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How are people going to manage who look after their ill parents if we have to isolate

(38 Posts)
bikergran Sun 15-Mar-20 08:09:08

Recently I am having to spend more time looking after my parents, my mum has cancer my dad Parkinson's copd they are both 84 been reasonbly fit n healthy.

My mum had a fall last week so crisis care team in at the mo.but their time is limited.

What worries me is if we have to isolate ourselves, how are our poorly relatives going to manage without us, that rely on us for popping in, taking meals, cleaning cooking etc.

I know you can put meals in freezer but when they are ill and elderly they sometimes just cant be bothered and go down hill,

Has anyone got a plan in place?? some people don't have friends or family, and a lot of people help elderly neighbours.

Hithere Fri 20-Mar-20 23:11:46

He doesn't need to be educated? Ok then.

Best of luck

How did the drinks end up in the house?

Denial runs strong in the family

bikergran Fri 20-Mar-20 21:09:19

Thanks for that Salsa my mum has just started having a carer in to help with washing etc,its all quite new to us all.

I just feel like I have to do as much as I can as the carers only have a limited time for each person, they are truly wonderful and in the even that it is impossible to visit /shop.clean/chat etc then at least I know some one is going in every day.

Hetty58 Fri 20-Mar-20 21:06:58

My daughter is worried. She wonders what happens if she and OH get ill. Who will look after the kids? Perhaps her brother's family - but will they want to risk infection?

SalsaQueen Fri 20-Mar-20 21:01:55

Social Services aren't the only care providers - there are lots of care agencies around, and they are all still working. If your parents are able to pay for their care, t would be a simple case of you ringing one of the many agencies to set it up. If your parents are unable to pay, couldn't you help/ With hand-washing, gloves, etc., it shouldn't be too much of a problem, should it?

bikergran Fri 20-Mar-20 20:57:46

Hithere my dad has Parkinsons, copd, heart trouble, but does not need to be educated in how to care for the love of his life after 65 years, He just gets frightened if he thinks she isn't drinking/eating enough.

Thankfully whilst I have been there sleeping etc over the last 3 nights days, my mum has improved, the sickly drinks have gone out the window.mum has been enjoying other drinks, iced water.juice etc.
Bassets vitamins so all is a little better at the mo.

Thankyou Maw and Glamm smile

Grammaretto Tue 17-Mar-20 12:40:44

I'm currently with gt grandpa. He's watching the news. He 's not worried and says his life won't change much.
He doesn't want us to take him out for a drive . He says he's been out in the garden and has plenty enough fresh air.

Purplepixie Tue 17-Mar-20 12:24:53

My best friend looks after her mam who is 100 years old and she is scared stiff in case they get this virus. Scary times and I wish I could help them but I cannot as I live 200 miles away and they have relatives but they have been told to stay away. Where is this all going to end?

Urmstongran Tue 17-Mar-20 12:18:01

Maybe all us ‘oldies’ should bunk up together if we can? My 87y old stepfather is okay but if he needed more care I think we would move in with him (his home has a spare bedroom ours doesn’t. (as retirees it would be do-able for us bikersgran - obviously you have a job to consider so that’s not possible for you).

Maybe we all need to think outside our usual boxes? Short term inconveniences for long term health gains. There may well have to be uncomfortable discussions within families in the weeks ahead.

Mamie Tue 17-Mar-20 11:39:26

One of the exceptions to lockdown here is that you can go out to care for elderly relatives.

glammanana Tue 17-Mar-20 11:39:23

Biker Your dad may have the misconception that mum will dehydrate if she doesn't take the drink he is after all 84 yrs old so really he does not need to be educated as such poor man must be worried sick about your mum.Just take her some flavoured water in the big bottles and get dad to refill smaller bottles for her to

Hithere Tue 17-Mar-20 11:20:13

What would you suggest instead?

Hithere Tue 17-Mar-20 11:11:41


Of course he is scared!
Would he be open to be educated about how to care for his wife in a more rational and effective manner?

MawB Tue 17-Mar-20 08:00:28

Hithere Mon 16-Mar-20 00:37:49
If you find yourself in this situation, start thinking of alternative plans to cover the gap
Start sorting out alternative care arrangements today

Perhaps easier said than done? .

bikergran Tue 17-Mar-20 07:57:28

Hithereyes I know what you mean about my dad, but he has always been bolchy. He is sick with worry that he is going to loose the love of his life. He doesn't physically force her to drink them but he tells her " she will die if she doesn't take them" my mum tells him to shut up! confused

Anyway I am going over today and the b........ y drinks are going in the bin! a waste yes but that will be the end of it. even the carer said they don't do for everyone.

Dillyduck Mon 16-Mar-20 21:50:55

Maybe join the Carers UK Forum?

Grammaretto Mon 16-Mar-20 20:52:40

We had a lovely email today from a young acquaintance in our town who has offered to help us and others who need shopping etc. He left his phone number. How sweet is that!

Meanwhile we have arranged to take gt grandpa out tomorrow for a drive. Is that isolating enough?

christinawadeley Mon 16-Mar-20 13:13:30

I totally understand the fear of getting this virus and then passing it, unknowingly, to a loved one whom it would be catastrophic to infect. I care for my terminally ill mother who lives with me. I look after her 24/7 and sleep with her to keep her safe at night. I also have underlying health issues which make me vulnerable to illness. My autistic, asthmatic children live at home and I worry for them too. At present I am self isolating us at home to try and prevent anyone catching this what appears to be a highly contagious virus. However, any cough, sneeze, tightness of chest from any of us is making me panic like mad. I am ordering meals in and disinfecting surfaces anytime I touch something. I know I have to stay well or my mother will suffer for it. It is a very distressing situation as I don't know what to do in the event I am incapacitated and cannot care for those I need to.

Hithere Mon 16-Mar-20 12:44:04

Supposed, not supported

gillybob Mon 16-Mar-20 12:43:57

I am 58 so not in the at risk age group although I do suffer from underlying health issues . Like others I have quite a few responsibilities towards my elderly father, my poorly husband and my 4 grandchildren for whom I provide childcare . My dad totally relies on me for shopping , hospital visits etc. And I worry how he would manage if I became ill ?

Hithere Mon 16-Mar-20 12:31:44


If her husband is trying to make his wife drink those energy drinks because he thinks they are going to cure her, is he the best carer for his wife?
No, he is not. He is not doing what it is best for her. He is not qualified and not supported to be qualified to care for her.
What else is he doing that it is not good for her or she doesn't like?

Those drinks are really bad for your health. They are highly discouraged to be used by young people.
I doubt a carer would condone that (making her force drink the energy drink)

This coronavirus only highlights an existing case of inadequate care.

Carers will take care of the patients in an efficient way, not catering to them.

Sometimes, family members need professionals to take care of them, not family. THAT is the problem here.

Yes, depression is a real danger, before and after this Corona situation.

bikergran Mon 16-Mar-20 06:10:12

I can see some plans can be put in place,but who is going to sit for hours with my mum and chat, or to try and comfort my dad who has Parkinsons, his wife of 65 yrs is slowly deteriorating, she shouts at him because he tries to make her drink those horrible sickly energy drinks (he thinks they are going to cure her)!

The carers who have no time to stay and chat, or make meals that they fancy, clean up, disinfect, wash,clean up, do washing drying etc etc .

Many many people will just slowly drift away and become depressed and down, they rely on seeing people, I cab some sad very sad stories coming out if this 4 month isolation takes place.

All of you who are helping others and are so kind,It could be one of my parents you are helping, so many kind and caring people about, trying to make the best of what this country has come to.Lets hope that this horrible virus is gone and away as soon as possible. Take care everyone.

Hithere Mon 16-Mar-20 00:37:49

If you find yourself in this situation, start thinking of alternative plans to cover the gap.
Start sorting out alternative care arrangements today.

callgirl1 Mon 16-Mar-20 00:26:35

I am nearly 77 and not very fit or agile, which is why we have carers twice daily for my daughter, aged 56, who is badly crippled by rheumatoid arthritis, I don`t know how we`ll cope without the carers.

Spidergran3 Sun 15-Mar-20 15:13:42

There are lots of community help groups being set up under the umbrella of the organisation above as well as independent groups. Facebook is a really good resource and support at the moment. See if there is a Facebook Group for your mum’s town or local community. You or your daughter can access it on your mum’s behalf. Best wishes.

glammanana Sun 15-Mar-20 10:49:51

Bikergran I am like you and have to manage on my own now I don't have parents to care for but I do look after my next door neighbour who is 86 and lost his wife 9mths ago,since then I have cooked for him on Sundays & Wednesdays making sure he is fed properly,I don't mind doing this as I at least make sure I do something nice for myself.
I'm feeling well so no problem there and my son who is night manager at Sainsbury's leaves any shopping I need at the front door on his way home at 6.30am.