Can't do right for doing wrong

We have tried our very best to remain locked in, order as much as we can online, even though delivery slots are nearly 2 weeks apart, and needs to be left for essential workers. Do Click and Collect, haven't seen friends since the beginning of all of this.

However this is not enough for my children(39&44), I have been called irresponsible, and idiot and get this, F**king stupid to go out to collect medicines/walk the dog within a mile of home and part of our daily exercise. Apparently all of this can be done by local community help, or volunteers, which are busy dealing with people who have greater needs than us, we are both healthy (fingers crossed) aged 66 and 73 and not in a vulnerable group. But somehow we are both stupid and its our age group that helps to spread this virus around.

I responded to that the information as above to them both, who by the way both live over 200 mls away, and reminded one of them that their past behaviour of the drug misuse nearly killed them to which I thought was bloody irresponsible, stupid and idiotic, in fact it broke my heart, watching them in hospital after having a heart attack after using too much cocaine, and even once rang me in the middle of a bender saying he wanted to end it all, and still does break my heart thinking of how they were. I have been told that to bring that up after 9 years was not the same, and I should let go, and maybe they are right, I never told them at the time, in my experience people going through that wouldn't have heard me anyway.

So now I have been sent to Coventry for that and the other has played the "do it for the grandchildren" card and wont talk to me either.

Am I wrong to ask for a bit of respect, even if they don't agree with me, and I know their concern is for the right reasons, but why should I be spoken to like that. I told one that I couldn't be held responsible for the entire group of over 70's in the country, which they didn't like.

One of them has mail delivered here and I just sent a message asking what to do with it, a curt reply came back and when I said "please?" I have received a message back saying if I didn't apologise for the serious line I crossed then they had nothing to say, but by doing all the drug misuse and further actions after, losing job, moving back in with us, helping with living cost etc,hurt, but apparently MY actions really damaged our relationship, no acknowledgement of the hurt that was caused, and never has been. So there you have it , Cant do right for doing wrong, but just now I'm in tears, they are so cruel. So once again I will not speak to them for a while, I'm too angry, hurt, and quite frankly amazed at the level of anger displayed towards me, apparently I'm lucky that they still tolerate me, and I'm told the reason the drug episode still affects me is quilt, guilt because both of them are emotional wreaks?? a lot due to the terrible time getting away from their father, and me thinking I was getting them to a better place, OMG, wrong again

And all of this started because I wouldn't do as I was being told (told, not asked) to do over this Coronavirus lockdown.

Are there any kind words from anyone please, I turn to this group as I have no family other than my children and of course my husband, who is not their father and not as emotionally involved, so its a lonely place sometimes.