breaking the rules, or not

I'm not a professional, but unless your daughter and her partner have additional needs I'd have said th a t you are 'loving too much'! Whilst I understand your being so physically involved for the first few days, I'd be very uncomfortable your spending the day, all day, every day.

You are not this baby's parent, the baby has 2 parents. I think most of us have had sleepless nights for weeks at a time when our children were babies, it's part and parcel of being a parent. To me, you have confused your role and however well intentioned, you have now started to take over as mother for this baby, during the period when they should be bonding.

Please be a gran, offer to help, but step back, get them to talk to their health visitor or GP as others have. Suggested, the all night crying may be any number of reasons, let the professionals take over.

And maybe there are other things that you could do to fill that void that you must feel now that your daughter has moved on to the next stage of her life.

I would either go and stay or take the baby to yours, sounds as if your daughter is getting the baby blues. I think this would count as exceptional circumstances. Colic is awful for everyone and could be because the mum is exhausted and stressed.

It is allowed to enter someone’s home to provide essential care. I have a friend who is visiting her mother twice a week and her great aunt once a day as they have no care workers at the moment because social services are so stretched and are having to appeal to relatives to help and prioritise those in need who have no relatives. We have seen from the lady whose daughter is a health visitor that health visitors services are also being affected. I would say that you are visiting your daughter to provide essential care in these circumstances and this is a recognised exception to the ban on entering other households.

Well I can only speak for myself and I wouldn’t think twice about it I think some people are ‘following rules to the extreme’ Go and help your daughter
My firstborn had terrible colic I was living in a country thousands of miles away knowing no one I had no help from her father and I was totally at the end of my tether it went on for 8 months even now I look back and wonder how she and I ever got through it
Good luck forget £1000 fines, you will be fine

What a kind grandmother, afraid it is so hard to see them struggling. As posted before I agree that it is worth your daughter speaking to her midwife. It could be reflux and also a vicious circle of tired Mum and fractious baby picking up each other's emotions. Such sensitive little souls, they pick up stuff like sponges. A couple of rest days, sleeping when the baby sleeps, not trying to wear knickers over her tights and a big S on her chest, being a Supermother, and talking quietly to her baby are all ways to try. Babies need reassurance that their world is safe. Rest, food and rocking and putting the midwife in the picture is what I can suggest but not going from home to somewhere with different sounds etc. away from Mum and Dad.

thank you all for your responses. Always difficult to paint a full picture in a short number of words, but I very much appreciate you all taking the time to respond. many thanks, best wishes to you all, and stay safe. x

Our granddaughter was born in March and is extremely colicky. She cries a lot and sleeps badly. DD and partner are exhausted. Normally, I would go round during the day and have baby for a few hours so they could get some sleep. That's not possible now and I feel really guilty.

They are trying to deal with it by taking turns with sleeping and childcare. It's not easy, as they have 2 older kids at home plus DD is doing work online, but they do get 3 or 4 hours of undisturbed sleep each. Better than nothing, but it's hard to be unable to help them.

Even if going into their house wasn't against the rules, they wouldn't allow it because they are always scared that I might catch the virus. I am the most vulnerable member of the family. I think the OP has to consider any possible risks to herself. Sounds selfish, but her DD's depression would be considerably worse if her mum got sick and died.

I think in this case needs must, to hell with lockdown and for the sake of family break the rules. The welfare of your daughter and grandchild is far more important than the very slim chance of catching Covid 19

A long time ago our eldest suffered severe colic. It was solved very quickly by a chiropractor who gently manipulated our son. He had been born via a forceps delivery was out of alignment. The baby didn't cry but the colic receded quickly and never returned. I know with the present situation that doesn't help but it might do when things improve.

wouldn't worry about breaking rules.Lots of very good advice on here. Lucky daughter to have a Mum like youPink houseGirl.

If it was me I would just do it rules or no rules. If they take you to court, which I doubt you could always use the Cummings rule as a defence. You are using a parents instinct to protect your daughter.

I would question if the baby has colic at such a young age, or whether more likely as another poster has mentioned, either a dairy intolerance, or tongue tie. My third daughter's first son had an intolerance that wasn't diagnosed for 5 weeks, by which point she was almost on her knees with exhaustion and very depressed even with no lockdown and lots of help from the grannies. Within a few days of her cutting out dairy things settled down. Her second son was born this February and she decided to go dairy free straight away, but he had similar symptoms, and turned out he was tongue tied. As soon as the tongue was snipped - a very simple process - he was getting more milk each feed and settled. As the mum of 4, with 6 grandchildren I would suggest that colic doesn't occur by 2 weeks, so a heath visitor discussions over other possibilities is definitely needed. If you are there to help with all the practical things so that she can sleep when the baby does sleep, or you can take it out for a walk, then that's just as good. She is luck to have you to call upon.

Pinkhousegirl: In your shoes I would do what is right for my daughter and her baby. It is exceptional circumstance and a very public precedent set just a few weeks ago. Do what you know to be right as a mother and deal with any fallout with determination. As to fines - as once said to me 'they' cannot have what I haven't got!

I spoke to my daughter about this who is a Health Visitor & she said ordinarily you should tell your daughter to speak to her Health Visitor, if your daughter is unable to do this the partner should do it. It may have to be by zoom as most offices now have only one health visitor doing rounds in PPE the others are office based or have been re-deployed onto the front line of the NHS fighting Covid 19. This is likely to change in the next few weeks when they will be trying to get back to their Health Visiting roles.
You should definitely not take the baby to your flat unless you intend for your daughter to move in with you for more than 3 days.
My own comment is what about her partner?-I understand that you are desperately concerned about your daughter's well being but they are new parents together who need guidance and I am not sure stepping in at this early stage is the correct thing to do. You can't keep doing that. Not getting any sleep goes with having a new baby and it is important that they sort out how to handle it together. Of my 9 grandchildren 3 have had tongue ties that once this was sorted out became different babies- see a Health Visitor!

I'm a bit confused - how could you take the baby and feed it? Is your daughter expressing enough milk to do that?

The OP posted this at 17.30 yesterday and hasn't been back to answer any questions, so difficult to get any further till she does?

I wonder if there is another reason for the baby's crying? (Just a suggestion, don't bite my head off!)
Many people don't realise that new babies very often suffer from withdrawal symptoms after birth. If the mother has been taking regular medication, or is a smoker, the baby will have shared that while in the womb. As soon as they are born, they are suddenly deprived and suffer while their bodies adjust.

If you had posted on here before you started popping over to your daughters everyday you would have been told firmly you couldn't go at all. I just hope you are not travelling on public transport. All new babies cry at night and you certainly should not part a new baby from its mother. As you are going anyway send your daughter off for an afternoon rest.

Just looked on the Internet. Playtex do the collapsible bottle liners with special bottles. They are not cheap but if you look on Amazon you can get them cheaper.

Your D should be getting help with her 2 week old baby from either midwife /health visitor. As hard as it may be for you on no account should you be visiting while your grand child is so young and vulnerable .

Mother the new mother so she can concentrate on mothering her new baby.

If your daughter is breastfeeding try to get someone to check the latch.

In some communities new mums don't do anything other than look after the baby for the first six weeks. Perhaps your daughter could take to her bed for a while with baby, nappy stuff, cushions, magazines, snacks and drinks.

Mummy could also try taking dairy out of her diet for a while to see if that has an effect.

It's a very difficult time for you all. Sending best wishes.

Pinkhousegirl, when you say you have been going every day to see her, do you mean you visit her in the flat to help out? If so, I think you are already breaking the rules, so staying overnight wouldn't make any difference as far as a fine goes. There is a lot of sensible advice on this thread already, but I would say that if nights are the main problem, then that is where your help should be focussed. Maybe staying over for a couple of nights (our next door neighbour had her mother staying for a week just before she had her baby a couple of weeks ago) so that they can both catch up their sleep. Sleep deprivation is the worst thing when you have a young baby to care for and just makes everything so foggy! I can remember it well, crying on the landing at 3 o'clock in the morning and asking my husband "Perhaps my Mum could take the baby for a few days?" Of course, she didn't and I'm glad that she didn't. We found that with our first, who had dreadful colic almost from the start, that changing the type of bottle helped enormously. We got those ones with the collapsible, disposable plastic bags in to rule out any excess air being sucked in - I don't know if they still make them? It was a long time ago! Just to say I completely understand that you are anxious for your D and GC but I would also enlist the help of the GP or Health Visitor if you are seriously worried.

Pinkhouse girl. You sound a very sensible and level headed person. Do what you think is right for your daughter. My understanding is that these are guidelines not rules.

First of all get something for the baby's colic as my son had this condition after birth and I had hardly any sleep. I took him to the doctors. Was given drops or bottle of liquid to put few drops in baby's mouth. I think it's called Gripe Water. I ended up myself with post natal depression as was breast feeding for weeks and lack of sleep and in the end my husband had to call a health worker who came to the house which I think was booked through the gp/doctor.

The risk, if any, is already there if OP is going to the flat daily to help out so, I don’t think that if she were to stay overnight, it would be more dangerous.

As has been said, I am pretty sure this would be seen as exceptional circumstances and acceptable, as long as OP goes nowhere else except her own home or baby’s home.