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breaking the rules, or not

(67 Posts)
Pinkhousegirl Sun 07-Jun-20 17:30:51

my daughter's baby is two weeks old and already suffering terrible colic. She is living with her partner in a small flat, and I am about 5km away, again in a flat, though slightly larger. I go every day to see her, and help out as much as I can, but the main problem is the nights, where neither of them are getting any sleep. I have offered to have baby here, with or without my daughter, simply to give her a break, but she says we are breaking the rules and will be liable for a £1500 fine. Frankly, I think this is unlikely, and, like her, I have been assiduously following protocol during lockdown. She is becoming more and more depressed, and I am beginning to really worry about her. Would be helpful to know what others think, many thanks.

lemsip Sun 07-Jun-20 17:38:37

Do not take the baby out of the home! you would be breaking the rules as I'm sure you know really!

Kate54 Sun 07-Jun-20 17:38:56

I think that would count as exceptional circumstances and, particularly as lockdown is easing somewhat, an overnight stay or two would be the ‘common sense’ way forward. If it made your daughter feel better, she could always get the GP, midwife or health visitor to give the plan their blessing - in writing if necessary - which I’m sure would be forthcoming. Good luck.

MerylStreep Sun 07-Jun-20 17:42:06

I wouldn't think twice about it. I bring the baby home to me and let mum get some very needed rest.
If anyone dare threaten me with a fine I would take it to court where it wouldn't hold water.

Gill66 Sun 07-Jun-20 17:43:03

I agree with you, I don’t think you would get into any trouble.I would insist on having the baby with you. When I had my first baby my exhaustion led to chronic depression, which lasted 6 years. My mother was frantic with worry, but she lived in Britain and I lived in France- travelling was expensive at the time, and a lot more difficult than nowadays. I would have given anything to have her near to me-she understood my depression, and to be able to sleep and recuperate would have helped me enormously.

lemongrove Sun 07-Jun-20 17:49:52

I agree, it comes under the heading of exceptional circumstances really, either go and live with them, have them stay with you, or take the baby to give DD a break.
Where do you live, France?

EllanVannin Sun 07-Jun-20 17:52:47

At 2 weeks old a midwife would be the first port of call as they're usually on visits up to 6 weeks after the birth. Much as this is worrying all round it's still best for everyone to stay put.

Meanwhile make sure the baby is getting enough milk as if he/she is still hungry this can cause it. If so, just walk around nursing the child and have some music or background sounds going on to soothe it.

Fortunately they do grow out of it so not always a long-term thing.

25Avalon Sun 07-Jun-20 18:07:29

If baby is only 2 weeks old they really need to be with their mum especially if breastfed. Are you sure it is colic and not acid reflux and/or dairy allergy? My DD had this problem with both of hers and was constantly up most of the night. It could even be that baby is tongue tied although this should have been checked out but is sometimes missed and won’t be getting enough feed.Best to speak to the midwife or health visitor for some expert advice.

Jane10 Sun 07-Jun-20 18:14:03

Only 2 weeks. You really can't take the baby away from its mum. Midwife or Health Visitor should be assessing the situation and advising.
If you're round at DDs house during the day anyway why not pack her off to bed then for a couple of hours. Sleep doesn't always have to be at night.

Namsnanny Sun 07-Jun-20 18:14:12

What a lovely Mum you are! smile
I take it the baby can be bottle fed? I agree with you and others.
Babies and children suffer the least of all of us (if at all according to research) from c19 or passing it on to others, so IMV the baby alone is not at risk.
Things are changing with regards to the 'rules' every day.

Your daughters situation needs your support now.

She's a very luck daughter, I'm envious of your relationship with her and the baby.

The very best of luck to all of you. flowers

Namsnanny Sun 07-Jun-20 18:22:37

Yes I agree the midwife should be spoken to. But she wont be able to actually help at the crucial times.

I'm betting Mum has tried everything, including walking around with baby and music playing EllanVannin, but I get the impression that the situation is way beyond that now.

SueDonim Sun 07-Jun-20 18:36:04

I think it’s a really bad idea to separate mum from baby. Having both mum & baby would be better but I’m not sure what the rules are where you live.

If you’re already going to the house in the day, why not allow the mother to go to bed and sleep then? You can either look after the baby or she can have a ‘baby moon’ where she and the baby are settled together in a bedroom with food, drink & entertainment on hand for mum and she can be close to the baby whenever she wants.

If you think this is a serious depression as opposed to ‘baby blues’ then I think you need to get professional input.

I hope things settle down soon.

MawB Sun 07-Jun-20 19:05:31

Taking a 2 week old baby away from its mother?
Are you serious? What about the importance of new parents bonding with their baby?
Bottle fed babies can be even more prone to colic than breast fed, but from what you are suggesting I take it your daughter is mot breast feeding.
Can’t her partner take his turns pacing the floor with their baby.
I think it is a really bad idea for grandma to attempt to “solve everything” in this way by taking her baby’s mum’s place.
Perhaps a Health Visitor or community midwife might sanction mum and baby staying, but a colicky 2 week old baby is not that unusual if he/she has not yet established feeding.
Why not go over and take the baby out in the pram to give you daughter a break, say in the afternoon so that she can have a nap?
Is her partner still on paternity leave or back at work?

MissAdventure Sun 07-Jun-20 19:18:31

Two weeks isn't even long enough to have established a routine, I'd imagine.
Swooping in and taking over isn't going to help.

Kate54 Sun 07-Jun-20 19:37:46

Apologies if I implied separating mother and baby - absolutely not. I meant grandma staying over or mum, baby and dad staying with her. Whatever works best

Curlywhirly Sun 07-Jun-20 19:56:13

Well I would offer to stay overnight (even if it means sleeping on the sofa; one or two nights a week is bearable) and then you could do the night feeds and give the parents a rest. I would class it as exceptional circumstances if your daughter is getting distressed. After the Cummings fiasco, can't think that anyone would report you anyway.

suziewoozie Sun 07-Jun-20 20:20:00

This isn’t the UK is it?

Jishere Sun 07-Jun-20 20:39:05

Pinkhousegirl what a difficult situation you are in. Your poor daughter. I think as there as been special circumstances written into the rules isn't this classed as one of them?
Is there anyone professional you or your daughter could ask like healthcare assistant?
Personally I would risk the fine if it meant my daughter could get some well deserved rest and recovery from given birth.
I wish you all well. And please don't read all these comments written here otherwise you will be wondering why you asked in the first place.
Take carex

Callistemon Sun 07-Jun-20 20:42:08

My first DC had dreadful colic and after 1 month I was on my own as DH had to go overseas with work for months and DP had gone home.
I'm sorry for your DD but I remember that I just had to get on with it and try to soothe this poor little baby who was in distress. Bottle feeding did, in fact, solve the problem in the end. The midwife or health visitor may advise.

MissAdventure Sun 07-Jun-20 21:05:58

It's normal for babies to cry, surely?
Nothing exceptional about it.

NotSpaghetti Sun 07-Jun-20 21:06:23

It's 2 weeks old! Just tell mum to sleep when the baby sleeps.

You can help with the cleaning and chores but please don't interfere with mum/dad and baby.

Is this baby breastfeeding? Or bottle fed?

Callistemon Sun 07-Jun-20 22:44:26

I think a baby who cries because she or he is hungry, needs a nappy changed etc is normal and can be settled again, MissAdventure but a baby who suffers from colic is difficult to soothe and it is distressing knowing what to do to calm them. I know from experience!

I think the advice of a health professional is best rather than baby being taken from the mum, which may only make matters worse.

please don't read all these coments written here
Does your comment mean you are qualified to judge other posters and their valuable experience?

gillybob Sun 07-Jun-20 22:51:40

Pinkhousegirl I am going to be looking after my 2 year old granddaughter again for 1-2 days from next week (as I have done since she was born) . My DD has been forced back into work or else have zero pay . It’s not a decision I have made lightly and I have not been talked into it either . It’s just the right thing to do .

Callistemon Sun 07-Jun-20 22:59:05

It is in your care gillybob but perhaps in this case mum, dad and baby need to bond.
Doing practical things like washing, cooking etc would be helpful and allow them to concentrate on the baby but baby needs her/his mother. Mum can sleep when the baby sleeps.

Callistemon Sun 07-Jun-20 22:59:30

In your case, sorry.