Feeling guilty

No, Anne107 don't feel guilty, your mother is being well cared for, you are following guidelines and phoning every day.

You’d feel more guilty if you infected her on one of your visits - you’re doing the right thing.

The instruction is not to visit anyone so no need to feel guilty.

We are totally isolating because my husband is on the vulnerable list but I am visiting my mother aged 99 twice a week. My sister who lives alone pops in on the other days. The management of the sheltered housing have said we can visit and I spend my whole time washing my hands. However, my mother has at least two different carers in her house every day and I am more worried about catching the virus there than I am worried about giving it to her.

Humbertbear, you say you are “totally isolating” and then say you are visiting your mum twice a week ! With all the comings and goings at your mother’s, you and your sister are putting her and indeed your vulnerable husband at risk. Please stay at home as instructed.

vickymeldrew She said a carer visits twice a week.

We are in similar situation. Father in law has carers 4 times a day but both sister in laws also visit. We wont go as per government rules but feel so guilty. I feel that they are exposing him to multiple risks.

My first post. Please don't feel guilty. My mum is 91 and lives alone. She has stopped all visitors including my brother and I. My brother lives 5 minutes from her and does her shopping which he leaves at her door. I let her make the decision about visiting as we were more likely to bring the virus in with us. Must admit I was relieved she decided not to let us come as I would have felt so guilty if she had caught it. We speak everyday ... sometimes two or three times. She's had a few wobbly moments but seems to be coping well. Take care all.

Humberbear, totally isolating is being at home not popping to visit your mum twice a week. Your mum who had Carers and your sister visiting as well as you.
This is not following Government guidelines. Can’t you see the risk you are putting yourself in and also your husband, you could bring the virus home to him. He being vulnerable could easily catch the virus , then what ? I really cannot get why people cannot just understand what the Government is asking us to do. This virus is killing hundreds daily and people are just flaunting the advice. Stay home Humberbear, we all want to get out of this alive.

Don't feel guilty. You were doing the right thing. It wasn't as if you weren't keeping in touch.

Your sister shouldn't be going in the house!! It beggars belief! And to stay with her?? When your sister is clearly out and about. What if she's carrying the virus, then passes it on to your mum?? Unbelievable.
Don't feel guilty, you're the one doing the right thing!

Humbertbear your Mother is getting lots of visitors ie carer sister and you. Wrong so wrong.!!

Your sister should not be doing what she is - that is not an essential journey; your mother will have a local group of people who can do her shopping, meds, etc. You are doing the right thing!

Management are wrong too Humbertbear and tbey can get fined for breaking rules too.

Don’t feel guilty Anne107 we are being told to stay at home, humberbear, it doesn’t sound like self isolating to me, so wrong

With your own underlying medical conditions you should not visit your Mum. Do not feel guilty, by staying away you are protecting both her and yourself.

Do NOT feel guilty, you are doing the right thing,you are keeping conatct with your Mum by phone and keeping her safe.
Keep safe too.

Humbertbear, you should NOT be visiting your mum. The management at the sheltered housing are totally wrong for allowing and encouraging it. Sounds like a cop out on their behalf, they are the ones paid to protect their residents!

Humbertbear - you are not following the guidelines, you are not isolating and you are putting everyone at risk including your husband. How will you feel if your husband gets it because the chances are it very likely be you that will infect him. Please follow the guidelines and stay at home.

Your mother would be beyond devastated if you succumbed to the virus. I assume you speak to her on the phone sometimes? Well at least she has that much of you. If anything happened to you she wouldn't even have that, and what's more your sister might be so upset that even she stopped cheering your mother up as well as she does right now. Stay healthy, it's the best thing for your WHOLE family.

I was a social worker for 25 years and prior to that was heavily involved in the voluntary sector as a volunteer or helping set up and run various community projects. I am interested to find that I now have no drive to 'get involved' with community initiatives and am glad that I am far from family, all of whom are serving in health and social care, but living in a small community with fantastic sources of support. I was invited to join a Facebook Covid-19 Mutual Aid group and did so after some hesitation but am content to sit in the background and share the occasional interesting post with the group. I am glad I had my 70th birthday in February too and have an underlying health condition which goes some way to legitimise my position but has been effectively treated with stents and medication. There was a time when I would have set my condition aside and surged out to help but that time is now past and I am content with my position. If others are willing to provide support that is enough for me.

Wish someone would tell my neighbour no visitors, they have more visitors now than before the lockdown.

Government guidelines could not be clearer - self-isolation, and staying in means just that - not having people come to visit, and certainly not having people come to stay for a week. But it's all very well for those of us who have smartphones, pcs, tablets etc., and are sufficiently savvy to use them to keep in touch and see the faces of our loved ones some distance away. And for those of us with relatives nearby who can bring provisions and leave them at the gate or the front door where it's perfectly possible to remain 2m apart and see each other in the flesh. I feel immensely sorry for those whose really elderly parents don't have the ability to 'see' them by virtual means. This must be very difficult to cope with. But if like you Anne107, you have an underlying health condition and the house you are thinking about visiting is also having other people going in and out (the carer for one) then there's a real problem with potential infection spread and for your own physical sake you must stay inside.

most everyone has already said it

I am self isolated, my family don`t come to see me.. I don`t want them to, as much as I miss them.

my dil wants to cycle (about 6 miles, dedicated cycling paths)
to me,, and talk 2 metres away... I don`t think she should in fact have said no...she could be at risk just cycling this way..and she has family to care for..

hard as it is, and I am in tears as I write this,, so lonely, but there... when I die, I want it to be quick and peaceful. God willing