Not included in DS/DIL & GS Christmas bubble

Beachwriter

I guessed the government with its heroic saving of Christmas would cause more heartache for those who were vulnerable to loneliness. Personally, I'm fine - large extended family - but I do feel for those without any human contact.

If OP happens to be real, she is not alone at all. She has a husband....poor chap

Might be time to stop this thread? I personally don’t believe it’s a genuine one. Nobody of our sort of age could act in such a spoilt and demanding way surely ?

I guessed the government with its heroic saving of Christmas would cause more heartache for those who were vulnerable to loneliness. Personally, I'm fine - large extended family - but I do feel for those without any human contact.

So now I have to be jabbed with a unknown vaccine before I see GS. I guess, looking at this post, I will have to take what I can get.
Thanks everyone, especially the people who seem to think I purposefully went round to infect my GS last year.

No-one said you wanted to infect the baby.
We did say that you should have stayed away rather than risk passing on infection.

Even now, you are failing to see your son's point of view.
He and his wife are afraid that they may become infected with covid because of your thoughtlessness and selfishness.
That could easily happen - going by your own description of yourself - so they are wise to stay away from you.

I guess you just have a negative and selfish personality and can't really change that, but at least try to cut out the moaning (like your remarks about the vaccine, above).

You'll be lucky if nannysue is available as a username!

SDuncan you need to ask HQ to change your name as soon as, because you will be recognised if you use your own name and things can get posted in the newspapers etc etc

By the way welcome

I don’t mind having Christmas on my own. Especially this year with the virus still prevalent. Maybe it is just our family but it just causes too much stress. We used to have lovely family Christmases but that has all changed now plus, I have had a few issues with my sister during the last 2 years, she doesn’t like my DH (feeling is mutual) so I have no desire to spend any time with her. My children live over the border and are unable to travel as they have livestock to care for. Maybe I am being cynical with age but I just want a peaceful life.

My estranged son always had his father ( my ex) for Christmas. I have been excluded since he was 25 and he is now in his 40s. However I have always spent Christmas day with my daughter as she says I shouldn't have to spend it alone. My son on the other hand now has no father to have over at Christmas ( died in Feb) so he can get on with it. I'm sorry I don't know what to advise xx

Once our children grow up and, especially once they partner and have children, our tie to them is broken. We can no longer control their relationship with us and the ball is in their court.

Keep acting and feeling like you do now and your children will slowly and gradually distance themselves from their emotionally needy and demanding parent. Let them go, be willing to work to with them towards a happy relationship and they will want to stay close. Your son is now part of two families and life between both is a constant balancing act.

When I was in your son's position DH and I were meticulous in balancing time between our two families, yet my mother stll thought we favoured DH's family over mine.

Now, our DS has DiL's family on the doorstep while we live 200 miles away. I have let DS organise when they will visit etc and as a result we have them down here a lot, and even during COVID, as soon as there slightest relaxation of rules, like this summer, they were with us the following day.

Oops didn't mean to give my name ! ! It's nannysue from now on

Hi Everyone
I,m also a new poster but had to write something after reading your post Pesty One it was so moving + I really admire your strength for still being able to "get on with it" after all life has thrown at you , it sounds like you have a lot to offer + hopefully next year will be a good one for you sending Big Hugs + lots +best wishes for 2021.

I am very sorry that you are upset about Christmas, but I think that you behaved very ill-advisedly last year, when you visited your family twice with a cold, within a short period of tine, despite knowing that surgery was planned.

I developed adult onset asthma after a serious dose of double pneumonia 5 years ago, and the respiratory consultant, a professor, advised me to try to keep away in future from anyone with a cold or a chest infection. If you had come to my house with a cold, I would have gone out, or at the very least gone upstairs until you had left, and so couldn’t cough or sneeze over me!

Before asthma, I would have thought this was a huge over reaction, but the ghastliness of not being able to breathe at times has made me very cautious. The professor said when I told her that my grandchildren have endless colds that it was because school and nursery staff didn’t put enough emphasis on washing hands, and she was right! And yes I do see them frequently but no, not in their very infectious stages.

You said you went twice with the same cold, and are surprised that they now don’t trust you not to take another infection into their house. I think you have a lot of making up to do, with less blaming others for your actions, and (if you are a real poster, and others have suggested that you may not be) I think you could perhaps take a long look at yourself and your quite self centred point of view.

I do very much hope you will have a good Christmas, with many joyful and lovely times with your family in the future but I think you need to be more realistic in your view of what is happening and why. Sorry, this sounds VERY tough, but colds and other URTIs can be so problematic to so many people. ? ? ?

Hi Iam64........parallel universe isn’t in it.

What a strange post ‘Much Ado about Nothing’ springs to mind. During these tragic times, with so much stress and strife, the last thing of importance on our minds should surely be where we have our Christmas dinner! Please with due respect just get things in proportion!

I remember, years ago, my sister tried to rearrange the date and time of a family gathering, to which we'd invited her.

She wanted (and expected) a dozen people to change all their plans as the date wasn't 'convenient' for her!

I had to remind her that, as a guest, her choice was simply to accept or decline the invitation.

grannylancs, I think, instead of feeling 'excluded', you should be very relieved at not being pressured to mix with all and sundry.

Just think of the potential chance of infection (Coronavirus is very highly infectious). Is it really worth the risk?

Also, it's just not polite to try to 'invite yourself' is it? Why not settle for a cosy Christmas for two?

It's all very difficult OP and whatever the circumstances in the past it is understandable you feel left out - that's a natural reaction. However the best advice I was ever given as a new grandma was to button it - to not comment or criticise. I am an only child married to an only child whose Mum was very demanding of our company. To counteract this we always had both sets of parents to us for Xmas Day with our three children. This was obviously relatively easy as there were no siblings to consider. I then always insisted we had Boxing Day on our own. Now we are grandparents we go with the flow of whatever they want to do. This year we were due to have our youngest son join us on Xmas Day for the first time in five years as his girlfriend is working. Previous years they've spent with her parents as they're a couple and it was important they spend the time together. They would then come to us for a get together with our other children and grandchildren when was best to suit all. I am so ready to consider everyone else that apparently my daughter sometimes think we don't bother so you can't win.

PestyOne, I am very moved by your post, and will think about you this Christmas. You have taken the rough with the smooth, and you’ve thought about others along the way. You haven’t asked for or expected anything from others - you have friends who want you in their lives - that says a lot about you.

I hope the house you have inherited, your new job, and when “normality” makes it possible, the opportunities awaiting you in your new surroundings, will all bring you happiness. I also hope your son will one day see that he has a good mother.

All the very best to you x

All this fuss over one day. For goodness sake everyone. Be thankful for any time you can spend with family. Thousands have lost family to Covid this year. They don't have a choice. Count your blessings and look forward. One day really does not matter..... Peace x

Perhaps because grannylancs only invited her son and GS to pop round. That was a bit pointed wasn't it? I think your DiL must be very good-hearted grannylancs to offer to do fake Christmas later. As GPs we really don't have any right of access to DGC, be grateful.

I missed that detail. Surely DIL was included in the invitation? If not, I can see why it might have been declined.

Be very careful OP. I don't make efforts with people who clearly aren't interested in me. If your DIL is the primary caregiver and, as is often the case, the more likely to organise social contact in her family, leaving her out and having her sense she is blamed for things probably won't go well for you in the longer term. It gets tiring and too hard after a while. A little speculation there but something to think about.

'I don't understand why, having asked if they could pop round so you can have "a little visit for an hour", the response has been "that they didn't want to just go and get presents".'

Perhaps because grannylancs only invited her son and GS to pop round. That was a bit pointed wasn't it? I think your DiL must be very good-hearted grannylancs to offer to do fake Christmas later. As GPs we really don't have any right of access to DGC, be grateful.

So you have your answer there. They don't want to see you until such time as a vaccine is rolled out and received. As they are seeing DIL's family before this, this could possibly have roots in the cold leading to surgery postponement issue. Is their child still medically vulnerable? Or maybe they just don't want to risk it because of what has happened before? I think some people have decided to isolate as much as possible until a vaccine regardless of any other reason, so you might just have to accept that this is your waiting time, whatever the reason.

You did offer a reasonable compromise to stop by for a short time. From their refusal I take they are not comfortable coming inside. This probably is because of past history. Was outside an option? Can you post gifts or drop them on the doorstep?

Don't blame your DIL for this. This is a decision her and your son have made jointly.

Waves to Lucca

Try to let it go.It could cause huge rifles if. It carries on.
Spend Christmas with your mum,I think she’d appreciate it.Some years ago my own mum was terminally ill and I had to talk her into coming to my house.I’d have gone there but she didn’t want that.she wouldn’t eat her dinner at the table, she was worried she’d spill it,so I made her comfy in the room adjoining where we were.
It was a compromise. She told me she’d had a lovely time and felt comfortable and included.That was our last. Heist as together
Spend yours with your mum and feel grateful

PestyOne, if you were nearer to me I would want you on Christmas Day and any other day. You have seen the dark side of the moon but my goodness you have a big heart yourself, no wonder your friend would like you with them, don’t shun them, just little steps to let them into your life.