How are people living on their own coping?

I'm also retired, divorced for 20 years, empty-nester for 10. I know the positive things to do to feel my best - exercise, be grateful, sleep well, get sun, connect with friends and loved ones, etc. If I just stick to that I do pretty good for a person who hasn't touched another human being for 7 months!

Two things really pull me down - reading the news and the fires/bad air here in California. I notice that when I see blue sky on any given day, I feel soooo much better. For six weeks the skies were brown Every. Single. Day. I could smell and feel the smoke in my throat even with towels wedged in door and window cracks.

Between not being able to hug or go outside and seeing the constant political, racial, and pandemic craziness, I have felt pretty unmotivated (still do some days). I watched a LOT of Netflix and Amazon as a result. Last week, I stopped watching and reading ALL news and that has really helped. I do a cursory check of headlines lest I miss something truly important but that's all. Five minutes max.

Others have mentioned the perks of being retired - getting to sleep in, being lucky enough to get to stay safe at home, having time to do whatever one fancies, etc. I'm trying to get back to appreciating all that more fully again. There are so many things I planned to do - write, paint, finish house projects, etc. - and I've gotten very little done. So far, seeing blue sky and ignoring the news is turning that around. Also, I think cutting ourselves some slack and seeing each day as a fresh start helps.

This made me laugh last night and feel not so alone in my "failures" (If it doesn't work, search for "eBay SNL" on You Tube):

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XOUJ4ZTcvI&list=PLS_gQd8UB-hJt1HOKwdn9SaOcy5hHWbZc&index=14

Jillybird I really appreciated your post. So many people think that if you have a husband/ partner everything is rosy but that is not always the case as is shown by the rise in domestic violence during lockdown.
There is no violence in my home but lots of stress and loneliness.
Before COVID I coped by going to various groups and looking after granddaughters 2 days a week. Now I have nothing.
I go for walks, wander around the town and sit in cafes or my car.
I know if I lived alone I would be coping ok. I’d still miss my activities but am ok on my own .
If I didn’t have my children and grandchildren who i see occasionally outside I would not want to go on.

I live alone (widowed 5 years ago) and I am enjoying the slower pace of life and the time to listen to radio/read/email friends etc.

I feel so sorry for anyone who is feeling really depressed. You could try calling the Sliver Line, or the Samaritans who could help.

I think that if you are fed-up because you are on your own and nobody is phoning you, then you should make the effort and phone them!

Madeinyorkshire and Purplepoppies. Feeling so sad for you both. I hope you both know you’re among friends on here. I know it’s not the same as actually having someone to sit and chat with, but we’re always here. Keep posting. I think writing down how we are feeling always helps. Sending love and hugs. ????

I'm going to reiterate my thanks to everyone. I've so enjoyed introducing and being part of this thread. I feel that I've learned from you all and am sending virtual hugs to everyone. Thank you x

What kind thoughtful ladies you are. Good advice given without sounding self-satisfied.

I have lived on my own for the past 3 years after returning to the UK. Prior to this my career took me to such hotspots as Syria, Iraq, Mauritania, Yemen and finally Afghanistan. Sometimes I lived in shared houses but mainly I lived on my own and often out of contact in up-country locations. To be honest, I thrived under these conditions however, I came back home to be treated for PTSD and a few injuries.
Before Covid my situation was starting to improve somewhat. Since lockdown I have to be honest and say that I have definitely regressed. The lack of physical contact and practical support from my sons and their families has hit hard, as has the limited psychiatric support from my councellor.
Fortunately I have enough self-awareness to pull myself up from time to time and stop the slide. One thing that helps is keeping in touch, where possible, with friends I have made in my travels and realising that their situation is far more perilous than mine. I am not faced with the threat of famine, terrorist attacks or war all overlaid with the threat of Covid. This makes me realise that, although I live alone, it is not a hardship.

i live on my own . i write a list of things to be done .on a day that you like ,do nothing ,tea and biscuits and your fav film on dvd. pamper yourself,..... play words with friends on facebook

Squirrel.....I owe you. I re-read what I had written here and then shame/reality took over and I upped and did the chore I've had in mind for days now. One hour; sorted. My joy is now the result. Whoever said virtue is its own reward knew what they were talking about! However can't find much virtue in procrastination.

Interesting thread and I’m glad it’s just not me who rises late in the day, which doesn’t stop me dropping off in front of the tv at night. Frankly, without lockdown I would never have tackled some of the clearing I have done since my husband died as I’m not a ‘house’ person and pretty undomesticated. My health is dicey, so I do a bit then read etc. only problem, getting going again! I’m not missing company now, which I did at the beginning but I don’t like how I don’t bother much about my appearance, I loved dressing up, just for the fun of it.
My cat is asleep on my lap and she certainly doesn’t bother about jobs waiting to be done, she has the art of Zen off to a T.

MadeinYorkshire and Purplepoppies I don't know what to say really, but please keep posting. Life really is sh*t at times and it can't get much worse.

This is such an interesting thread, thank you squirrel. I've been on my own for 15 years. At first, when Covid came, I found it hard not being able to travel. My neighbour and I moaned to each other about having to stay put for three weeks. We laugh at ourselves now. After that I hunkered down quickly and have actually enjoyed my time at home. I do a lot of crafts, watch TV a bit, read, lie on my bed and watch films (bedsit plus a craft room is my living space), potter on my patio and occasionally get a bus to a nearby town, but not often. I have small grandchildren who visit regularly so that's lovely. I'm very grateful for my state pension, which I live on, and am so glad I don't have to worry about a job now. I don't have down days but I think that's because I've had a very tough life and my current situation doesn't compare! It must be tough for those who feel low.

Rosalyn69...think it is the new normal....not living alone but with hubby who is disabled...we have great days and quiet days...our outings are limited anyway....we are just looking at each day as it comes. The list is a good idea!

Summer was wonderful despite the fact that it wasn't even remotely close to the summer I had planned! I spent the majority of it outdoors communing with nature here and nearby parks and had a handful of fun filled, short visits with the kids in the open air- It all sounds nice, right? It wasn't the summer I had planned!!!

I was supposed to move and then pack a one person tent and travel the country- Instead I sat in one place, spent hours traveling Google Maps and watching YouTube videos of various locations- It saved on gas ..

I am also retired as a child care worker and have lived alone for a long time. I am 62. I do find this time challenging and I have some health issues too due to being a diabetic that I can't seem to get much help for during this difficult time. 3 days a week I drive to my son's house to take care of my granddaughter who is under 2. I have been doing this since the mat and paternity leaves were up but now my son works in his home office due to COVID. I sometimes find these 3 full days hard with my health but it also helps me keep in touch with them as it is the only time I see them. On the other 2 days I go get my grandson from school (my daughter's son) he is 10 and so I keep busy this way in the daytimes. I find holidays and weekends the worst. I would rather be doing some other things but it is not an option right now and can be depressing at times. I live in Canada.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Purplepoppies

Well as you're asking, I'm not coping at all.
I lost my mum 5 months ago, I wasn't able to be with her. The funeral was surreal. No wake. I'm unable to grieve.
Almost like I'm in limbo.
I live alone. I'm unable to work.
I rarely see anyone.
Im scared to go to the shops (underlying health issues).
I did travel recently to meet with my siblings to sort through my mums belongings.
I hoped that would help me. It didn't.
The travelling and stress has compounded my physical difficulties and really set me back.
Sorry I've nothing positive to say really ?

I am with you really - life has become so stressful due to lack of money and health limitations that I am almost at my wits end to be honest.

I am going into hospital on the 26th to lose a kidney due to cancer, (my 23rd op since 2001) and am having to sell the roof over my head at the same time. I have 2 dogs, my companions in these darkest of days, that I may have to rehome as I cannot afford their insurance policies and certainly couldn't manage to pay the vet anything at all if something went wrong. I am the most unlucky person I know and have had enough of it .... if something happens during my op I reckon I will tell them DNR .... getting up in a morning is hard work, as is trying to sleep at night. If it wasn't for my DGC I would have seen myself off some time ago.

yes it is pricey but the unicorn is big and should take quite a while to make, it is relative

oh my! I have a passion for unicorns (and fairies)
my dil has just introduced me to needlefelting, and once she showed me how to start off, it is quite easy, I am NOT a craft person..

so thank you so much for the link Craftyone... is there a thread on Gransnet for Crafting please?

could you start one? please?

bit pricey, I thought at first, but looking around perhaps it is not!

polnan, I am another who never lived alone until I was widowed, 2015. It hit me a few days afterwards, when my AC went home, when the few dishes were still there to be put away in the morning. Like many others here, I cope because the alternative is to be a grieving heap in a corner. My coping mechanism is to be busy

What is hardest for me right now is the lack of spontineity in what I would like to do.

Lettice wrote:

"I am loving the restrictions. I live alone with most of my family in different parts of the country and previously was always being harangued/nagged by them to keep busy, do this, do that, so now I can chat with them without all that rubbish, as I can just say "Can't, cos of lockdown", and I've abandoned to 'phone contact all those worn out friendships and things I did not really want to do but thought I should"

Me too!

Prior to lockdown I always seemed to be too busy almost to the point of exhaustion. I loved going to the quilting group each week, working my allotment, decorating the house, evening or daytime classes, preparing and leading church services, meeting up with friends for lunch or coffee. But added to that was being an unpaid taxi service (often no contribution to petrol), or printing service, or many other things solely for certain people's benefit.

I have been on my own for 4 years, and I sometimes feel resentful that these certain people even now seem to think that my life revolves around them: people who never contacted me unless they wanted something! I love having a reason to say "No!" (Grump over!!)

At least one family member phones from distant parts each day to check on me, and real friends keep in contact too, or I contact them. I can stay in bed as long as I want - or, rather, as long as the water tablets let me ! I can have meals when I want, spend all day listening to the radio (no TV licence!), watching dvds, sewing, reading real books, and gardening (weather permitting). I've also taken to writing proper letters, not just emails. Currently, I've just started the spring cleaning - extremely early as it will be a very, very slow job this year because of the continuing after-effects of the virus which I had in March.

Yes, I have plenty to do, and am enjoying having the time to do it and at my own pace!

chewbacca I have only done a bit of needle felting, made a fox and a few other things, instructions from a book but really it is a very nice hobby. I have the needles, sponge and merino wool. The bigger animals have a `skeleton` made from armature wire, which is bent into shape. At the end of the day, same with any craft, the pleasure is in the doing and I don`t often keep what I make, apart from clothing

Yes of course pm me if needed

oh gosh, what a wonderful thread, well lets make it human...lol

what a wonderful life encouraging it is for me to read these..

recently widowed, so grieving has entered my life... let alone living alone for the first time EVER in my life,, been a difficult adjustment, but as I said, reading all your encouraging stories here,,,

I think the one most important thing I have heard from so many of you, and pm`s and emailing (for which I thank you all ) is

simply it is o.k to cry! it is o.k. to have a bad day! it is o.k to have fluctuating moods..

it is o.k. to stay in bed (not that I can for too long, too many years of "training" to get up and do things!)

I love you all! and yes, I profess to be a Christian.