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Worried about daughter lack of support during pregnancy and birth.

(13 Posts)
Mary0 Fri 22-May-20 13:03:37

Hi, my daughter moved to Bristol a couple of years ago when she met her partner. I live in Ireland so I haven’t seen her since January. We are on the phone to her ever other day but I don’t feel that’s enough support. This is her first birth and of course I’d love to visit after the birth but I don’t know when we can travel out of Ireland. She hasn’t made many friends yet so is fairly isolated. I am encouraging her to join mother baby/ breastfeeding groups online but who knows when they will be meeting in person. Is anyone else in a similar situation?

Maggiemaybe Sat 23-May-20 09:14:31

Hi, Mary0, and welcome to Gransnet if you’re new. smile

There are several of us on here who have had or are about to have grandchildren born during lockdown and yes, even if we live close we can’t support the family physically, which can be a worry when other support services are now just available remotely as well.

It’s cute and funny, of course, when you see photos of your grandchild being weighed on a chopping board balanced on the kitchen scales, but it does make you wish they could just push the pram to a baby clinic as we used to and get any little niggles and worries sorted out.

When is the baby due though? Restrictions on the midwife and health visitor teams may ease somewhat over the coming weeks/months. At least now mums on maternity leave can get out of the house more than once a day, even arrange to meet up in a park with someone from outside their own household, albeit at a distance, if they have someone to mind the baby. A bit of fresh air and seeing another face (not just on a screen) can work wonders.

Has your daughter enrolled in an NCT class? My DD managed to fit some in before lockdown and the last two were via Zoom. Not ideal, but better than nothing, and it’s a chance to “meet” other people in the same position.

Best wishes for you and your family.

Mary0 Mon 25-May-20 16:45:09

Hi Maggiemaybe, thanks for your reply. The baby is due on 2 July, so a bit to go yet. Yes she has enrolled in a prenatal class via Zoom. She is finding that a good support and is getting good advice about what to expect during labour etc..

At this stage she has been told that the dad can stay for the birth but he must leave after when she goes to the ward. My daughter is taking a certain medication so the baby has to be observed over night following the birth, so they will both stay in hospital for the night. Fingers crossed it all goes well.

As you say hopefully she can meet other mums in the park for support. It’s all just a new way of living. It is strange we are all in it together but kept apart. Hope we can all get to see our families soon.

Hithere Mon 25-May-20 17:01:20

She will be fine. She will do great!

Trust her. She will find her routine when baby is here.

Do you want her to worry about your worry? I bet not.

paddyanne Mon 25-May-20 17:03:51

Many of us grans will have had babies without support back in the day,2 of mine didn't have their dad present at the birth ,he was walking the corridor.We managed and I'm sure your daughter will too,women have been having babies since time began ,she is in the fortunate situation where she can still have face to face contact with you online and thats something we never had .I'm sure all will go well with the delivery and that she and her healthy baby will go home and msg you all the time .When you do get to meet baby it will be an exciting day so enjoy your new grandchils.Wishing your daughter a quick and safe delivery and a contented baby

Hithere Mon 25-May-20 17:52:39

Is she still with her partner?

If so, she has support.

Maggiemaybe Mon 25-May-20 19:21:03

Many of us grans will have had babies without support back in the day

My experience was completely different, paddyanne. It must have been very difficult for you.

I certainly had visitors (lots to f them) while I was in the post-natal ward, regular midwife and health visitor home visits in the weeks after the birth, and a baby clinic up the road that I could pop into.

I didn’t realise things were so different in Scotland.

Maggiemaybe Mon 25-May-20 19:21:37

(lots of them)

paddyanne Mon 25-May-20 19:41:47

I had two prems in the mid 70's and late 80's no father allowed in the room first time for a ventouse delivery which failed then a high forceps ,baby died.Second time was an emergency c section where I had a general anaethsetic again he wasn't allowed in.To be honest I was too worried about what was happening to notice who was there and I certainly managed fine on my own it wasn't difficult at all ,I only had my own worries and grief to deal with

paddyanne Mon 25-May-20 19:43:46

sorry ,the last baby was in SCBU for 10 weeks so he and I spent most of the day together but I was sent home at 6pm

Maggiemaybe Mon 25-May-20 20:11:31

That’s very sad, paddyanne. And I’m very sorry that you didn’t get any support at all after going through so much, even though you say you managed without. I found my midwife and health visitor a great help in the early weeks.

A gran on another thread says that her daughter has been sent home from hospital for safety reasons within 24 hours of a section, while she was still unable to walk or lift her baby. I feel sorry for that family.

At least my daughter had 2 days in hospital after her section to get feeding established and to ensure she was starting to heal. I still wish I could have helped her out though, and I think that’s a natural reaction for a mother.

Maggiemaybe Mon 25-May-20 20:26:30

The good news, Mary0, is that I’ve sort of met my new grandson now - from a 2 metre distance, of course, and no cuddles involved, but I’ve seen him. Things are easier now the restrictions have eased slightly, and I’m sure they’ll be even better for you and your girl by July. flowers

mcem Mon 25-May-20 20:30:24

Maggie I believe Paddy is speaking of her own difficult and personal experience and did not in any way imply that this is a normal experience in Scotland.
Mayo a friend's daughter has just had her first baby, a c-section at 41. Plenty of support with husband at the birth.
All well and now home. Best wishes to all of you.