If the younger generation have Mummy Porn.....

Don't we all?

Okay...so what happens next? We're all agog ...I shall return tomorrow for the next instalment. You, nellie knock spots off the late Barbara Cartland...your romantic interludes are so much juicier!

We're all waiting Nell
Who is next under your spell?
Will it be one of Lil's boys,
Who she always uses as "toys"?
Us fellas are all of a tremble,
Hearing of dark deeds in her Love Temple!

Onya continued to work the airport,but she never forgot her brief encounter with stephen Beige,indeed during intimate. Moments with other travellers she could be heard to shout in her heavily accented voice "stiffen" oh "stiffen",which unfortunately had the opposite effect on her clients,and Onya began to believe she had lost her ability to serve the nation...until the day sitting sadly in the departure lounge bar staring resolutely into the last dregs of her vodka she met with Leonard the lounge Lizard who asked why such a beautiful woman was sadly on her own and obviously so unhappy,and the sorry tale unfolded,now Onya who was never sure which way her gate swung was introduced in to a liaison with another woman named Glad The Impaler so called for the huge mechanical device she carried in her handbag,so Onya was drawn in to the life of a common tart and overseen by a minder named Percy the pimp who managed her earnings with never a thought for the blossoming life within her.........

This device had a b****y great wheel and a label that read "Designed and made in the Street of a Thousand A*******s by Hoo Flung Dung Ltd"

Is that the bl---y great wheel that went faster and faster?
We learnt that one at School during poetry lessons!

The device was a rampant jack hammer which fitted Onya's ample dimensions due to excessive use,she was once described as having the proportions of an open window with which one could annihilate the world...I believe the device was made by Bosch the masters of DIY......

...there is a cheaper version on the market...the local discount store is flogging surplus stock at rock bottom prices. Mind you, there's no guarantee that the tool works...a bit hit and miss, I'm told...

gramps sweetviolets?

I believe there is an inferior version manufactured by WAL.MART and retailed for £5.99 by Asda this is also hit and miss but has noise sensors similar to reversing sensors on a car so that when approaching proturbenses a high pitched sound is emitted

Aimed at giving the unsuspecting target fair warning of impending shenanigans!

Or to warn the operator that the device is heading in completely the wrong direction...?

Ana...LOL!!!

That is a very delicate way of putting what was said to Flip Flop Flo when her buxomness showed no entry point....she was asked to pass wind rather loudly to give them a clue.....

Better than all the roses! dear soop.

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Eew...!

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...he logged on to Ebay and looked for an understated blonde wig with long plaits tied with bright red ribbons...such a disguise would surely fool the girls at the nearby boarding school for right little minxes!

We sing from the same hymn sheet soop he also ordered a gym slip in bottle green and a PE kit with double woven interlock knickers and an aertex shirt,he furtively bought several large tubes of immac to deal with the hirsute areas of his body ..indeed he was so hairy that people often asked Onya wether she stroked him or took him for a walk..as he resembled a little werewolf at times....

Lovely Nellie

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He is on the waiting list at Moorfields and the corrective surgery is due before he starts the new term,he will be able to wear contact lenses to correct the lingering squint and counteract his acute astigmatism.
His only problem will be to keep waxing his back,sac and crack,and his monobrow....

And of course he'll need some super-strength Y-fronts...