How are people living on their own coping?

I think that if you are fed-up because you are on your own and nobody is phoning you, then you should make the effort and phone them!

I feel so sorry for anyone who is feeling really depressed. You could try calling the Sliver Line, or the Samaritans who could help.

I live alone (widowed 5 years ago) and I am enjoying the slower pace of life and the time to listen to radio/read/email friends etc.

Jillybird I really appreciated your post. So many people think that if you have a husband/ partner everything is rosy but that is not always the case as is shown by the rise in domestic violence during lockdown.
There is no violence in my home but lots of stress and loneliness.
Before COVID I coped by going to various groups and looking after granddaughters 2 days a week. Now I have nothing.
I go for walks, wander around the town and sit in cafes or my car.
I know if I lived alone I would be coping ok. I’d still miss my activities but am ok on my own .
If I didn’t have my children and grandchildren who i see occasionally outside I would not want to go on.

I'm also retired, divorced for 20 years, empty-nester for 10. I know the positive things to do to feel my best - exercise, be grateful, sleep well, get sun, connect with friends and loved ones, etc. If I just stick to that I do pretty good for a person who hasn't touched another human being for 7 months!

Two things really pull me down - reading the news and the fires/bad air here in California. I notice that when I see blue sky on any given day, I feel soooo much better. For six weeks the skies were brown Every. Single. Day. I could smell and feel the smoke in my throat even with towels wedged in door and window cracks.

Between not being able to hug or go outside and seeing the constant political, racial, and pandemic craziness, I have felt pretty unmotivated (still do some days). I watched a LOT of Netflix and Amazon as a result. Last week, I stopped watching and reading ALL news and that has really helped. I do a cursory check of headlines lest I miss something truly important but that's all. Five minutes max.

Others have mentioned the perks of being retired - getting to sleep in, being lucky enough to get to stay safe at home, having time to do whatever one fancies, etc. I'm trying to get back to appreciating all that more fully again. There are so many things I planned to do - write, paint, finish house projects, etc. - and I've gotten very little done. So far, seeing blue sky and ignoring the news is turning that around. Also, I think cutting ourselves some slack and seeing each day as a fresh start helps.

This made me laugh last night and feel not so alone in my "failures" (If it doesn't work, search for "eBay SNL" on You Tube):

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XOUJ4ZTcvI&list=PLS_gQd8UB-hJt1HOKwdn9SaOcy5hHWbZc&index=14

i was widowed at 39 and have been on my own since, i am happy on my own, i keep in touch with family by phone or facebook but that is every few weeks, i have a platonic companion that i see some weekends have been doing that for 16 years but not since the lockdown, i am now 58 and can honestly say i am happy on my own

I have been on my own for nearly 13 years. Most of the time l don't mind . But in these times l am finding things increasingly difficult. I have suffered with anxiety and depression for many years . Before my mum died nearly three years ago l was busy looking after her l belonged to 3 different ladies groups went to church U3A l liked and knew the area l lived in. December 2019 l moved into a complex of flats in Sherwood Nottingham city. To be nearer my family to reconnect with friends l made years ago when l was living in the city. I hoped to make new friends to in the complex where l live try new things go to church join U3A a choir fitness classes. Obviously none of this is now going to happen. I wish that l could talk myself out of this state of mind l now find myself in. I can't motivate myself to do anything . This of course makes me feel worse as nothing gets done l'm sitting here in my flat like Steptoes junk shop. I had such plans for my brand new home goodness knows when my plans will come to fruition. Sorry to ramble on just thought l would get it off my chest.

Hymnbook, I think that now is the time to be kind to ourselves.

I do have a list of things that need doing. I don't feel guilty about not doing them.

Instead, I'm dabbling with stuff that I fancy trying out. I stick to easy, small stuff. I knitted a scarf. I don't need another one but I find easy knitting relaxing - so why not?

Last Christmas, I bought a new rotary sander, yet I still haven't tried it and sand things by hand. I've made several bird nesting boxes - simple and fun, easily done!

I like spending time outside, so I often find things to do in the garden. The house can wait!

projects have to be the answer, what else is there? We need something to fill the time, something satisfying, so we can see progression and results. Knitting a scarf, making a bird box, making a needle felted pig, painting by numbers. There are endless things to do, it just needs that initial effort to clear some space and get started

Perhaps start that de-cluttering, rather than letting the clutter build up. A square foot at a time or working from a room corner towards the centre. Just leaving the kitchen sink sparkly before bed, that is uplifting, clearing a chair or a table of stuff

I too need to find projects, now that the garden is ready for winter and my projects this week will be the autumn clean, skirtings and windows etc and a de-clutter from under a spare bed

I cancelled netflix, might have a browse through prime and youtube but have weaned myself away from tv. I will not sit here and wait for my life to disappear with the tv on

Hetty, I have a fully functioning workshop and was a learner wood carver, my group has disoolved and my teachers are out of circulation, the motivation has completely evaporated.

just to add that 5 days ago I bought myself a neat lumie SAD light, it cost £75 from amazon, I see they have put the price up to £90 but shop around. I have just switched it off, I have it on for 30 minutes while I have my breakfast and it is helping keep my mood uplifted and my sleep has much improved. It is lumie vitamin L

I and my two cats have lived alone since my dear husband died 4 1/2 years ago. I am secretary of a local retirement group, now kept going with Zoom and post for those not online. Church is online too.

I stopped sewing when I had to care for my husband who had Parkinson’s and had not picked it up again until friends and family asked for masks. I now have a spare bedroom set up as a sewing room and this very week invested in an overlocker to supplement my sewing machine, so, I do keep busy. I have regular phone calls with my DD and close friends and have also bubbled with my sister, who also lives alone and lives nearby. She runs a company so her free time is limited but, I do see her occasionally.

I actually feel very blessed.

Sad lights, and Crafty One, I looked at the Sad lights, then discovered that if you have cataracts, (I have one) one eye that is... LOL you should not use them...

and yes, reading these threads,, the main problem , as I see it, is the lack of motivation, which to me, means mind.... can`t help it, how does one move out of the mind of lack of motivation? and then of course, lack of energy

The one or two things on the list polnan, I needed my list this morning, I also need to lose weight so am trying to stay active, at least for some of the time. On my list for today, I had `clean windows`, I jumped off my recliner, not at all feeling like cleaning windows but it was on my list, the only thing on my list today and I need to have positive things flitting past me

I did all the insides and wiped the shutters, feeling happy at the two dirty cloths and I almost stopped there. Don`t be silly, I said to myself and grabbed the unger liquid, squeegee, wiper, bucket and pole. Upstairs outside, no not at all, anyway theywere clean after all the rain, downstairs was not. Two hours from start and I swear that my house is brighter, more light getting in. That whole job is done and next time it will be spring. So today has been what I call a positive day, something is done and I can relax all afternoon with a clear mind

Tomorrow my job will be skirtings, just skirtings

It isn`t whether I feel like it or not, I don`t but it is about me obeying the line that tells me what to do and that is what keeps me motivated

craftyone, you made me giggle.. so thank you for that.. I made me go my short walkies, and my was it good..

sun is shining, I scuffled in the leaves, and I did NOT want to go out, having a suppressed ,stress, little tear fall, when I had to make a phone call...

good thread this is...

Very impressed with you Craftyone - making a list and sticking to it! Like Polnan - I've just been for a lovely crunchy leaves Autumnal walk. Very refreshing.

squirrel, a list of one but one gets done, more might not

So I sat down at 12, after making a nice stew to portion and freeze, making sure I eat properly.

Now I want to motivate myself again, its hard to do but it is bright out and I need some outside in me. E bike today, I don`t feel like big hills on calf power

I don't live alone, but might as well. Spousal Unit spends all of every day shut in his study emerging only for meals. Yeah, it's weird but it is what it is ...

I'm coping by NOT trying to make things normal. It helps we are retired with a fairly small life to begin with, so the not-going-out-and-socialising isn't really a problem.

I reckon I am coping OK by trying to see this "different" time as an opportunity. All the clothes mending and alterations which normally sit around for months before I can be bothered to do them are completed.

Lots of general clutter has been sorted.

I am on the way to the whole house being really deep-cleaned (although avoiding painting because that's an Activity of Last Resort!)

Lots of other similar stuff - anything I have previously "not had the time to attend to" is finally being tackled, where possible.

In other words, I'm not trying to live as I used to. Does that make sense?

Maybiteifstartled - I love your reference to your Spousal Unit and also to decorating as an Activity of Last Resort. Really made me chuckle!

so I never did get out for fresh air. The morning passed in a whirl of jobs, I was happy with that. My front tyre was as flat as a pancake and I have done a lot of learning (and spending) this afternoon. It was a bit complicated, involved the valve and thank heavens not the tyre which was a real b***er to put on when I did it a few weeks ago.

I never used to have to sort these things for myself but heyho, it is done and I needed some more maintenance stuff, hence the spending. No bike ride, I need to test overnight or its a long hard push home

I am taking skirtings off my list for tomorrow, I need to treat myself and it is either cake or a low calorie cycle ride. Oooh it is going to be sunny, fingers crossed that my tyre stays pumped. On my list now, one word, cycling

There's so much science about the brain and motivation, now, to back up what you've been saying craftyone. Most things I've read point to action coming first and motivation second. Very true, but knowing that hasn't stopped me from procrastinating anyway. Recently I read (obviously, reading is a way I procrastinate ) that often people who procrastinate are not lazy but practicing a form of "mood repair". I really liked that term and it makes a lot of sense to me. I tend to read, come on here, watch a show, or check out animal rescue videos whenever I feel anxious, down or tired - which is more often these days.

So I start by picking and doing just one thing on my list like you mentioned doing in your post, because many days I'll get caught up in the momentum of that one action and I always feel better doing even one, small thing. If I have a headache or am exhausted from lack of sleep, I may do nothing. I've decided that whatever the scenario, it's OK as long as I've made a conscious decision about it rather than just feeling swept along.

good sense gmarie, it is about the tail not wagging the dog

A**e about face today, so much for metoffice forcast of sun. Rain, wind and grey and exactly the sort of day that can lower spirits. No skirtings today, will not be doing them until I get a crisp day. Got to start as I mean to go on today, no cooking or cleaning, apart from kitchen and en suite daily cleaning

I decided to have a mini pamper today, all that qvc tsv elemis sitting on a corner shelf. I am elemised from top to toe, used an oil spray on my legs and arms, got to look after those, our skin thins as we get older, to the drops of oil I added a few puffs of magnesium oil spray, that worked well. Now my limbs are tingling a bit, telling me that I was short on magnesium, which will help my sleep

I plan to knit a button band for a cardigan today, lush smooth lovely British wool, it slides through my fingers and is tactile and pleasureable. Reading too. A hot chocolate made with chopped 96% chocolate in my chocolatier, christmas present to myself last christmas. Btw their sachets are uber expensive, I now use belcolade buttons from amazon and chop those in a food processor to store in an airtight box

I plan to eat well, to have a couple of treats, the dark chocolate being one. Knit, Read. do a bit of leg turning on my indoor bike. Chat to my siblings, all retired, on whatsapp. Later will do a bit of relaxing pottering, it isn`t work. The cutlery drawer, a bedroom drawer, walk around flapping a duster. Pottering is positive and quite nice with a radio on

Not a bad day here today so another crisp walk for me this morning. Shame about your skirting Craftyone. A bit like my half-decorated hallway - whose idea was that?!!! I'm also waiting for the right sort of day to finish it but as soon as the right day comes along, I prefer to get outside! Hey ho.

Its too windy here squirrel, not safe on a bike, cross winds can push hard. Its been busy so far, not work I might add. I did more bike maintenance, got my tyre back on and than ages adjusting my brakes. I am quite happy with black oily hands

I have ground almonds in my freezer and have found a recipe for `scones` using ground almonds eggs, butter and baking soda. Quick and easy and they are done

My kitchen definitely needs a tidy later, no pottering as I am not looking for anything to do. I haven`t done any knitting yet. Time has flown by, again and it is still a positive day

oh my word, I just saw my weather forecast, grim, dark and rain the whole day.

Got to be aware today, its going to be hard to motivate myself so I am proposing that I do things in varied hops. Pottering is nice, relaxing and at the top of the list. If I cannot find anything to potter at, then I will just do two small drawers, de-cluttering as I go

Scented candle with uplifting scent most definitely needed today. I will light one mid morning

I do have one job and will certainly do a decent clean in the downstairs washroom. The floor, surfaces and skirtings in there, it is just a small job, won`t kill me.

jigsaw, bit of knitting, I am scratching around even now. Might sort my food cupboard in the kitchen, might make a soup

Ok that is enough on my list but pottering is the only one I will write on my calendar, I just need back-ups today

I have been pottering with my food cupboard after a bit of skin pampering again, I hardly never look after my skin and am usually in garden or clothes for workhop stuff, I needed that slow and nice start and have put a cheerful lola necklace on and earrings. I have to stay buoyant for my own sake and I prepped my lunch, to make sure I eat well

Enough pottering for now, I hit that wall, done enough and am enjoying a drinking velvetiser no sugar chocolate

Next is a `forced` job, that downstairs washroom, I will do it and it will take all of 15 minutes. While pottering over the next week or two, I shall be looking out for small things to box for a present for 2 daughters, I already found 2 small tins containing small l`occitane hand creams

I put 70s radio on alexa, wasn`t a good idea, Feddie Mercury songs were on, not the right mood-forming for me. Heck it is so dark, like living in a mole tunnel, I shall have to turn some lights on, they all have daylight bulbs in them