Daughter at her wits end!

I am delighted that people are being sensible and showing their care for others by sticking to the rules.

Few people need to work 8am straight through to 6pm, as someone else mentioned, are they doing their fair share in parenting.
No one is expected to be a teacher loads of people won't have completed the school work but all the other things being enjoyed count too.

This isn't for ever and this isn't any old flu. I too have children and grandchildren I would love to see. One will have turned from baby to toddler while the rules are in place. I wouldn't be encouraging anyone to be giving lots of hugs.

My OH is a key worker and we will be being very careful as there is the possibility that he could be in contact with someone infected and I would hate to pass this to one of my family.

No, I'm not at the end of my lockdown tether. But, I can see how some may want to return to normal. Certainly everyone is allowed to their own opinions.

tatt then you are very very wrong .My daughter is confined to bed most of the time ,she has three children and a husband who normally works away 12 out of 14 days.They're all doing fine ,sticking by the rules and getting on with schoolwork and home learning .Thankfully Dad is home ,he normally works away 12 out of 14 days

.Even though he's home he has a stack of things to deal with ,contracts to cancel and new ones to arrange .This is the first time in years I can go to bed knowing my daughter has support on hand and I wont get a call at 2am to take her or her son who has bad athsma to hospital ,that entails a trip of almost 40 miles to pick them up and a trip of 60 miles to get them to the nearest A and E .
I know very well that life is difficult...what the OP was talking about was a normal family who cant cope with looking after children or setting boundaries for them for 12 WEEKS not several years like my daughter does .The children normally do a lot of the caring when we're not there.

Apologies paddyanne, if someone has already made this point regarding your comment along the lines of if parents can’t look after their children, why have them. I haven’t read through all of the posts yet. You seem to be in the fortunate position of not knowing anyone who has become ill or sustained life-changing injuries after they’ve had children. I wish I could say the same.

Hi Sophiasnana
I haven't read all the posts, I can only hope my advice was helpful and you have come to a solution or have already seen or going to see your daughter.

There is a trick I learnt whilst on here, not to read all posts because it turns into a battle of words and often negative commentors like to get the last word in and they don't often bring value to the original post as the thread goes off in a tangent.

Take Care and have a nice day.

Sophiasnana, I don’t think that it helps that the media keep telling us how dreadful it is for the children and how much they are going to be harmed and scarred for life by this disruption to their lives.

Parents must feel that if they aren’t super parents then their offspring will never amount to much and will be bedevilled by mental problems forever. What a burden to shoulder.
No doubt some will have extra problems but most won’t.

There were also positive and encouraging things said recognising how hard it is to be home schooling and working from home.
However some of those have been ignored.

Janieuk, thankyou for your kind words. As you say, nobody on here knows your own circumstances. A lot of people have said very nasty and personal things. We are all entitled to our opinions, but lets remember to be nice to each other!
And YES. I wish I had never started this post. It was meant to be a general ‘my daughter is struggling, how is everyone else coping’ kind of post. Turned into a political rant for some people.

But aren’t we all reaching the end of our lockdown tether? And if we all decided just to up and go out, visit grandkids and hug them etc the past 11 weeks may well have been for nothing ?

Everyone has to do what they can live with , I shall be staying home and waiting however impatiently for the rules to be relaxed .

I’d rather we all survived that. Gave in to a short term fix.

Just my opinion of course.

Do what you think is best for your family. When Bojo grows a pair and says we can all go out now, the virus will still be around. We will be just as vulnerable as we have been at the start, so what’s the difference?

Wow Sophiasnana, I bet you wish you’d never started this! Whatever happened to ‘be kind’?! People obviously have very strong feelings about this but my advice to you is do what you feel is right and sensible for you and your family. The majority of the population have followed the guidelines and are continuing to do so, but all situations are different and individuals need to do what is necessary to keep their families safe and also support their mental wellbeing. As you so rightly say, no one knows anyone else’s personal circumstances. I’m sure there are many people who will be put off posting on here for fear of being shot down in flames!

I couldn't cope with not seeing my grandson so we arranged a meet up in a park area that wasn't blocked off. I had to.hug him for me. I figured while I was at risk with my immunity we had all been in isolation for a long time. This is in.New Zealand. We are now at level two and not far off level one. I was determined we would not catch it so.followed all the other rules carefully. Everyone is going through this all over the world. I think a visit is what you all.need.

Thank you Bluecat for your very lovely words. I don’t think my daughter and husband think they’re brave, I think they just think they’re doing their jobs. I was desperately worried about them at first, especially when they didn’t have sufficient PPE and they were doing intimate examinations, but they do have PPE now, and I’ve got used to it and don’t worry as much.

I simply do not believe what I am reading here. Yes of course being at home with young children is not easy but neither is being on the front line in hospitals and care homes, being ill with the virus, losing loved ones, not being able to be with loved ones who are dying or attend their funerals, having your cancer operation cancelled or treatment delayed, being made redundant when there is little chance of new jobs soon etc etc etc. So, although a challenge, looking after you own 4 and 9-year-old is not the worst of what people are facing right now. There is a huge amount of support and ideas online of things to do in front of and away from the computer. Some ideas are listed here. Families all over the country are tussling with this and work but they have to make that effort to make sure that the NHS is not overwhelmed and that things can get back to normal asap without a second peak of infections.
@Gaunt47 of course these lockdown rules are having a detrimental effect on our society in all the ways I have listed above and many more but looking after your own children is not one of them. It is a privilege that many are appreciating doesn’t happen at times when both parents are working and children are at school, nursery etc.
You say “Incarcerating healthy young people is cruel. The regulations are unenforceable. Social distancing is unnatural.” Asking young people to stay at home is protecting them and others, the regulations are enforceable but any sensible, caring and responsible person will do it for the better good. Of course social distancing is unnatural but it IS necessary.
Great to say “Tell your daughter to get outside in the fresh air with husband and the kids, not long walks but activities.” But please DON’T give them plenty of hugs. @Scotpiper is right.
@Gaunt47 this strain is not disappearing and following the irresponsible behaviour these last few weekends there will inevitably be another spike and we will be back in lockdown. The only way out is with patience. Despite what you say about those who are shielding you seem to forget that those who decide they can return to normal now are those who endanger those who are more vulnerable.
We could have all gone on as normal with the idea of herd immunity with tens of thousands more deaths – that could still happen if people don’t continue to social distance and stay at home whenever possible. Listen to @ElaineI and @Luckygirl and @paddyanne, listen to the medics, watch Hospital on iplayer. @FlyingHandbag please do the same. The lockdown has been more severe in other countries. This is NOT just flu. Your children are adults and can cope with their children especially if they don’t feel that a bail out is round the corner from you.
I have simply stopped reading responses because of the lack of responsible attitudes from too many and the selfish attitude of ‘I will do what I want to do’. I'm appalled.

Oldjude - That's true, you could isolate for months and still catch it and die in the end. There are no guarantees. I think, though, that you have to do the best you can to minimise the risks - to your family, your community and, of course, yourself.

You don't want to break the rules, catch it, spread it and be the cause of other people's deaths. You certainly don't want those others to be your children and grandchildren. Would you ever forgive yourself?

You may be able to live with the risk to others, and you may feel prepared to take your chances. (I will admit that I am frightened. I was in Intensive Care two years ago and the memories still haunt me.) But how would your family feel if you died? Worse still, how would they feel if their hugs had passed on the virus that killed you?

As for the number of deaths, there are apparently 60,000 "excess deaths" for this time of year. It is likely that many are due to the virus. That's also the number of probable coronavirus deaths according to the Financial Times - and, as someone said cynically but truly, they tend to be accurate with statistics as they have business and money in mind.

I agree that it is going to be a long time, probably, before we are safe. Our way of life may be changed forever. Some people will try to be careful but they will still catch it, and maybe die. But surely we should all do everything we can to keep as safe as possible and to protect other people?

Sophiasnana. I'm sorry you have been driven away by certain posters, when you came here looking for support.
Even if posters don't agree, there is a way of offering an opposing opinion, with resorting to nastiness.

All you wanted to do from what I can gather, is to visit and sit in the garden, observing social distancing, which is what many on here appear to be doing already.

Your daughter apparently lives very close to you, within walking distance. A walk there could count as legitimite exercise.
There was no need need for posters to villify you or your family, when they know nothing about you or your family's circumstances. Therefore for the grace of God go I!
God knows what some people are suffering just now.

I don't understand how, as some posters say, you are going to risk anyone's life, if you are only meeting in your daughter's garden, keeping well away from her and having no physical contact at all.

Did I get it wrong and you plan to ignore social distancing on your walk and hug everyone you come in contact with?

I don't know what has happened to GN. There are so many angry and judgemental people on here, unable or unwilling to try and look at situations from a perspective other than their own. Some compassion wouldn't go amiss.

I hope you manage to see your daughter and set your mind at rest.

Hetty58, I started a completely innocent post on here about how my daughter was finding lockdown hard at the moment. I then said I wanted to sit in the garden with them (which BTW is allowed!). It has turned into a complete witch hunt, with you and other people judging me and my family.
I will be deleting my gransnet app.

Sophiasnana, you miss the point being 'surprised and upset at how judgemental some people on this forum can be about someone elses situation'.

It's not just someone else's situation, though, is it? It's risking illness and death for all the contacts (and their contacts, and so on) of the life you put in danger. I'm very judgemental about it.

Ignorance indeed, cupcake1. Some people will make endless excuses to do exactly what they like - until reality finally hits them.

Those ignoring the rules are just like drunk drivers speeding around - endangering their own lives - but also the lives of others. It's socially unacceptable and an insult to those of us (the majority) taking great care.

May I just add that at 4, children cannot be as self-starting as those already in school and the older children look at their younger siblings “playing” and not unreasonably object to having to do schoolwork. It is very very difficult to split yourself two or even three ways which is why school children are not in primary classes encompassing this age range!
Perhaps they should give up on trying too hard Sophiasnana - is homeschooling worth spoiling a good relationship between parents and children?
There are “educational “ (More or less) activities children can undertake around the home and garden which are no less valuable than fronted adverbials!

Sophiasnana I am sorry your D is struggling in these exceptional circumstances. TBH I have been amazed at the fortitude and patience and indeed resourcefulness of the many young parents presented with no alternative.
It is very hard to be parent and teacher rolled into one - good cop/bad cop and from my own experience when they were younger I remember how our children could be unspeakable monsters at home yet get glowing reports at school
My eldest D is in a similar position I think to yours - 3 children, 10, 8 and 5 and a husband with a high powered job who, when he is working from home is definitely working
That is not to say my other SILs are “not” working but they are able to be more flexible and split the day with my daughters. Added to that eldest D also has to go into school on a rota basis (probably a welcome rest!) as she is a secondary maths teacher. To cover these days SIL has taken 2 weeks unpaid leave spread over the period of lockdown , a day at a time . (Dare I suggest it also gives him an idea of the daily slog? )
So it’s Joe Wicks first thing, 2 hours school work, a break and snack then another hour or 90 minutes, then lunch then outdoor activities. TG for the recent weather and their big garden.
What is working well is the support from the various WhatsApp groups these women belong to. Children can have Zoom conversations or play dates or quizzes etc.
I have also been impressed by how enterprising they all are whether it’s Zoom yoga, “Gin by the bins” out front on a Friday evening, or street disco on Sunday morning or socially distanced coffee mornings, it has all helped the mums feel less isolated and keep their sanity.
I do hope your D gets that sort of support from her friends too, frankly living on my own, I wish I did!
As mums our instinct is to parachute in and help out but do you know what? The sad thing for me is that while I am sure I would be welcome (but way too far away) they are actually coping well, they are all grown up women and despite the financial worries lockdown brings my younger daughters, (one in the theatre with no work at all this side of 2021 and the other who is caught between maternity leave and a not yet starting a new job and so ineligible for furlough,) they have never really let on how hard it is.
I take my hat off to them!

Can we try to be kind to each other and not personally attack each other please? We are all entitled to our own opinions and I thought thats what this forum was for. It seems not.

Sophiasnana

My DH and I have very high stress demanding jobs and 2 daycare aged kids we take care of while working from home.

My family is not the exception, we are the rule.

It can be done. Not easy but we chose to make it work.

Your daughter and son in law need to coparent. He needs to man up and stop hiding in the bedroom.

Mimismo. He is not ‘locking himself away’ !! He has a high powered stressful job that he is trying to hang on to. He Normally spends lots of time with his kids.. dont be incensed, you know nothing about their situation.
And blue25, these are hardly normal times! Its not like they can stroll along to play at the park, see their friends etc.
You are obv a grandparent, and have never been in this situation as a mother!

I’m astonished that so many parents are struggling to look after their own children. It really shouldn’t be that hard!

If you have food, your health and a safe home, it really shouldn’t be such a hardship.