Daughter needs help with young children

Oh! I had another look, and it was Chattykathy I was replying to and not the OP. So that was okay.

I have had to make a difficult decision too, but my daughter and partner were told the famous(should be infamous) store they work for have decided to open. Bike and car bits. Essential service??? They were closing for 3 weeks then it was reneged on by higher up the chain by people not at risk from droplet infection. Staff weren't given effective protection before the shutdown for weeks. So who else is going to look after my grandson? I'm doing this to save him from having to spend other days with relatives who are NHS workers. The lower the risk of contacts the better, damage limitation that shouldn't have to happen if the fat cats didn't want profits so much. I'm scared for my family like everyone else, so being scrupulous about hygiene as an ex NHS worker.
More companies will open their doors if this lot get away with it. What's the next essential? Toasters and alarm clocks?

Hetty, no wonder you are complaining at me! I can only imagine I replied to the wrong OP or else I meant that there are circumstances where it's reasonable, with due care, to travel to visit a vulnerable person.
Sure, having a cold and looking after two children is compatible with normal ability.

Thats true Eglantine21, but they could leave the toys in their garage for 72 hours then the virus if there would be dead. Is that right?

And you could catch it on your walk round.

Yes.

My grandchildren live within walking distance to me, am I allowed to walk round and leave toys that I have made for them on the doorstep or could they catch virus from the toys if I had it but didn't realise?

Yes her husband DEFINITELY should not be returning to work if shes got these symptoms,especially if hes NHS! He could have unknowingly be the one whose given her this! Has he rung work to explain? Is there a way any of them can be tested? No dont go help her.you need to be careful.so does her hubby,as he not thought this through???

I feel for your dilemma. I hope she is not too sick and that her DH is now helping.
It's hell for everyone. My DD needs me right now but I can't help. My job is to keep myself and her dad well and safe.
I am just coping.
Yesterday he cut his hand. Today he was up a ladder changing a light bulb. He's mid 70s and has serious health issues.
Sending hugs. Xx

If it's a cold and the symptoms seem to indicate that is what it is at the moment then DD will get better. Does she work too that she is feeling exhausted? Who would usually look after the children when at work? If children are usually at nursery then perhaps DD is finding out what it is like looking after children full time. You need to avoid just in case the virus is lurking in the household.

Alexa, how is the daughter a 'vulnerable person' exactly?

I really dislike any bending of the rules. It potentially threatens the lives of my family.

I can't see a problem with having a cold and looking after two small children. Am I missing something?

Sorry about the play dates...you are absolutely right. I was not using good judgement and appreciate you calling me out.

If everyone sticks to the rules we can all do our bit to protect the NHS, stay at home and save lives. Your SiL will have to stay at home and self isolate. He can look after his wife and children. Realy the rules apply to us all, including all of our children and grandchildren. In case someone has not seen news, no more pkaydates until further notice, no birthday parties either. Stay at home, stay safe.

@Alexa thank you for your advice. Luckily she is well looked after, has wonderful carers going in and siblings who live closer are delivering food to the door on a weekly basis. She is lonely of course but we've explained the situation and she understands. Daily chats on the phone are helping.

My understanding of the rules are that you can certainly go to help your daughter if you live at her place while helping.

No going back and forth between your and her place.

You may well be required to quarantine yourself for a fortnight when you get home.

Ring your local health dept. your GP or the police to check the rules though, so you don't do something illegal.

Chattykathy, I don't of course know your elderly mother's circumstances but there are a few actions people can take on behalf of elderly or otherwise vulnerable persons.

Some elderly or otherwise vulnerable people can't self -report and need to be looked at in person, through the window for instance, if possible. If you were to visit some vulnerable relative or friend you can enter their house while you ventilate the place, ensure they are fed, watered, medicated, and toileted , and throw them kisses and smiles. You can carry with you a bleach based spray and cloth and apply it to whatever you touch in their house. Wash your hands a lot. Wear a clean simple mask : two layers of cotton over your nose and mouth is better for trapping droplets than no covering at all. An old fashioned clean cotton overall is better than cumbersome jackets etc.

Some of the comments on here have amazed me! What part of stay at home don't you understand? And suggesting playdates?? People in Italy and Spain are dropping and some are dying and being buried alone, it's that serious! Sorry to sound so short but I'm exasperated at the advice being given here. I know it's natural to want to run to them and help, I feel like that about my elderly mum and my DC and DGC but I'm not risking their or my health. I hope your DD and family get through this well.

Tedd1, your daughter is a vulnerable person who needs help from you . You would be justified in travelling to help her, as much so as a carer is justified in helping a client.

I hope you would protect yourself against infection by avoiding all possible contact with her or the children. It's a tall order. Clean masks will stop quite a lot of droplets, Handwashing will reduce the viral load. Keeping your distance while asleep e.g. sleeping in a separate room with an open window will protect you a little. Use your own crockery, cutlery, and towel. Wipe door handles and other much used surfaces with bleach based cleaner.

I think you would be with your daughter until her whole family has been symptom free for fourteen days, and the whole of your daughter's house hold would be isolated, ideally including the father.

Since this can't be done due to the man's work all members of the household including you will probably be advised by the NHS workplace as to his conduct at home with his family.

If the police stopped you en route I imagine they would agree your journey was a necessary one.

It's up to your son-in-law to stay at home and take care of his wife and children, and it's up to you to stay at home and take care of yourself with your husband.
If you are fit and healthy you can do some shopping for her and take it and leave it on her doorstep but it's too risky to do anything more.
Regarding the NHS - I appreciate the need for all those who can work to do that BUT your son-in-law can't because if his wife is displaying symptoms which she may be then he too must remain in self-isolation but his duty anyway is to look after her and protect you from your wish to help. I know the NHS is under strain but there are 7,500 volunteers among us (including myself as a telephone supporter) who have just given some of our time and the idea behind this is to help the existing NHS workers get a better crack of the whip I think. Stay put.

Her husband can take carer days. All parents have carer leave allowances

No you cannot go.
It isn't just about you and your family , it's also about protecting the NHS
You are putting yourself at risk, and if you are hospitalised, it will place a greater strain on a creaking service.
Please don't go, your daughter and her husband must isolate as per the guidelines.

No no no no.
Do not go to them.
Husband should be at home.
Not you!!

A 3 yr old and a new baby? Her husband should stay and look after them even if he is an NHS worker- and BECAUSE he is an NHS worker

We are in a time of real crisis. I would not go for the many reasons mentioned above. You would put yourself, and others, at risk by doing so.

I know only too well how difficult it is to look after children when feeling unwell.

I'll never forget being in sole charge of four children when we all had gastric flu. It was hell - but I did manage. Basics (food, drink, medicines, personal care - and buckets lined with bin bags as we only had one loo) were possible and we just waited it out!

Tucked up in bed and dozing, my daughter suddenly turned her head and threw up all over her brother's hair!

Why on earth is her Husband going to work ? Doesnt he understand the rules ? I hope he doesnt infect anyone he comes into contact with ! He really is being irresponsible endangering peoples lives.