Should I say don’t come ?

Sorry, struggling to follow this. Has the anxiety been recent after you finished work?

I would suggest that you stop worrying about 24 hours in December and try to have an OK time now.

Hi I work full time from home. I was looking for advice on whether I should tell my Son to his gf family for Christmas rather than spend it apart from her

Cont’d
I encouraged them to do whatever they wanted on their first Christmas as a couple and they chose to have the day at their flat together, but were happy to come to us on Boxing Day, which we treated as Christmas Day, with presents, Christmas dinner etc. It worked well because everyone was happy to be doing their own thing.
As nearly all our family were shift workers, getting us all together on the same day was a nightmare. One year, we moved Christmas Day to 7th January because that was the day that most of us were free! It didn’t make any difference to the enjoyment. In fact, my husband and I enjoyed our first ever Christmas Day with just the two of us in 23 years because of that!
Flexibility and not being selfish is the key. As you get older, (I’m 80), it’s lovely to be invited to the family for Christmas Day, and I (on my own now) always buy the meat for the meal, turkey, gammon etc.
What I wouldn’t really like is Christmas dinner in a restaurant! That said, if that’s what the family wanted, I would go along with it quite happily. Once you get to my age, it’s not your choice any more. The younger ones are making their own traditions and that’s great. I wish my mother and mother-in-law had been the same with us and had let us make ours!

I get what you are saying and if I were you I would tell him to spend Christmas with his gf on the understanding that they come to you one weekend afterwards, doesn’t have to be a special occasion, and you don’t have to eat in, look at eating out somewhere in your budget.
So much hoohah over Christmas, so many families fall out. Am so glad you taking such a mature attitude towards this

Mmm, tricky one alright. How about some sort of compromise. Christmas with the gf, another lovely event/ time at a later date?
No need to stress about cooking a meal then.

Yes always wanted them to have the best time I’m not bothered about me. Thankyou

Sorry, for some reason, the first part of my message disappeared.
Basically, it said that when my late husband and I were young, we were expected to go to his our mothers for Christmas Day itself, and would sulk if we didn’t comply. We tried having both sets of parents at ours but my dad and my husband’s mum hated one another so that was a no-no.
When our older daughter got married, Cont’d……..

I’m sorry I find your last sentence quite hurtful. You don’t know how much I struggle with mental health

To see the beginning of this message (if you are still awake!), please go to 12.08.58.
Thanks, and apologies!

Sorry that was for stripey gran who said

I would suggest that you stop worrying about 24 hours in December and try to have an OK time now

Apologies for any hurt. I'm sorry but I don't get it at all, the obsession with Christmas. If you are a Christian that's different.

Anyhow, hope you find a solution. I have had to sort of " train myself" to not look far ahead. Works sometimes.

I think, firstly, you need to seek some help with your mental health.

Secondly, just tell your son to do what he truly wants to do and try and arrange a weekend, with them both, in January.

Thirdly, if he does choose to spend Christmas with his gf, make your Christmas Day just for you, pamper yourself, find some good books or boxes on tv, get yourself some lively, easy, Christmas food and enjoy putting your feet up x Good luck

Ceejayjay
Please don’t be upset. I’m sure stripygran had your best interest at heart and was being sympathetic and supportive. That’s how it came over to me, anyway.
I am truly not intending to patronise, but when mental health issues grab us, it’s sometimes difficult not to take offence at some things when, in reality, they are not meant maliciously at all.
Knowing how the great majority of people on here empathise, I would imagine there are loads of us supporting you in our minds, and maybe prayers. Please stay strong. You have more friends and supporters on here than you might think! 💐

Hi

Just to mention I’m not seeking help with my mental health here. I’ve got support in place for that thabkyou.

I just wanted advice on Christmas but Thankyou for all the replies. How do I close this chat down please ?

Moderator

Please could you close this chat down

Thankyou

I have obviously upset you, when I was only trying to help!
I shall not make that mistake again!

ceejayjay

Moderator

Please could you close this chat down

Thankyou

You have to contact HQ. The moderators don’t look at every post.

You can just report it yourself

Scroll down to the bottom and click on contact us.

For what its worth I'd follow Cossy's advice.

So sorry OP you didn't get any help or support xxxxx

It’s ok I appreciate the replies it’s just I thought the mental health replies were taking away from the question I was looking to chat through. I’ve emailed admin Thankyou so much

ceejayjay
If you’re still reading I hope this short video will make you smile.
www.facebook.com/reel/1744082616990117

I would welcome your son ceejayjay, he’s said he’d like to come, no doubt he’ll spend Boxing Day elsewhere.
If you’re not a confident cook perhaps splash out on some M&S ready meals with sides, less wastage as you’re vegan and a few treats.