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Helping our daughter and husband with new born

(42 Posts)
Walsing Sun 28-Jun-20 20:30:05

Hi everyone. Our grand daughter was born three days ago and our natural instinct is to give them as much practical help as possible but of course this is restricted by the virus. Do we have to wait two weeks before we can see them in case our daughter picked up the virus in hospital. What are the guidelines? I'd really appreciate some advice.

Illte Sun 28-Jun-20 21:02:06

The guidelines say keep your distance. See but don't touch?

Me, I'd be paranoid about any risk of infection to a newborn.
Having been in contact with an unwitting carrier last month I have to tell you the stress of waiting to see if the virus has been passed on is tremendous.

But some people would say a cuddle's worth the risk.

Risk taker or risk averse? Only you and her parents can decide.

MawB Sun 28-Jun-20 21:20:39

There are other ways you can help without visiting them in person.
A fortnights worth (or more) of Cook! Frozen ready meals for instance- I gave my youngest DD and SIL £100 voucher for them to use as they pleased as their freezer is not huge. (The idea came from one of DD2’s friends who bought them the same when she had her baby.) It went down well!
A supply of nappies or baby products, or the offer of laundry or ironing perhaps (pick up/leave on the doorstep) Or paying for a cleaner.
Many new parents want to be by themselves for the first week or two anyway.
Better to maintain your distance for a little while, the two weeks will pass very quickly.
And congratulations! ???

MawB Sun 28-Jun-20 21:23:09

But some people would say a cuddle's worth the risk
Personally I would never do anything which might endanger a grandchild, especially not a newborn. It seems the height of selfishness as well as downright stupid.

paddyanne Sun 28-Jun-20 21:56:11

Tell them you're on the end of a phone if they need advice and that you'll be available when life is more normal.I'm sure they wouldn't want anyone taking risks they dont need to.Congratulations on the new baby you've got many years ahead to spend with her and enjoy her company ,maybe now isn't the time

welbeck Sun 28-Jun-20 22:38:29

you need to keep your distance,
because of the virus, and
because GPs being intrusive or trying to be in the first weeks
is one of the main causes of tension, upset, resentment, even NC. beware, wait to be specifically invited to do anything.

GrannyLaine Sun 28-Jun-20 22:54:02

One unexpected outcome since lockdown is anecdotal evidence that newborns seem to be regaining their birthweight faster. My midwife colleagues think its probably related to visiting restrictions so that feeding establishes more quickly. In your position Walsing, I'd just ask the parents what you can do to help from a distance.

V3ra Sun 28-Jun-20 23:08:19

GrannyLaine that's interesting!

Personally I really enjoyed the six days in hospital when my three were born in the early 1980s.
Plenty of time to bond with the new baby and establish feeding, professional advice on the ward any time you wanted it.

Our other children were brought in for an hour's visting in the afternoon.
The sighs of relief as they left and the ward hostess brought us all a cup of tea and piece of cake... ☕??

Illte Sun 28-Jun-20 23:14:56

With you 100% MawB.

But there's been several threads we're grans have said I know that hug was wrong but it was worth it.
And some of my friends as well?

Summerlove Mon 29-Jun-20 00:33:36


One unexpected outcome since lockdown is anecdotal evidence that newborns seem to be regaining their birthweight faster. My midwife colleagues think its probably related to visiting restrictions so that feeding establishes more quickly. In your position Walsing, I'd just ask the parents what you can do to help from a distance.

That’s fascinating! I wonder if they will study that.

Certainly easier for new mums without having to worry about entertaining extending family!

Oopsminty Mon 29-Jun-20 00:59:53

I'd give it a while!

When I hd my 3 I didn't want to see anyone for a fortnight.
Nothing to with any virus I just shut us all off from the world.

Parents and in-laws were fine about it.

As has been mentioned, you're very easily contactable and ask for some pictures of your new baby!

GagaJo Mon 29-Jun-20 07:22:26

Why not just register for a test, so at least you know you're clear? Doesn't resolve the risk for you from them, but at least you'll know you're not inadvertently passing anything on.

Grammaretto Mon 29-Jun-20 08:14:22

How lovely to have a new baby in the family to love but ofcourse you can't cuddle yet. You aren't alone.
Thankfully you can see and hear on video.
I agree about too many visitors being an obstacle in the early days. When our #3 was born at home DH wasn't nearly as good as matron at keeping the hordes at bay.
Visitors who overstayed were a waste of sleeping time.

bongobil Mon 29-Jun-20 10:34:15

I agree with some of these comments, very interesting regarding the babies gaining weight. A friend of mine's son and partner had baby boy end of March at the beginning of lockdown and she told them they had been given the gift of time to properly bond with their son which not many new parents actually get! I loved this saying and thought how right she is, even though difficult she couldn't see her 1st grandson.

jaylucy Mon 29-Jun-20 11:01:52

I also enjoyed my week post natal in hospital! The support I got while I struggled with breastfeeding was invaluable - the babies went down to the nursery at night . Not having to cook was pretty good too!
I know that you want to be there for them , as well as see the newborn, but at least with facetime etc you can see her - beyond the problem of possible infection, it will mean that the new mum and dad get to spend precious time with their child - the grandparents and health professionals are a phone call away .
I don't think that the government advice in England at least is allowing people to go inside other's houses, relatives or not (despite what quite a few people seem to think from some reports), so whatever, you need to wait t visit at the moment.

Pinkhousegirl Mon 29-Jun-20 11:19:49

hello. I was in the same situation in May. Hung on for 2 weeks, though it was very difficult. Btw danger is much more to you from virus picked up in hospital than from you to baby. Not that that's much comfort. Hope it goes well, eventually. x

sandelf Mon 29-Jun-20 11:28:44

If I could have had peace and quite while baby was new - how much easier routine and sleep would have been. Best present you can give her is some time alone. I'd just let her know that because of the situation, you will not be visiting until GC is (I'd say about 6 weeks) and then, you will distance when you do visit. Send her some flowers or a shop of luxuries/instant meals once a week or so with a cheery note. This really is a time when 'It is not all about you'.

Gwenisgreat1 Mon 29-Jun-20 11:29:49

Congratulations on your new grandchild! From my memories my MiL came to 'help with No.1 DD, with FiL, I'm afraid they just got in the way! FiL seemed to spend his life in the toilet (there was only one in those days) MiL was criled with arthritis so unable to do much. My DM came for 2nd DD, she was very colicky and cried a lot - my DM thought I should be able to switch her off (if only)
It depends how convenient you are to where they live. How about offering to do the shopping? And yes, cooking nutritious meals for the freezer sounds a great idea!

Purplepixie Mon 29-Jun-20 11:32:50

Wait a while and certainly be guided by the parents. I would air on the cautious and keep away. You could go to their house and look through the window but I would wait before the cuddle as it is too risky. Congratulations.

Xrgran Mon 29-Jun-20 11:50:22

You can be in a bubble with the family as a single person I am now doing this with one daughter.

I don’t see anyone else apart from my partner who never leaves the house and garden.

It’s difficult as if you are in the bubble with her you should not be seeing anyone else from another household. I personally would not do this if I was working out of my home.

Juicylucy Mon 29-Jun-20 11:51:49

Congratulations on your new Gc. I agree with lots on here about staying away and letting the parents have there bonding time, with midwife visits etc. The help my DDs appreciated the most was practical, cooking up meals for them to freeze, walking the dog doing the laundry all can be collected and dropped by front door, or sil can collect from your front door. Time is precious to them as a new family let them indulge in it.

grannygranby Mon 29-Jun-20 12:01:41

I agree with Mawb lovely generous offers. Cook are great. All her suggestions were. sunshine

Hithere Mon 29-Jun-20 12:11:46

Easy! This is a no brainer.
Ask the parents what they need

Help is what is requested, not what the helper is willing to do.

Nannan2 Mon 29-Jun-20 12:19:38

Give them space and time to decide themselves whens best time for everyone to see the baby- im sure the death of that 13 day old baby from covid19 has struck sheer terror into the hearts of any new parents or parents to be, so they will all be even extra cautious now.And rightly so.No cuddle is worth that.hmm

Nannan2 Mon 29-Jun-20 12:21:58

Ive just got a new gd a week& a half old just going to wait and see her on facetime and