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visiting family during lockdown

(171 Posts)
Samaromo Sun 17-May-20 09:58:48

My husband has suggested we visit our two daughters today. Our younger daughter and granddaughter are only a few miles away but our older daughter is approx 60 miles along the coast. He's still expecting us to socially distance with them and just stand in the garden and talk to them so I got got upset and said I don't see the point. I want to be able to hug them all and won't be able to do so, is going to visit them in person and still keep 2 metres apart actually any better than using facetime or zoom to talk to them? I think I will just find that seeing them in person will make me more upset and frustrated that I can't have any physical contact with them. If I don't see them in person it is almost as if we are just all busy and only have time to keep in contact via texts etc and somehow I find that easier to cope with than reminding myself that we are all being forced apart by lockdown. Do others feel the same way?

Luckygirl Sun 17-May-20 10:13:16

No - absolutely not.

It is what it is - no good tainting every pleasurable moment with wishing it could be different. It can't at the moment. Enjoy what you have.

It is not ideal of course - when one of my DDs visits with food shopping, and I have to stay a distance from her and the children, it is not ideal but a pleasure nonetheless; ditto when I meet them out on the common; or, as today, go to their wild flower meadow and have a chat and a wander round with her and GC.

You cannot spend the whole of this lockdown pining after what is ideal and mourning how things used to be - just take pleasure in what IS possible. How sad not to enjoy your baked beans just because you wish it was caviare.

As counsellors often say: you cannot always change what happens to you, but you can change how you respond to it.

Maggiemaybe Sun 17-May-20 10:13:56

I feel exactly that way about the grandsons, probably because they're too young to fully cope with the fact that they couldn't come to me for a cuddle and that would upset all of us.

But I feel differently about seeing our adult children. I met up with my DD1 for a socially distanced hour and a half walk across the fields on Thursday and it did us both the world of good. We've seen each other very frequently in lockdown on FaceTime and Zoom group calls, and as a family we've had weekly quiz nights, so it's not as though we haven't kept in touch. But just seeing each other properly out in the fresh air and putting the world to rights was a delight. We had a great catch up and both went home feeling much the better for our little adventure. We'd have had longer, but she had to drive home before she needed the toilet! We'll be doing it again, this time taking a couple of fold down chairs so that we can plonk ourselves 2 metres apart in the middle of a quiet field. Maybe even with a flask each, who knows? I'm arranging play dates with the other grown up children now, and I can't wait!

Of course I'm going to have to let DH have some of the walks though, as we can't meet as a group of three at a time. sad

BlueSky Sun 17-May-20 10:16:27

Well said Luckygirl!

BlueSky Sun 17-May-20 10:20:33

I won't say what about us who have DC and DGC abroad because I know there is always somebody worse off. Parents who are estranged from their family or tragically lost children. So let's make the most of what we've got at the moment!

EllanVannin Sun 17-May-20 10:33:32

I have to brace myself every time I think of my GGC's Birthdays, two of which I've missed so far. My twin GGC will be having their 14th Birthdays in a couple of weeks time and every time I think about not being able to see them, is painful, which is when I could really go into a deep depression but that's no good to anybody so I just tell myself to keep going until I WILL see them again.

Birthdays are the most difficult times, but other than that I know and realise that sense has to prevail for everyone's sakes as anything is better than not being here at all.

Wibby Sun 17-May-20 10:35:02

Is it really safe? Theres no way I would put my family at risk as much as I hurt not seeing them in the flesh. At least I can see them on Skype and chat, to me thats better than nothing when you consider how many grandparents arent on the internet and make do with phone calls.

2 metres distance is no where near enough when you consider a fine mist of mucus and saliva can burst from a person’s mouth at nearly a hundred miles an hour and travel as far as 27 feet. When the sternutation is over, a turbulent cloud of droplet-containing gas can remain suspended for several minutes, depending on the size of the droplet.

MissAdventure Sun 17-May-20 10:41:18

Perhaps you could stay home and let your husband go, then?

Luckygirl Sun 17-May-20 10:47:51

I think that ordinary breathing in an open space is not very dangerous - sneezing or coughing of course send the bug a very long way - but anyone who is sneezing or coughing should not be out at all!!! - and I would certainly not be going anywhere near them!!!

Franbern Sun 17-May-20 10:48:23

Oh dear Wibby if you really feel that you need to be at least 27 feet from the rest of humanity, good luck to you. Are you intending to do that for the remainder of your life?
Personally, I am more than happy to be able to see (in the flesh) my daughter and her children who live close by. We meet up in parks, and walks along the promenade. Yes, we do try to keep distance from each other, but two metres still allows us to chat together.
As I am nearly 80 now, I think I only have a comparatively short time left to me to enjoy my lovely adult children and their kids. No intention of locking myself away in solitary confinement for whatever time is left to me.

tanith Sun 17-May-20 10:57:38

I’m with Franbern and have been to one daughters garden where we’ve sat and chatted also my other daughter comes and sits in my garden for a chat we keep apart but that doesn’t stop us having a laugh and a good old gossip. We’re planning on taking a long walk together in the week as has been said I can chat and enjoy her company from 2 metres away. At some point we’ve all got to take some risk or we’ll be locked inside for evermore as this virus is not going to disappear for a long time if ever.

BlueSky Sun 17-May-20 11:36:28

And that's why in Europe you see them wearing masks but it needs to be everybody!

Anniebach Sun 17-May-20 11:40:30

How I wish I could see my daughters standing 2 metres from me, one lives 220 miles away , one is dead.

Tangerine Sun 17-May-20 11:44:44

There is the question of use of the loo to consider with visits to family.

If you visit your daughter 60 miles away, are there public toilets open near them? Do they want you to come into their house and use their loo?

I know it seems a silly thing to say but 60 miles there and back plus perhaps half an hour or an hour talking to them may well mean you want to use the loo.

Possibly you could use one at a garage but I am not sure. I think you need to think fairly carefully.

As far as the daughter who lives near you is concerned, I suppose you haven't got that particular problem so I think it might be nice to talk to them from a distance although I don't think you're supposed to go in their garden.

3nanny6 Sun 17-May-20 11:54:52

I have also been missing seeing my daughter and grand-children and have kept to rules and seen them from a distance at my daughters house.
My eldest daughter has her own flat and she announced to me yesterday that as things are easing she is collecting two of her sisters children (my grand-children) and having them at her flat for three days to give her sister a break. I am keeping out of it as they never fully listen to me but I am somewhat concerned. Eldest daughter has asked me if I will drive the children home to her sisters after the three day visit. I have not given her an answer yet as it is not all keeping with the rules.

Luckygirl Sun 17-May-20 12:08:58

I do not think you should be driving the children - 2m distancing a bit hard!

3nanny6 Sun 17-May-20 12:21:58

Luckygirl : Thank-you I am trying to stay out of all of it as I think that children should not be going to other daughters flat for three days. I know the childrens mum is not finding things easy but it all needs thinking through. You are right 2m distancing needs to be maintained. I will be told I do not want to help out so cannot win.

BlueSky Sun 17-May-20 12:35:07

Of course you would Annie flowers

Daisymae Sun 17-May-20 12:59:07

I can't see much harm in meeting up in a open space if they are nearby, but I would not drive 60 miles as there are potential problems as have been highlighted. Obviously everyone has to make their own assessment.

MawB Sun 17-May-20 14:39:32

3nanny6 sounds to me like breaking a few rules - are you happy with that?

WOODMOUSE49 Sun 17-May-20 14:45:02

My daughter and I have decided not to visit. She was due this weekend.
We live 200 miles apart.
We will continue with FaceTime.

Greeneyedgirl Sun 17-May-20 14:50:46

As someone on Have I got News for You said, if you employ your mum (or dad) as your cleaner then you can see them in own house!!

Keeping a distance and preferably with the windows open if possible smile

Lilypops Sun 17-May-20 14:59:16

Samaromo. I fully understand you want to see your GC. I need to see mine too ,one lives a 45min drive , what if the car broke down. Would you be able to get breakdown assistance, would they come out to you. Also as other posters have said. What if you needed the toilet. Try to just hang on a bit longer, ask you DH to be patient. It will soon be over well at least as is possible.then you can get all the loving hugs you want , ?

MerylStreep Sun 17-May-20 15:06:46

My daughter lives 15 mins away by car. I've had several visits in the garden. I don't have to go through the house and the children know the rules.
My grandaughter makes a big pantomime of air hugs and kisses.

NotAGran55 Sun 17-May-20 15:39:33

I thought the guidance was to meet ‘one to one ‘ in a park or open space ?
Have I missed an update to the guidance somewhere, as people seem to meeting multiple people from another household in private places ?