Daughter at her wits end!

If Dominic Cummings can do it, why can't anyone else do it?

Luck daughter you’ve got.... two kids WITH HER, husband WITH HER, my daughter handed her kids over to her husband ( separated) 11 weeks ago because she’s in ‘sheilded’ ...she has no garden...no balcony ... no nothing! She’s been in her own all that time with just her thoughts about every time she sniffle...coughs....has a headache. ON HER OWN. She’s got a friend who drops off groceries, and passes a few minutes through the window. She da W times children . And your daughter has the gall to say she’s at wits end. I’m at wits end worrying about my daughter... my grandkids who can’t touch their mum...and what her relationship will be with them when she’s finially let out. She CANT go for a walk. All she does is open her window. I’m sorry if it’s harsh .... but she’d bite her own arm off to have physical contact with her kids ...e en just a hug. I have no sympathy left when I hear my daughter crying on the phone.... only for her!

Flu! Really? I can't believe that some folk believe it is flu. But then some folk believe the earth is flat! It is wonderful that we have people more expert that the world's most eminent scientists on here to explain the situation to us!!
As you can tell I am really shocked about the suggested rule breaking going on eg encouraging hugging and the risk that it imposes to the vulnerable. There are people waiting to get cancer treatment but due to the virus are not getting it and in some cases it will be a death sentence and yet people would flout the rules and in turn stop these vital services restarting. As a general comment I would say you have to think of the whole community and not be selfish.
I understand why some people are saying if you haven't been anywhere then you are ok to meet up with others but if you start to do that and show that example then others less isolated from the virus will take the risk and then a resurgence will occur. Please think of everyone and not just yourselves. I would love to see my GC but am sticking to the rules to save lives.

Just use your own judgment in your own particular circumstances and you will do the right thing.The ‘rules’ don’t exist now. We are not schoolchildren. We are capable of assessing our situation and weighting up the risks and making an informed decision

It seems to me that those of us that live alone are coping with isolation much better.
However, I think it’s very clever and very selfish of the husbands/fathers to shut themselves away from the family. OK, they are working, but a ten-minute break wouldn’t hurt, and would help the mothers.

Sofiasnana. Go to your daughter and grandchildren immediately, don’t delay. You have been isolating, so have they so the health risks are minimal whereas the emotional and mental risks are high and can be alleviated with the human contact (and a mothers love) she is craving at the moment. I lost my only child due mental health issues, nothing and if I were so lucky to be able to make a decision as you have to make today, I wouldn’t hesitate. Best of luck and hugs to you and yours. X

Thank you for all your suggestions. My SIL does help out when he can. He is a great dad. My whole point is that after 9 weeks of being shut in the house and garden, with a walk round the block every day, the children are going stir crazy! They need contact with other children (not through a screen!). Anyway, its a very emotive subject. But all experts say the only way we could be 100% sure of eradicating the virus completely, would be to stay locked in for a year. This is obviously impossible, so we need to work out the best way to live some sort of ‘normal’ life while staying safe.

I think OP should STAY AWAY for now then (if scottish rules are changing soon) and advise her daughter to first- talk to her husband, and try reach an agreement to see if he can take a break in the day, to help take over the kids, either with their learning or just to give them lunch or something so she can have a break- also, quit the habit of letting older child stay up till his parents go to bed- all adults need child free time, and most kids are 'scared & worried' about this - but he obviously has found a way to play on this to stay up late- she must be insistent on this as otherwise he will still want to stay up when he is back at school as well!(trust me I've had this with my youngest- he's now 17& still tries stay up all night!) She can be patient with him & bring bedtime forward bit by bit (half hour earlier every couple of days?) But must be insistent- make him a warm milk or cocoa if he likes it,read him a story, or just a chat to help allay his fears,then tuck him in.keep taking him back & repeating the chat,tuck him back in.tell him its his bedtime.keep doing this till he gets the message- what was he like for settling to sleep before all this?He needs to get back to a bedtime routine.Then your daughter will have time to have a breather- take a long soak, read a book,have an early night,or spend time with her hubby,eat a meal together,unwind,have a chat, etc. It needs to start with the kids- maybe if elder one has more sleep he'll be able to do some studying? And yes,get out in fresh air when you can- even a garden.look at bbc bitesize for learning tips too.

And is more fun than a sofa.

It would be cruel to confine a young dog with no means of exercising its body. I hope your daughter and son have money and can afford

www.amazon.co.uk/Childrens-Climbing-Sport-4-240-Equipment-Fitness/dp/B082D7KMWD?pf_rd_p=cef74d37-7935-5025-9be0-73601503be7d&pf_rd_r=PYTP75CFAFZ443131JSQ&pf_rd_s=merchandised-search-11&pf_rd_t=BROWSE&ref_=s9_apbd_omwf_hd_bw_bUmCnf&tag=gransnetforum-21&pf_rd_i=454779031

It cost less than a sofa.

Your SIL spending so much time shut away won't be helping. Could he not take some time out during the day to help out. Most employers are tolerant and allow breaks some even appreciating workers cannot sit all day doing tasks a d even shorten the day as more work seems to be produced when home working. Your DD can go out now as often as she wishes and can drive to places for enjoyment too. If there is any quiet places about she can take the kids to play games run about, have a picnic. The rules have changed as long as social distancing continues.

As a homeschooler to my 10yo, now 27, I found doing something fun, physical and practical early in the morning was better. He was then ready to sit and absorb. He taught himself a lot on the computer.

I actually didn't 'do school' or act like a teacher, but joined an unschooling group online, American I think, but very useful in helping me understand that children learn ALL THE TIME, not just between the school hours of Monday-Friday.

I did use a maths tutor (a young man younger than my son studying to be a doctor). My son passed with A*. He went on to college to study computer gaming and passed all his exams, top of the class.

While this was going on he was diagnosed with Crohn's in 2007 and has been quite ill since.

I'd visit my daughter in a heartbeat..I'd gladly pay any fine...

Those of us who are working are all going to have to take our annual leave this year and not go away on holiday, so the best solution would surely be for your son in law to take a week off work and help out your daughter, he must see she’s struggling?

Oh how my heart goes out to you! This could be my eldest daughter. She an extremely competent and loving mum with two boys aged 4 1/2 and 1 1/2. Days were,as usual structured and filled with activities. Husband is working from home in office at bottom of garden and plays a fair role in helping with boys. Until a week or so ago I was getting increasingly worried about her wellbeing as the situation was so similar to your daughters,she craved just a small amount of me time. She lives 2 hours away so all I could do was be on the end of phone or video chat and send supportive messages do story time on video. Her and her husband communicate well fortunately. In the past week or two the boys are settled and getting along and as a result she is calmer and happier. The eldest could go back to pre school nursery but hes happy to stay at home and she doesnt want to throw everything in the air for the sake of a few weeks. As we are used to hearing this is an unprecedented situation and everyone is coping as best they can,it may take months/years for implications for mental health ,especially for childeren to fully show themselves. My youngest daughter has been able to drop off essential items as I am high risk. The positive impact of just a few moments of real time contact, even if from a distance is marked,I always feel better as does she. Good luck and I hope things get better for your daughter. I think the strongest message for everyone at the moment is that it's ok not to be ok,and pay little attention to social media types who have redecorated the house and coached their 3year old through GCSE whilst baking like Mary Berry?

My DD and SIL are both working from home as well as looking after a 4 year old who was in nursery full time while they were in the workplace. Although it has not been easy since lockdown, they have enjoyed the extra time they have been able to spend with GD who has also loved being with them so much. They take turns to work where possible and have managed to take a separate day off to devote to my GD enabling the other to concentrate on work for a long period of time. Granted we are in Jersey and the ease of lockdown started some weeks ago so I am able to go and visit her at a 'social distance'. It still felt strange but it was lovely to talk to them all in person

Gaunt47- i thought you speaking a bit of sense till i read "Give them plenty of hugs"- has the world finally gone truly mad?- theres to NO HUGGING!- What do you think the SAFE distancing is about???

My daughter and her husband are both wfh and trying to home school their two children aged 7 and 9 at the same time. I am so proud of my daughter. She has immense patience but my son in law is struggling with being cooped up at home. My grandson desperately needs the routine of school again. He is beginning to have awful melt downs which he used to have regularly before he started full time school. My granddaughter, thankfully, is coping quite well. Luckily they have a garden and my daughter is constantly trying to do activities with them. Their headteacher has said that there is no pressure to do the set school work. The priority is that the children are safe and happy at home. We are in Wales so I can’t help out apart from keep in touch via FaceTime. I can’t wait till I can have my grandchildren to stay with me again, to hug them and to give them all a break.

Jesus Christ.
No worse than flu?
Mental health?
MIGHT EVEN HUG THEM??
So many people here trying to justify breaking the rules a KILLER pandemic has caused. These atitudes are exactly why the death toll is so high.
Ignorant morons.
Don't bother trying to reply to me, I'm done with Gransnet.

Please can we all behave responsibly? Now is not the time to start interpreting the rules in any way we choose.
I would love to see my children and grandchildren but we will not break the rules or encourage anyone else to either. The sheer number of deaths due to this terrible virus is appalling. The NHS and all the other service industries that have kept going , putting their own and their families lives at risk, for our sakes deserves respect. If we are inconvenienced but manage to stay alive then we should be grateful for what we have. Now please grow up!

paddyanne I agree about the father taking the children out. My DD and SiL do that to give each other a break, even though both are working from home at the moment. Now you can go to a park, they sometimes all go together. It can’t be good for the OPs husband to be sitting at a desk from 8-6.

My daughter has been in a similar position. Husband working long hours and at first she was angry then coped well . And 2 weeks ago she felt she couldn’t cope and was at her wits end. We met her in a park and she talked to the children and we played at a reasonable distance and sat and had a good chat. We were all sensible and no hugging or kisses but that hour made all the difference to her and to me / not worrying so much . We did the same last week.
Being sensible is what is important but mental health more so.

I am not surprised children are pushing the boundaries - it’s like a pressure cooker! Schools have done their best but some kids are overloaded, others spending 7 hours in front of a screen and others given nothing and parents responding as they feel for but worried their children will be behind so lots of pressure
Personally I think a short visit could make the difference
Good luck

I have had to phone cahms about my grandsons mental health , we are waiting for a diagnosis for him for autism/adhd he is 5 so he will be going back to school soon , he gave me a black eye the other day after having a melt down , I no he didn't mean to do it , but, they're is only so much a granny can take , I have never experienced such melt downs , even though his mother my daughter has autism, she is quite , compared to him and she is struggling too , I am waiting on a phone call to see what is going to happen x mental ¹in a adult is hard , what happens in a childs mind , it is so scary x I hope she gets help soon xx

I completely understand. My daughter already suffered from panic disorder and now with the lockdown, a active 4 yr old and a stroppy 15 year old she is suffering. Part of the panic disorder is agorophobia so she cant even go for a walk to get away for a break. She is now spending more time in the bedroom which is so worrying. At least when this lockdown is over she will get visits from therapist (i hope)

If you've all been in quarantine all this time. Haven't met up with other people, then go and visit! No one will have it. It's all completely crazy and everyone seems to have lost their common sense.