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Funeral restrictions

(26 Posts)
Missfoodlove Tue 09-Jun-20 22:18:23

Have any of you out there attended or arranged a funeral under the current restrictions?
If so, please let me know how it went and if you have any advice regarding the arrangements.

cornergran Tue 09-Jun-20 22:55:52

A local Funeral Director will be able to advise you missfoodlove, there may be regional variations. I’ve been told that in Somerset 20 people are now permitted to attend and as there will be space have been invited to a friend’s funeral. Most crematoria have facilities for remote sharing of a funeral, again I am sure the Funeral Director can advise. People I know who have attended in this way advise joining early. I’m sure others will be along with more comprehensive advice. Wishing you well.

Missfoodlove Tue 09-Jun-20 23:06:52

Thanks cornergran, I am liaising with a funeral director, it’s the finer details I’m interested in such as hymns with a few people readings, eulogies with such a small audience.
It feels very odd.

rosemary55 Wed 10-Jun-20 09:44:17

My husband passed away on the 12th April, aged 66, from cancer, only 10 were allowed at the funeral, only a hearse was allowed, no limousines, lots of neighbours and friends were outside the house and along the High Road his work colleagues lined the road and each one laid a rose on the hearse, very emotional. The funeral could be watched on a website, so that enabled everyone who would have been at the funeral to watch as far as Australia and Spain, I have that to keep forever, which I probably wouldn't have thought of in "normal times" I will have a memorial/celebration of life when I am allowed.

Helen2806 Wed 10-Jun-20 09:48:22

We attended a funeral that was streamed live on you tube. It was very well done. Not the same as being there but very well done nonetheless.

midgey Wed 10-Jun-20 10:05:14

We had an unaccompanied cremation, with a Zoom service for the family. Not at all what I expected to happen. I have to say that the service conducted by someone that actually knew my husband was funny, touching, and very personal for the family. A huge comfort at such a weird time.

rosemary55 Wed 10-Jun-20 10:09:05

Missfoodlove, do everything you would have done for a "normal" funeral, we still had Order of Service printed, gave and sent them out, the celebrant spoke about my husbands life for over 30 minutes, still had tunes played on entrance, reflection and exit, we didn't have hymns or prayers (but wouldn't of done anyway), My son did a reading for his Dad, also as it was only 10 people we took the grandchildren as it wasn't so overwhelming with hundreds of people being there. Do everything you would have done in normal circumstances, don't have any regrets later and feel proud of what you have achieved x

Bluegrass Wed 10-Jun-20 10:16:10

I am a fully trained funeral celebrant. Usually, a celebrant can help or advise with the various decisions such as music/reading choices. If a celebrant is not available through the funeral directors then I could provide you with a simple order of service example so that you will know what happens and when.

Albangirl14 Wed 10-Jun-20 10:23:12

We have watched the services of two friends recently on video.
What I thought was important was that friends and relations who could not be there had their names mentioned and in one case a familly friend read the words of the daughter of the man who died was lives in Australia. Also could include messages from condolence letters. For me the saddest part was that no one could hug the wife of our friend at the end she walked out 2 meters from the few people allowed.

Cosy50 Wed 10-Jun-20 10:28:43

First of all I am sorry for your loss, having to arrange a funeral at this difficult time.
We had to organise a funeral for my brother and only 6 people were allowed to attend.
We had to drive behind the hearse so we picked up the wreath from outside his home and some people who couldn't attend the service stood socially distanced outside whilst the hearse went past.
We had his favourite music at the beginning and end of the service and his favourite hymns. Music was piped over the singing so you didn't feel like you were singing on your own.
The Celebrant read the tribute and did a very good job. Family and friends were able to watch the ceremony online, which they said was a comfort to them. We emailed the Order of Service out to everyone and printed out our own to use on the day.
It did feel strange and quite surreal , especially not being able to have a wake afterwards, but we are hoping to do that when we scatter his ashes as you aren't allowed to do that at present.

Twig14 Wed 10-Jun-20 10:30:53

I arranged my fathers funeral just after Easter. I had to say my final goodbye to him via an iPad which was heartbreaking. I had him buried n only 10 immediate family members allowed to attend. No church service, no hymns allowed to be sung due to emitting vapours. No touching the coffin and on arrival the coffin had to be lowered straight into the ground. Flowers were a problem but I managed to get some. I had his coffin draped with the naval ensign as well as he was in the navy. The undertaker told me not to hang around after the service but that created a problem as many friends n relatives turned up and tried to get to the car to speak with us but with social distancing was a concern. One nice thing arranged by the Vicar was to record on his mobile phone two hymns which he played at the graveside during the short service. Sadly I can’t get out of my mind the way I had to say goodbye to my father. I console myself that I’m one of many that have had to go through this. Take care

MawB Wed 10-Jun-20 10:39:43

Helen are you sure the funeral was streamed on YouTube ?
That is an open access website and not what you would choose for a private ceremony.
I have “attended”. 2 streamed funerals from a crematorium but both were via a website called obitus and I was sent a login, a link and password on each occasion. It was only available for a few minutes before the beginning of the ceremony and for a few minutes after the family had left. In each case there were two hymns, clear social distancing and about 8-10 mourners.
It was handled very sensitively and my initial fears about feeling intrusive were unfounded.

Saggi Wed 10-Jun-20 10:49:36

3 friends and an uncle have died during lockdown.... two funerals online ... others still waiting. Two possibly 3 died of Covid 19. Ask the funeral director of choice he will have all up to date , relevant information.

missdeke Wed 10-Jun-20 10:54:06

When my mum died in April just short of her 100th birthday her funeral was strange, not what she would have wanted at all. However 10 of us attended and it follwed a normal pattern. The celebrant spoke as did my sister and brother, I could not speak as I knew I would break down, however my daughter learnt a Swedish folksong (my mum was Swedish) to sing on my behalf and this was particularly beautiful.

My nephew lives in Australia and another daughter lives in Spain so were unable to attend but were able to watch via video link.

Coppernob Wed 10-Jun-20 11:26:12

A good friend of mine, who was also my daughter’s Godmother, died very suddenly a couple of weeks ago. Because of the restriction on numbers, only her close family will be able to be at her funeral next Monday, but it is being live streamed on Obitus. I know watching it on the iPad won’t be the same as being at the service, but it least it will be better than nothing at all. And it means that my daughter, who lives Italy, will be able to ‘be there’ too, which otherwise wouldn’t have been possible. What a strange time we are living through.

Caro57 Wed 10-Jun-20 11:54:49

Funeral Director will guide and support you. I attended a SD cremation service last week - it went very well and the FD were excellent in their empathy

susz Wed 10-Jun-20 11:57:54

I attended my sisters funeral yesterday in Sussex. There were about 18 friends and family. The funeral directors arranged everything and social distancing was in place. They also provided a live webcast for others, my daughter from Australia 'attended' the service as did other friends who were unable to attend funeral due to health/shielding issues.
We will have a larger get together when things are better with a party my sister would have enjoyed.

Missfoodlove Wed 10-Jun-20 12:03:51

Thank you everyone, my mother was a devout Catholic, her priest knew her well so I’m sure he will be able to make it more personal.
It just feels as though I’m doing a paupers funeral!!

Aepgirl Wed 10-Jun-20 12:56:20

I have watched the funerals of two friends by video link as because of restrictions only 10 people were permitted to attend. Both funerals were 30 minutes long, with readings, prayers, and a short eulogy. In both cases I felt that the funerals were dignified and personal, and an improvement on what some funerals are nowadays with endless poetry readings, eulogies, memories, etc.

JuliaM Wed 10-Jun-20 12:59:56

My Dad died a fornight ago, and as an only child, I am now responsible for organising his funeral. It will be nothing like we always imagined it to be, no Church service as all Church of England buildings are Closed to the public. Only very close family are allowed to attend the Graveside service, and a maximum of 10 people to attend, including the Pall bears and Vicar.
No wake, due to the social distancing rules, and the fact that his Grandaughters have separate homes and households of their own, so cannot gather indoors if it turns out to be a wet day.
The best we can hope for is a celebration of his life with a nice gathering at a later date, once these restrictions have been lifted, which the Vicar has informed me that the Churches are working towards for the end of July as far as funerals are concerned.
I have however learned of one Vicar down in Suffolk who has air Services touring the local streets around where the person lived with a horse drawn Cart, and stopping outside the deceased persons house with a public address system to conduct the service to any neightbours who happened to have gathered on their own doorstep!

NotSpaghetti Wed 10-Jun-20 14:11:54

I read a beautiful piece online a few weeks ago about holding a funeral in these times, how the family was only allowed (I think) six people to be there. They said it was the most intimate personal funeral they had ever been to. The celebrant knew the deceased and the family felt they had unexpectedly had something quite precious.

They had the funeral streamed to wider family and friends and intened to have a celebration at some point in the future.
Maybe you could take inspiration from the idea of intimacy. It indeed sounded quite profound and special - like a birth in may ways.

I hope you find a way through this that is comforting for those left behind, and in some meaningful way, recognizes the loved one who had died.

Bluecat Wed 10-Jun-20 15:13:39

My MiL's funeral was streamed on Zoom, which worked very well as it meant that relatives in Canada and Australia could also watch. Only 10 could attend and they had to sit far apart. The only bit where they broke the rules was when the coffin went, and they all forgot about social distancing and crowded round.

I thought it was actually an improvement on the usual fuss, because it was very simple and heartfelt apart from a bit of waffle from the priest. That's just me, though, I like simple and genuine compared to a big show. In-laws feel differently and are planning "a big send-off" when lockdown ends. I feel she has already been sent off, but it's their mum so I am saying nothing.

So I wouldn't worry about a small, socially distanced funeral. It can be quite moving.

WoodLane7 Wed 10-Jun-20 18:57:15

I recently went to the funeral of a neighbour. It was a cremation, 3 people per pew (dots marked where you could sit) max of 15. It was a lovely service

Kim19 Wed 10-Jun-20 22:54:47

'Attended' cemetery funeral of a friend on Monday. Totally unaware of the actual rules but decided to hover around the gates fully prepared to be turned away. I counted sixty people (guesstimate seventy) all well spaced around the cemetery and yet well able to hear the vicar's words. All departed quietly and reverently without socialising. Found the experience extremely moving and gratifying.

Shropshirelass Thu 11-Jun-20 09:19:09

I am just in the process of arranging my uncles funeral (he was 93). He didn't want a fuss or anyone to attend! However, he is having a little bit of a send off geared up for him. We are allowed up to 10 people at the crem and 15 outside. I think there will only be about 6 people there, family live too far away to travel for a 20 minute goodbye and no wake afterwards. Two members of the family and two friends are having to shield too. It is what you do for them while they are here that matters, funerals are really for our own benefit.