My (now ex) husband emerged from the tent in his luminous pink, very tight, vest top with ‘J’Taime Lyons’ on it, over the rather loud shorts and the pink flip flops and declared himself ready for the long drive back to the UK with three small children in the back of the car.
As usual, none of us were allowed any input with the choice of music, so Barney the purple dinosaur was replaced with a very long, boring commentary of whatever sport was taking place at that time.
I was though, given the huge honour of being in charge of the map and, therefore, directions, initially making the rookie mistake of recommending that we avoid the Paris Orbital Motorway, which, just in time for end of the working day, meant we went straight there.
As we approached the exit, I gave him plenty of warning, not wanting to incur the wrath of the King of the Road and was incredulous when he drove straight by it.
“That’s not our exit,” he said calmly. “It’s the next one.”
I neither expected, nor did I get, an apology when he realised he was wrong and we had to drive completely around the Orbital again in rush hour traffic.
It was getting dark and the children were asleep when the smoke appeared from the bonnet, accompanied by the loud rattling noise. We had international road cover but, apparently, no change for the ‘phone box at the Toll Road we had stopped at to call them.
Which is how I found myself in the car, peering out of the windscreen at my husband who was knocking on the cabs of various trucks parked on the side of the Autoroute, dressed as he was, looking like he was asking the truck drivers for a night of passion for a fee in his limited French rather than change for the ‘phone.
It was completely dark when the tow truck got to us and I didn’t think it was very safe for me and the children to still be in the car as it was being carried on the back of the truck but was just grateful for the respite of the bad atmosphere as my husband sat in the cab of the mechanic.
Longest Journey Ever.