Feeling really low

I think you are grieving for the loss of so many things. And while your feelings are valid, but that is all they are: feelings. When I was widowed, advice from a friend in the medical profession was to eat sensibly, to walk outdoors every day, to record and explore my feelings and fears in a journal, and not to drink alcohol. I found two books by Stephanie Dowdrick very helpful: 'Choosing Happiness' and 'Creative Journal Writing'. What is it counsellors say? 'When you can't change your circumstances, you may be able to change the way you react to them.' Something like that. And Shakespeare: 'There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.' One day at a time... that was meant to be a bunch of flowers.

I think we’re all feeling low some days, but although I live on my own and my family is in total lockdown for health reasons, I still feel that I have more than many people. Just imagine being in a flat high up with young children.
I lift my spirits with a good book and a cup of tea, and the birdsong is glorious at the moment.

I too am begining to have more down days. I should be more positive, I have a lovely home and garden, enough money to pay the bills and eat good food. Even me and the husband are getting along better, but I to get upset that we cannot replace these lost days. Met my daughter at a local garden centre yesterday and it felt like a bit of normality even though we were social distancing but when it came to say goodbye it was horrible not being able to give her a kiss and a hug. Think that's why I am down today plus a friend of my husband is seriously ill in hospital with sepsis now after doing really well recovering from a stroke. The poor man is only 40.
Life goes on,the sun is shining and the grass needs mowing and I need to lift my spirits. It will get better. It may not be the same for a very long time to come and at 66 I feel like I have to make the most of it and look forward but it's hard.

Hi - have you changed your diet recently - introduced any new foods or drinks? This sounds simplistic, but it is the case that some foods can cause allergies, which in turn can bring low moods. Also sensitivity to outdoors - 'hay fever, tree fever' can trigger this. I've experienced this myself, & as a therapist, I have helped others to identify it. Best wishes.

Farawaynanny, I'm in a fairly new relationship too, married last summer. Just waiting to hear on Friday if hubby gets made redundant at 58....worried but absolutely nothing we can do. Life certainly has it's ups and downs, just got to keep on keeping on and stay hopeful for the future for everyone. Sending a hug to anyone that needs one today ?

I totally emphathise with what you say about the younger generations having time to put this in perspective as something that they 'lived through'. My mum and dad are 92 ad 94 respectively, both in poor health and, after all they have lived through, that this should be their lives for the time they have left is heartbreaking. It is exactly this that makes me very tearful at times as we have missed what will very likely be the last Mother's Day, birthdays and - coming up - Father's Day. I would have given anything to have been able to share those times and make precious memories before they are gone but the reality is that I can't even go and see them and hug them while they are still here. In a horrible way I have almost started to grieve their loss already, I miss them so much. They, however, are coping really well and being very stoical so I need to 'man up' and accept this is life at the moment for all of us to deal with in our own ways. Strange times indeed but take heart from the fact that we are all in it together. I wish you well xx

Do you need HRT?

I have accepted the situation. I think this helps. I rarely have contact with anyone....not even my children. They have their own lives. I sit and sew...last throws of a 7 year project.. hand pieced patchwork quilt. The river birds visit and bring their young. Life is ok. I have accepted how it is. Remember that there are others much worse off than you. If I died tonight I have no idea how long it would be before I was found...

Just reading some lovely positive posts which have inspired me.Love the timetable idea Grammargrandma and you both reading to each other, that's precious time together and beats constantly watching tv in the evening.
Nan79 you are inspirational with your positive attitude and sewing for the NHS. I'm going to invest in a sewing machine, if you have any patterns or tips as I've been watching the sewing bee and can't wait to give it ok??

This is my first time here,and my post doesn't seem to have come up,so going to try again.Just wanted to say i have been feeling all the same feelings you all have,and it's great to know that i'm not alone in feeling like this.I'm so sick of my own company.My dear husband passed away some time ago,and i live alone,so greatly miss meeting up with family and friends,but very grateful for Zoom and Skype ,and talks on the telephone,and hopefully i can make some new friends here.

I’m glad it’s not just me! I’m feeling that my life has been changed for ever by this virus. I’m four years into a new relationship after being widowed nine years ago. We were having such a lovely time. Meals out, weekends away, holidays etc. We should be grateful that, being retired we have a guaranteed income and really feel for those with reduced incomes or finding themselves redundant.
I’m struggling with motivation to do anything and just want my lovely life back!

I really appreciate all these wise words. Just to know others are out there especially those on their own helps a lot x

This is my first time here,and have been feeling exactly as you describe,but it's great to know i am not alone in feeling like this.I live alone,since losing my dear husband,and am finding it really tough not being able to meet up with children,grandchild, and friends,but thank goodness for Zoom and Skype,and talks on the telephone! Hope i can find a few new friends here too.

You are not alone as you can see from all the replies. I'm also sad and worry that we might not see our son again. He is in Australia sheltering at home because he has a suppressed immune system. He is working from home which is lucky but his wife's job has ended. They both work at an airport which is all but shut down. My husband is here sheltering and his letter from the NHS suggests he stay at home until the first week of June. He now has a really nasty water infection so his temper is rather short. Will we ever be able to fly to Australia again? Will our son ever afford to come and see us? Probably not. These are the things I get down about BUT the sun is shining, the garden is calling and our Asda order will be delivered on Friday so really all is good with the world and I need to put these worries to one side and get on with it. I hope you are feeling brighter today, but please know you are not alone.

So sorry to hear you are feeling this way Lizbethann, I am certain you are not alone, I think most of us have a bit of a wobble from time to time, I agree that it does sometimes feel like time passing by when we could be doing so much. Slowly things are easing, this lockdown time has made me realise how the small things matter so much, the freedom to go for coffee with friends, have a little wander round the shops etc ... all things I had taken for granted. Don’t feel ashamed at all if you have a bad day,sometimes, if I feel like that I just hunker down, do whatever I feel like ( maybe nothing) give up on trying to be positive just for that day and then start again the next day, hopefully feeling a bit cheerier. Everything does come to an end eventually , including this really difficult time we are all in. Be kind to yourself and know that you are not alone xx.

You do not know how lucky you are, my husband died 30 years ago so I live on my own. Have one son working in Cambridge and the other in Oz. I live in London so don’t see my grandsons or DIL but I have good friends. We can now meet (one at a time) for a walk and chat together. I do an online keep fit class twice a week and have been machining
for NHS. It’s hard for everyone but harder for people on there own whatever the age. As you can see I am a senior nearer to 80 than 79.
Be positive and count your blessings

I could have written more or less exactly what you've said Lizbethann55, thank you!!!! I now know that I'm not alone in thinking all these things!! My emotions are like a huge rollercoaster, feeling dire one day, then quite positive and upbeat the next!!! I don't know how many times I've given myself a talking to, as there is nothing coming over myself and my husband, lovely garden, lovely walks near home too! Miss our family they live in USA and probably won't see them until there's a vaccine and I find that very depressing!!!! Anyway take good care, In a way this is a small price to pay to stay safe and alive really!! Fingers crossed we will gradually get our lives back! (We live in Scotland). So things are going a bit slower here! Stay safe and well.

I had a bout of clinical depression some years ago and I felt very guilty as I hadn’t any good reason. Finally, I went to see my doctor and he identified that it was ‘clinical’ that is, caused by the chemicals in your brain and nothing to do with outside circumstances. It can happen to anyone and often does.

There is medication which boosts the Seratonin in your brain. It takes a few weeks to kick in, but when it does, you can feel it.

My doctor also recommended the company of others, sunshine and dark chocolate. Not easy to get adequate amounts these days. I would have liked him to prescribe a handsome Frenchman and a month in the South of France but alas.....

Anyway, I just wanted to say that although your circumstances may not alter very quickly, it may not be those circumstances entirely, that are causing you depression.

Hope this helps. ((((((Hugs))))))

Luluaugust .Thank you I will get in the sun today. I was having a moment early this morning, as someone said upthread it is a rollercoaster and I want to get off !

I understand how you feel but must also say that I do feel very sorry for the young.

If I was a young person, I'd be very worried about my financial, housing and employment prospects perhaps or my children's schooling.

Yes I'm feeling it too. I havent got to tearful yet - I've always had an optimistic nature which keeps me looking forward. But now after 10 weeks of semi-isolation I'm getting very restless. My family are in England and I'm in Scotland so I cant make any arrangements for visits yet. I doubt I will be able to travel for a long time yet. I spend hours going through old photos and videos which gives me a great lift. But I do think our world will never be the same, our grandchildren will not know life as we have done. So we must look at how things are likely to change and be adaptable and flexible. I am so thankful for our good health. I constantly think of so many people who are really suffering on so many levels just now, dealing with loss, fear, anxiety, uncertainty. Big virtual hugs to everyone. We are all in this storm together. There will be good times again. Nothing lasts forever.

I think moods have up and down swings and the moods we feel over CV are no different. I am already retired but feel many good bits of my retirement are currently being 'stolen' from me. I think also that summer starting is normally a great milestone with lots of summer activities, festivals, holidays etc to look forward to but this year that milestone is just flat, with none of the things we normally can look forward to enjoying. I have down days, and all the internal telling off about how much better off I am than others doesn't do anything to change my feelings, so just accept it for what it is, ie a bad day, and usually the next day feel better. However I could have bawled my eyes out on Monday - went into Tesco to get a 30th birthday card for my son, and an anniversary card for my sister (as no card shops open). Neither type of card to be had, and feel I've let my son down - he's having a pretty non event today for a significant birthday. I've printed off 30 mph speed limit signs from the Internet and made banners out of them, we'll get a takeaway for dinner and we've bought him a crate of beer, but it all feels like we've not been able to give him a proper celebration. And before anyone starts up about him visiting us, he still lives with us!

I think we have to accept that this is what it is going to be like for a long time ahead. Restrictions will ease, then there will be another surge in cases. Hopefully our leaders will have ensured that NHS and social care have enough resources to cope with more surges. No point pinning hopes on a vaccine, although I am sure one will be developed and made available. Lots of hard choices for all of us, but lets hope that some good will come out of it e.g. tackling how we care for an ageing population.

I think we all got our really low moments- some days are good and other days not so good. For the last couple of days I have felt really low. I keep telling myself over and over there are hundreds of people worse off than me - most days it works for me and I able to count my blessings but other days I just want to scream!

Bamm, I agree . I try to limit my time that I devote to sad thoughts.