way through this and can spend some nice time with family.

The emotional baggage that comes with Christmas is jaw-dropping especially as for the vast majority it is no longer a Christian festival.
In our family it’s always been a variant of Christmas- family, New Year-friends . The AC try to alternate years with their in-laws and with me (just me since DH died)
There’s always Boxing Day, Christmas Eve, the weekends before or after Christmas for those of us who cannot split ourselves down the middle. There’s such a thing as compromise too.
One of our best Christmases was held on Jan 6 as DH was in hospital over Christmas so we postponed our family get together until he was home. That was the year I sent NO cards, did NO decs and we had venison instead of turkey, it was brilliant- also no stress.

petra

ceejayjay
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brilliant

Maybe it came over as unkind but I can't for the life of me see why women get themselves all worked up about this. It's the end of summer, not December. It's more of less dark on the 25th all day and the stress in families can be problematic.

Sincerely hope OP finds a way through this and can spend some nice time with family.

ceejay I was so sorry to see that you had been upset by one of the replies. I also thought it was not very helpful.

You sound like a very nice person who is not at all demanding of your family's time and attention - which is not always the case with some older people.

I understand that you are worried your son will be missing out on a much more lavish Christmas Day with his girlfriend. But it is only one day and one year - you have been kind enough not to pressurise him regarding past Christmases - and it may well be that he wants to spend the day with you. As Jaxjacky says, perhaps you can buy in some little luxury foods, rather than trying to do it all yourself.

I would welcome your son ceejayjay, he’s said he’d like to come, no doubt he’ll spend Boxing Day elsewhere.
If you’re not a confident cook perhaps splash out on some M&S ready meals with sides, less wastage as you’re vegan and a few treats.

ceejayjay
If you’re still reading I hope this short video will make you smile.
www.facebook.com/reel/1744082616990117

It’s ok I appreciate the replies it’s just I thought the mental health replies were taking away from the question I was looking to chat through. I’ve emailed admin Thankyou so much

So sorry OP you didn't get any help or support xxxxx

For what its worth I'd follow Cossy's advice.

Scroll down to the bottom and click on contact us.

You can just report it yourself

ceejayjay

Moderator

Please could you close this chat down

Thankyou

You have to contact HQ. The moderators don’t look at every post.

I have obviously upset you, when I was only trying to help!
I shall not make that mistake again!

Moderator

Please could you close this chat down

Thankyou

Hi

Just to mention I’m not seeking help with my mental health here. I’ve got support in place for that thabkyou.

I just wanted advice on Christmas but Thankyou for all the replies. How do I close this chat down please ?

Ceejayjay
Please don’t be upset. I’m sure stripygran had your best interest at heart and was being sympathetic and supportive. That’s how it came over to me, anyway.
I am truly not intending to patronise, but when mental health issues grab us, it’s sometimes difficult not to take offence at some things when, in reality, they are not meant maliciously at all.
Knowing how the great majority of people on here empathise, I would imagine there are loads of us supporting you in our minds, and maybe prayers. Please stay strong. You have more friends and supporters on here than you might think! 💐

I think, firstly, you need to seek some help with your mental health.

Secondly, just tell your son to do what he truly wants to do and try and arrange a weekend, with them both, in January.

Thirdly, if he does choose to spend Christmas with his gf, make your Christmas Day just for you, pamper yourself, find some good books or boxes on tv, get yourself some lively, easy, Christmas food and enjoy putting your feet up x Good luck

Apologies for any hurt. I'm sorry but I don't get it at all, the obsession with Christmas. If you are a Christian that's different.

Anyhow, hope you find a solution. I have had to sort of " train myself" to not look far ahead. Works sometimes.

Sorry that was for stripey gran who said

I would suggest that you stop worrying about 24 hours in December and try to have an OK time now