visiting family during lockdown

As with most things in life I feel a good dollop of common sense with all of this is needed at the moment. My OH and I have been abiding by the rules all the way through but I'm missing my grandchildren as much as many of you and it would be lovely to see them. They both live around and hour and a half away and my daughter in law, who is a teacher and now working one week in 3 at school, has been very unwell with Covid and has thank goodness completely recovered now. While she was in bed at home I facetimed the two little girls to try and have some fun with them whilst my son was in another room trying to keep 80 staff at home on laptops happy and busy - a difficult task! So for them I won't be asking them to come down to see us until we are a few weeks further along. My daughter however who has an 8 month old boy is desperate to see us so I'll probably suggest in 10 days time she comes down and sits in the garden with us - no hugging but we can still chat and have fun. The problem, as some others have pointed out, will be needing the loo. But with excellent disinfectant before and after use I don't see this as a game changer. Also I've invited my neighbours, just two at a time, for an afternoon cuppa socially distancing in the garden this week, as the weather is so lovely. They can use our side gate and won't come in the house. I've told them not to expect biccys or cake since I seem to have put on a few lbs during lockdown so I've stopped baking and buying. They are delighted to accept but we can spend an hour just sharing our news. I just think common sense is what we English are known for so surely now is the time to be using it ;-)

Hello Lucy, I am so sorry I only saw your post once I had put my rather cross post on. I totally agree with what you said and am thinking of you.

My daughter said something similar in an email. We have a big garden and at the beginning of the lock-down we all thought that when the weather improved they might drive up for the day they live about 3 hours drive away. The plan was to stay out in the garden and keep to the prescribed safe distances and their family use the downstairs loo while we use the en-suite loo. I have been a bit anxious about seeing them but not being able to hug them. My daughter's email said " I think to see you and not be able to hug you would be almost worse than not seeing you at all. She echoed my thoughts perfectly. So far we have not physically seen any of them for 9 or 10 weeks. Touch wood, we are all safe and well and that is the important thing at the moment.

I cannot believe how many people are trying to find loopholes to the very clear advice, only two people from different households can meet, as long as it is 2 metres apart in a public open space. The longer people don't listen the longer this is all going to go on for. I have three children and three grandchildren that I would love to visit but none of the children would dream of putting us at risk and the same goes the other way round. If we go into their gardens we would have to tell the GC to stay away from us - awfull for them and how do youi tell a baby that? and do we sit on their chairs, use their toilet, or maybe even get tempted to have a drink of water or tea? Where does it all end? Not to mention all the people who are trying so hard to obey the advice who live in flats and cannot see anyone in their gardens, do we make a separate rule for those of us fortunate enough to have gardens for our own use - I dont think so. Obviousley this is so difficult for everyone, but the sooner we all work together the sooner we will be able to first and foremost protect peoples lives and also see our families again.

I wish I could see my son standing two meters from me. He was killed in a road accident. 29, firefighter, beautiful blue eyes and a stunning smile. Anniversary of loss only days away. Birthday days after that. I’m confined to bedroom and have been before schools closed.

I’m truly not feeling sorry for myself but please be grateful for what you have.

This post is making me so cross I can’t read on. Please hold out just a little longer. It’s only weeks. Not a lifetime.

kate54 you are right. From the posts on here there are a lot putting their own interpretation on the rules. You are not supposed to socialise by visiting another person’s home - or garden. I do agree though that it doesn’t seem very logical in some respects.

So much of the government advice is very, very confusing - probably deliberately so. Government is very intent on having loads of other people to blame for their total inability to have controlled this virus anywhere nearly as well as nearly every other country in the world (exclusing the USA which is even worse).
Yes, if you employ your Mum as a Nanny and your Dad as a cleaner - then you can have them both in your house.
Parks and open spaces seem to have cleaner air, than anyone's garden.
Send back the babies to school ( one of the few countries in the world that has formal education for 4 and 5 year olds), but not the secondary school children who can easily understand and abide by social distancing.
Drive as far as you like - but do not stay overnight away from home. Do we assume that night-time - even in your own caravan or motorhome is a greater risk time that daytime?
No wonder people are confused and having to make their own decisions.
In the meantime, government is very concerned about re-starting economy - so that takes first priority for them.
What we really need is testing, testing and more testing - not just once per person but again and again.
Nobody can guarantee that any vaccine will be found for this virus - ever!!! So, do we just stay put isolated in our own homes forever?? Suppose, at the end of the day, each person needs to make their own choice.
Also....do need to remind ourselves, that although there have been so many deaths, the percentile death rate of this virus is not very high, for most people.
I really think that the government tried to make up for its many shortcomings in handling this virus in good time and in good ways by installing 'project fear, in us.
So interesting to see how differently places like New Zealand, South Korea, Sweden, Denmark handled this.

What a strange questions. Of course everyone feels the same about not hugging their family. We're all in the same boat so stop feeling sorry for yourself and go and see your family. Visiting them is as good as showing your love for them. Perhaps even better when you make the effort to do that for them.

I haven’t been able to see my children and GKids in real life. Used to look after 2 of them 3 x a week. I was ok about it when we were in lockdown. It’s since the easing I am struggling as my daughter doesn’t want to meet up as it’s not an essential journey and I understand my son is still anxious as they’ve Just had their first baby. So I get that. What I am struggling with is seeing neighbours and friends meeting up in their gardens with their grandchildren. They may be 2 m apart but we have a big garden and it would be easy to do. The logic of the government I am also struggling with eg a paid nanny can go and do childcare but a Nanny ( grandparent) can’t do the childcare. How do they expect people to go back to work? My DD works in a school. She can’t return until I can look after the baby. Just makes no sense. I know my mental health is suffering but tbh there’s not much I can do. Just feeling a bit sad today sorry.

If you are waiting on hugging I fear you (We all) will Wait a very long time - this is the new world

I still find the English rules rather illogical, but I’m happy to follow Nicola Sturgeon’s rule, and keep isolated, as I don’t want to either catch or spread it. I liked this on Facebook -

‘ As estate agents are now allowed back to work, I’ve put my house on the market, and Mum & Dad are coming for a viewing tomorrow at 3’

( Incidentally, I didn’t check whether estate agents are allowed back to work, but it made me laff! )

I'm high risk. My youngest daughter has dropped off a few essential items. She is a carer and we have chatted at a distance of much further than 2 meters. My eldest daughter lives with my grandsons and husband 2 hours drive away so video phone chats only.
Chatting in real life,however brief is very different and I always feel uplifted afterwards.
My grandsons are 4 and 18months and if they lived nearby it would I imagine be very hard to socially distance. I do video bedtime stories and I'm going to do a video cooking session. It's not the same. I used to see them every couple of months but dont know when will see them again. Such is life,I'd rather be here in long term and at least we have technology to make keeping in touch easier.

You don't know how lucky you are to have the chance to see them in person

Hang on a minute..... it seems that many posters here are suddenly OK with inviting family members into their gardens as long as social distancing is maintained. When did that shift in opinion happen?
I completely agree that logically this makes no sense at all and I keep forgetting what the Government reason is but at the moment, officially, it’s a no no.
I met a friend in the park yesterday which was lovely but if she’d come into my garden, thereby only involving one person’s journey, it wouldn’t be allowed.
I think the main problem here is that the new rules do appear to be illogical but at the same time we’re being asked to use our common sense. Perhaps they can’t have it both ways.

I have a zoom session with my two grandchildren every day and we learn about different things, so it's like a lesson. However, I met up with my children (separately) on Saturday - they both live about 25 miles away and we sat well over two metres apart outside. The grandchildren knew not to come close but they are 6 and 7. It was the best thing and my son said it had made his weekend! It is hard to be at home with the kids if you are a working parent, so I am more than happy to be a distraction, and consider how pleased your family will be to see you! As Boris says, use common sense. The rules followed to the letter can be really confusing.

My biggest problem is going to the loo. I couldn’t drive somewhere a long way away as I’d need to go. And you can’t go in somebody’s house can you? And I would think public ones are Not open and if they are it’s surely too dangerous to go in.
I think the Government has given us a lot of confusion by saying we can go out for as long and as far as we want but then they’re also saying, stay at home as much as you can!

My daughter and two grandchildren live 3 mins walk from me. We meet nearly everyday. Either in the park or they come to my front garden or them to mine. We never break the social distancing rules. I can visit them and I can see their smile, watch them move around and chat away. The same with my daughter. My son lives half hour away so I have not seen him for 2 months. Today is his birthday and we are now allowed to drive. So I'm meeting him at a park near him. I may not hug him but I can be near my son again and see my grandson crawling in the grass ( he was just about sitting up when I last saw him). It is going to be the best day. If I waited until I could hug them or stand close I have a feeling I would be waiting a very long time. It's my other sons birthday on Saturday. I lost him 10 years ago to cancer. So just seeing my other 2 children (even without hugging them or visiting their house) is nothing but a bonus to me. We can try to see family now from a distance, but at least we can somehow so that's a bonus.

I have not seen anybody since February 28th and would never put my family at risk by asking them to meet.
They worried about us getting shopping but I would not allow them to travel 45 minutes each way to drop off bread and milk, I would rather go without.

I know it's still not officially permitted but I would do it one at a time of course! I do the bed time story a few times a week with my gkids via whats app, but I'm privileged 2 of my gkids live locally so I have seen them often and always socially distanced outside their house (more than 2 mtrs away) they play in the garden at the front and I stand on the footpath, as part of my exercise. It is still so much better than seeing them on video you get the whole picture/scene, and can react and interact at a distance. My other grand kids I What's App and I have seen them when they have needed to borrow something and left it outside their house. Yes I would love a hug but it is what it is and I miss it like mad. I know I am lucky and feel for all of you who can't do this but I never thought I'd say this but thank goodness for social media!

Cathiey what a brilliant idea - must have been quite a useful novelty, genius! Frankie51, what you are doing is a perfectly logical way of coping with separation. My son and family live abroad and I visit them every 8 weeks or so. I just tell myself that the next visit isn't due yet. If I dwelt upon how long until I see them again, I'd be inviting depression. Thank goodness for WhatsApp! ?

Assuming that your families have been socially isolated for weeks now it’s very unlikely they have the virus. Likewise yourself. I’m seriously considering meeting my family and having a quick hug. Once they’re back at school and work the rate of infection is likely to climb again and then it could be months before another chance.
I think I’m in more danger in garden centres and supermarkets when random strangers ignore the rules and come right up to you.

3 nanny 6 what your daughter is planning is illegal and she could get a visit from the police. I have heard of something similar being done local to me and the person was fined. Right too as it is what many of us would love to do but don’t as it is not allowed. If we all disregarded the advice then there would be even worse statistics. Why do some people just think that rules don’t apply to them ? Your daughter sounds really selfish and arrogant.

Yes, notagran. You can only see one child or parent at a time if you keep to the guidelines. One of you could meet a dc or dgc socially distancing and then you could swap and the other meet up with them. Groups (over 2 are not allowed)

Toilets are open in motorway services and in petrol stations as of course delivery drivers and other workers will need them.

We went to the fruit and veg market at a large Surrey town on Saturday and the two town centre ones were open as well and perfectly clean!

Just to say my son pops round occasionally and we chat with him stood in the driveway. Well Sunday he and family popped by and it is worth seeing the gc in the flesh esp with the 5yo. 15 minutes and they were off back home but we all enjoyed the interaction. We are over 70 shielded with various medical conditions as is my 27yo son.