Gransnet forums


Feeling really low

(164 Posts)
Lizbethann55 Tue 19-May-20 23:21:44

Don't know why but this afternoon and evening I have been feeling incredibly down and depressed. Does anyone else feel like this and what do they do about it? I KNOW I am luckier than many. I have a DH, a nice home, a DD and DGC I see a few days a week when they go for a walk. (We stand by front door as they stand at bottom of drive). I am even beginning to learn how to ignore the fact that my DS has developed political leanings somewhere to the far left of Karl Marx. But today I have that dreadful feeling of "is this it? Is this as good as it will ever get?". I am furloughed from my much enjoyed part time job. DH actually finished work since lockdown started and I am due to retire in a few months. Is my future no more than getting up, cooking, online shopping, a walk to see the ducks in the park and watching the hedgehogs all night? That's all there is? I am fed up listening to students and young adults whinging about how their lives are ruined and how they are scared for their future. At least they have a future! Imagine their conversations 20,30, 40 years from now "do you remember that year when everything closed? When we couldn't even go to the pub or on holiday? Can't remember exactly what year it was but it was ages ago. I remember we .locked granny up and wouldn't let her out in case she got ill. It was a right laugh, we used to zoom her (do you remember that?) But she never could get it quite right. Don't know why we bothered really, she died the next year of old age and dementia. Still, at least she didn't get the virus. What did they call it?" It's ok for them. We don't have 40, 30 or even 20 years in which to look back on this. I know (hope) tomorrow I will feel better. I will apologise to DH for being miserable as sin tonight and for snapping at everything he said and for everything he hasn't done. But tonight I could just cry and cry and cry. Sorry. And thank you for being my shoulder.

TheFrugalPiggy Tue 19-May-20 23:38:54

You are not alone. I have felt the same. Last week I wanted to run out into the middle of the road which runs through our village and shout obscenities. I too feel that life is passing me by. We actually managed to sell our house just before lockdown and now that restrictions are being lifted it looks like we'll be moving house in a few weeks but thus far we have absolutely nowhere to live as we always planned to go into a rental property initially before deciding where to settle. We are planning to relocate to Scotland from England but as Scotland is still "closed" we can't view any potential rental properties. I feel your frustration and send you a big hug. It will be OK. X

BlueSky Tue 19-May-20 23:54:26

Yes Lizbethann our life will be no more than getting up, cooking, online shopping, a walk in the park, if we are lucky!

Buffybee Wed 20-May-20 00:25:30

Lizbethann, I think all of us have down days, feeling life is passing us by, precious time stolen from us, when we should be seeing our loved ones and friends, going on holidays or even just going out for a meal.
The only real way to beat this virus is if a vaccine is found and my hope is that Oxford University, who are now testing their virus, could be the one.
Fingers crossed!
But even if, not that one!
We will find a vaccine and all will go back to normal.
Everyone is in the same boat, Young, old, rich, poor!
All lives put on hold but we will come out of this!
I am sure! ?

Buffybee Wed 20-May-20 00:26:18

Testing their vaccine......

Doodle Wed 20-May-20 04:18:14

lizbethan I think you feel as you do because the prospect of retirement is looming and you feel that they way you feel now will be the way you feel after you retire. This won’t necessarily be the case, it depends what you have planned for your retirement. It can be an opportunity to try out new hobbies, spend time doing the sort of things you’ve always wanted to do. Yes we are restricted at the moment but it won’t go on forever. There can be holidays to look forward to, visiting some places In this country you have never been to. Taking a more leisurely pace to the day. Breakfast with the crossword, lazy lunches in the garden. Walks in the country. Your retirement will be what you make it. Life in lockdown isn’t the same as being retired. The lockdown will end at some point. I have been retired a few years now and I’m still struggling to find time for my hobbies each day. I hope your spirits lift soon. Many are having a few wobbles in the strange circumstances we find ourselves in. Take care

morethan2 Wed 20-May-20 05:26:50

Awful isn’t it? I spend a lot of time telling myself “to pull myself together” it’s really not working. I only seem to manage things in small bites. So I’ll do one thing then sit and mope. Then tell myself off and try again. I’m normally an avid news watcher but I’ve had to turn it off. Yesterday I couldn’t even manage local commercial radio. Even the ‘good news’ stories are starting to drive me mad and upset or annoy me. How bad is this thought, when I see all the positive things people including children are doing for or during this pandemic I want to shout “shut up, just shut the #£&* UP” I don’t want to hear your having a wonderful time/dealing with it positively/ being wonderfully optimistic, being such fantastic supportive people.” it’s so not like me. I don’t understand why I feel like I do and I’m a bit ashamed.

Katyj Wed 20-May-20 05:45:00

Lizbethann. I’m glad I saw your post this morning, I’m up really early DH still in bed. I know exactly how you feel,Ive been feeling low for a few days now, especially when I read the news this morning about type 1 diabetes, your 3 and a half times more likely to die, one of my darling grandchildren has this and I just burst into tears. I’m so worried about them all, and I can’t see that changing for a long time yet.
At least at the moment I know their safe at home, long may it last.

Calendargirl Wed 20-May-20 06:46:30

Another reason you may be feeling down is this has been going on for several weeks now, and as my late mum would have said, “The novelty’s wearing off!”

When this began, it was scary and unreal, but different, so the empty spaces, roads, shops, made it all ‘exciting’ but in a strange, surreal way.

Now, however, we realise that this is life for a considerable time yet, and although restrictions are changing, there is no way the immediate future is normal.

But this is ‘it’, and all we can do is keep busy in our own way, but not feel guilty if we have days when we just don’t want to do much, and try and be thankful for our many blessings, which isn’t always easy I know.

Chewbacca Wed 20-May-20 06:51:07

You've articulated exactly how I feel Lizbethann55; thanks for being brave enough to come on here and describe it so well. A year ago I moved from a much loved home to where I am now, so that I could be closer to family and help out with childcare. But that's now impossible and I just feel...... marooned. Some days are better than others but that overall feeling of "what's the point" is like a lead weight.

Grannynannywanny Wed 20-May-20 08:32:30

Lizbethann55 I understand how you feel. I have shed more tears this past week than in my entire adult life.

I had found an inner strength from somewhere for the first 8 weeks that helped me cope. But in recent days it seems to have evaporated and my head is a jumble of worry.

My overriding worries are about my 2 AC and 4 GC and what the future holds for them. Their health, financial security, GC’s education etc

Then I try to remind myself we are all currently in good health and have a roof over heads and not everyone is so fortunate.

I hope you have just hit a short lived rough patch and will soon be back on track ?

Rosalyn69 Wed 20-May-20 08:39:00

I do hope you can pick yourself up. It must be a horrible feeling. The Black Dog is always lurking in the shadows ready to pounce. He visits me often.
I have no advice but send virtual hugs anyway to anyone who is feeling low today.

BlueSky Wed 20-May-20 08:39:16

I feel a lot better now some restrictions are being lifted and we can see by other countries that life will return to somewhat normal. I take a lot of encouragement from these signs while at the beginning I was in despair. Even a walk in a different area helps a lot to lift one's mood. So there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Liz46 Wed 20-May-20 08:39:37

We were feeling like that yesterday evening so got Youtube on the tv and binge watched Micky Flanagan (with glass in hand). We both had a good laugh.

Marydoll Wed 20-May-20 08:44:01

We have all experienced wobbles, feeling hopeless, it's nothing to be ashamed of, Lizbethann55.
Your will find many on here, who feel the same. Please don't think I'm unsympathetic, there are times in the past, where I have been in a very dark place and needed help.

However, it's how we deal with the current situation that is important.
Do we wallow or do we decide what we can do to make life more tolerable at the moment.

I read all the positives in your post:
A DH who cares about you.
Nice home
A job
You see your grandchildren a few times a week.
Reasonable health or you would be shielding.
You can get out for a walk.
Retirement to look forward to, if you decide to embrace it and enjoy the benefits it brings.
Things will get better for you, just hang on in there.

For those of us, who are shielding, won't get out in the foreseeable future, have had medical treatment postponed, in poor health and unable to enjoy the freedom retirement brings, can't see our grandchildren and have to rely on others for food deliveries, life is not so rosy.
However, I have learned to look for the positives, albeit the small ones, otherwise I would become severely depressed.
I am still alive that's what's important!

Why don't you read the Black Dog Thread on here, you will find lots of support.
I hope things get better for you.

Lilypops Wed 20-May-20 08:45:20

Lizbethan You aren’t alone with theses feelings of futility, I had a very bad day yesterday. I just woke up with this black cloud of doom hanging over me, I just couldn’t shake it off, I was tearful all day ,nothing would shake me out of it ,
It,s the feeling of another day of the same old same old , life passing by , not being able to see my family and Grandchildren ,how much longer will this awful pandemic continue to rob us of our normal life as we knew it , I am frightened to go out other than our daily walk ,
But today is another day , I am lucky I am not ilI have a nice garden to sit in with DH. So really I should be thankful. It’s just that some days it’s all overwhelming.
I hope you have a better day today Lizbethann ?

dragonfly46 Wed 20-May-20 08:46:47

I felt just the same yesterday- hoping for a better day today.

Sunlover Wed 20-May-20 09:01:40

Some days I feel just the same. It’s like I’m getting out of bed and just passing time waiting to go back to bed that night. Luckily these days don’t happen too often. Much better now as things relax a little and it’s possible to meet up with one other person in the park.

Alexa Wed 20-May-20 09:19:02

If you are feeling really low your first action should be to look to your physical health.

Are you dehydrated?

Need to sleep?

Eating decent food with minerals and vitamins in it?

Recovering from a viral infection?

Marmight Wed 20-May-20 09:22:06

I feel the same.
I’m very tearful too. A friend (just 50) died last week. Diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and gone in less than 6 weeks. I’m up one minute, down the next.
I try to see all the positives. House, garden, fantastic weather, all my family safe & well. Yesterday I drove for the first time in 8 weeks. Car needed a service. It was a surreal experience and having yearned to get out I couldn't wait to get home where I feel safe & secure. Animal instincts will out. Having adhered to all the rules & requirements almost to the letter,I am beyond angry with some local parents, who should know better, allowing their children to mix since day 1 and indeed, blatantly socialising themselves. (Degrees in medicine, veterinary, law etc. apparently make them ‘special’ & immune from the Law & don’t = common sense)
Lizbeth I think most of us feel as you. Knowing that life will never return to normal as we know it but a new normal, is daunting. I like many others am alone. Be thankful you have company, even if you have to share him with Marx ?. This too will pass...

MawB Wed 20-May-20 09:30:59

Not everything has an underlying physical cause, *Alexa although it may.
I know exactly where you are coming from Lizbethann.
Retirement (or impending retirement) should be up on that list of factors which can indue stress and depression along with bereavement, moving house, divorce, etc and now lockdown and the ramifications of Covid 19.
Combine any two or more and your tears are easy to understand.
The things we are being deprived of under lockdown are among those which make retirement the joy it can be, good health permitting. The freedom to pursue your own interests or hobbies, to go to the pub or eat out, to travel (remember that?) to play an active part in your grandchildren’s lives if you want and to be yourself.
I wonder if anybody on GN can say, hand on heart, that they have not felt like crying and crying?
This too will pass flowers

Sheilasue Wed 20-May-20 09:34:26

When we retire it takes time to adjust. At the moment your getting a temporary retirement with lock down.
So this gives you time to decide what to do when you do retire.
I have things that I do socially and my times at home for doing (apart from housework ironing laundry etc.) reading,
Listening to music and watching tv or pottering in the garden.
My dh is waiting to see a consultant he needs a new knee, appointment was changed from March to July so we shall see
What happens. He has taken to singing more and he hasn’t a
great voice so I am putting up with it and the radio is on so it drowns it out a bit ? don’t go down the road for depression make the most of your time.

Jishere Wed 20-May-20 09:37:29

I feel low at the moment. I'm on my own, haven't seen my daughter or granddaughters only video call. Just been told we are back to work full time, instead of shorter hours which has pushed anxiety up. It's like ploughing through mud at the moment.
But on the positive side I started renovating the garden, I'm able to finish my degree with no distraction and I'm going to buy a sewing machine and take up sewing.
There's very little advice I can give except grab the positives there staring you in the face.
Even some of these youngsters who are whinging haven't got a clue what's round the corner, and lots of healthy ones haven't made it.
Everyone is facing a tough time and just got to make the best of it. Take care.

Tabs Wed 20-May-20 09:37:30

I feel the same too. I am working from home but I am getting so depressed about sitting in front of my computer every day and wondering what on earth to do with myself. Listening to you, I couldn't help wondering if you really want to retire. Perhaps stepping down to part time work might help you with this transition. It is so hard, at the moment, to separate how you will feel in the real world and how much this isolation is impacting your true wishes.

albertina Wed 20-May-20 09:37:32

I felt the same this morning and couldn't stop crying. Nothing in particular started me off, just a blanket of gloom all over me got to a pitch where the tears came.

I went onto the BBC films section on my tablet and found a film called Bringing up Baby with Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant. It actually made me laugh out loud.

Comedy is my definite solution to it all. It won't solve the problem but it lifts my spirits enormously.

Would I lie to you is another bit of comedy medicine that helps me.