Not included in DS/DIL & GS Christmas bubble

My only son, DIL & only granddaughter live in Canada....havent seen them for over a year & unlikely we will be able to see them for another year (until we & they have had vaccinations)so we will FaceTime & feel very grateful that we are all fit & well. Please be thankful grannylincs that you have family that you will be able to see after Christmas. It is ONE day & not worth falling out over....just plan your day & enjoy. Dont hold grudges or it will only bring you sorrow! Life is too short...

In our mid twenties, when we moved into our first home together ( an unfurnished rented flat with very little furniture)
we didn't visit either set of parents but stayed at home that first Christmas. We had Bucks Fizz and scrambled eggs with salmon for brunch then we went for a walk along the Thames by Ham House. When we got back we watched a film by Kurosawa on tv and I can't remember what we cooked for dinner. What I do remember was that it was a lovely, peaceful day.

Pennykins "she who has to be obeyed" is not a good attitude to take. You run the risk of alienating your son. His loyalties should lie with his fiancee and not with you.

On my eldest DD and DSL first Christmas my DD told me she was spending Christmas day with me and her siblings and DSL was spending Christmas day with his DP's and siblings as l thought it very strange they should want to spend their first Christmas apart l pushed her for the real reason, turns out the DML had started crying and wanted them all to herself for the whole day, DSL isn't an only child btw, l certainly wasn't making them spend their first Christmas in separate houses so l suggested we did boxing day, the relief on her face said it all, l was upset but l didn't show it and wouldn't dream of emotional blackmail.

The OP did NOT jeapordise the surgery on purpose! It was not even proven the cold was from them.(even if they isolated before surgery a cold bug can be picked up from anywhere!) From their shopping/parcels/post deliveries even or actually in the hospital, or from any health professionals they see before the surgery! They could have given it to them not other way round!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

This is what technology is for. Also, on another note - none of my three children lives here; my daughter who is a nun can come once a month, and the boys work on shifts, so you can imagine the logistics behind finding a Sunday when they can all come, and the way things are, she might not even be able to come at all in December. If I were you I wouldn't sweat it.

Personally I think you should back off as you are in danger of making yourself 'persona non grata' with your dil and her family. Enjoy a quiet Christmas with your DH and possibly old mum, Covid isn't going to last for ever but ill feeling can last for years.

Missing moominM- thats just mean to OP- she deliberately jeopardise her GS's surgery! Its not something she did on purpose! Stop picking on folk. Its understandable she wants to see her son & grandson at some point.It seems tight to hold a grudge nearly a year for something she couldnt help then use it this year to punish her with! That sounds a bit crazy to do do thf.

Who needs family therapy when you've got the combined wisdom of Gransnetters which is far better--always full of well thought out advice based on years of life experience!

You wont be alone though...you have each other. Some people will be alone.

We know how your family feels, we have elderly neighbours who have said they always get colds & flue this time of year, it turns out thou they have a car they use public transport - ??
Next time maybe say youv'e got colds or anything else in open & trusting conversation before you turn up and pass on lurgies. Cheers

Oh I do love the sound of what you are doing and may think about this for us rather than spending half the day cooking. Enjoy.

Unless they're all totally self centred which is unlikely, it must have been obvious that you and your DH would feel upset to be excluded.

That said, I can't imagine leaving my own mum alone on Christmas day. So you now have the opportunity of her spending the day with you and your DH. Perfect.

Me???? I'm staying home on Christmas Day cos I can feel that vaccine sitting in a fridge waiting for me. My sleeve is rolled up and ready! My family fully understand, thank goodness.

Try not to dwell on this. We all react differently....

We are the same situation as my soon and his fiancee are hosting her parents at their house this Christmas.
We have been away that last 2 yeats and had thought that we would see them this year but she, who has to be obeyed, has already made up her mind.
When you have sons and daughter-in-laws you can be left on your own, which we will be this year as we can't go away so we just have to get on with it.

*controlling

Missingmoomin- I MEANT THE DinL sounds controllong!- not the OP!

I just don’t understand. We had the best Christmas when after a few years of our Christmas guests (I always cooked for 10 or so), dying (2) or marrying(2) or moving abroad(5) etc. we found ourselves on our own on Christmas Day. We bought a superb curry takeaway on Christmas Eve and quickly chilled it for next day. On 25th we got up when we felt like it and enjoyed a lovely breakfast before opening presents. We could have a leisurely bath/shower and a delicious lunch which took all of 5 minutes to prepare. We had busy lives in those days with little time for TV so binge watched a Nordic noir box set in the afternoon. What a treat! Salmon salad for tea. We had the tree and the lights and the mince pies and cake so it still felt like Christmas and on Boxing Day cooked a ‘proper’ Christmas dinner for ourselves for the fun of it.
We gathered more guests over the years and visited offspring but this year have decided to remain safe and enjoy a do-what-you-like-Christmas again and don’t feel in any way hard done by. The government hasn’t banned Covid for Christmas, just said that anyone who wants to chance it can and have only done that because there would have been mass disobedience.

Probably we will be ready to push the boat out again in 2021 if I make it that far.

Nannan2

Yes invite your own mum.and tell your son he can bring the baby to see you ALL on boxing day! He doesnt have to stay all day- just a couple of hours id suggest.After all he does want to see his OWN gran too at some point doesnt he??!

Lots of people don't want to see their parents or grandparents. When my DH's niece was in her teens she told her grandparents that if they continued to tell her what to do she would no longer see them. And she didn't, apart from important family occasions.

My DH's parents would be over 110 if they were still alive. Like many people of that generation they thought that they were owed respect but didn't realise, or think it important, that they respected the younger generations. I sometimes think, reading some of the comments, that members of my generation (70+) are of the same opinion.

Some of you run the risk of alienating your children and grandchildren over something that is not that important.

Sorry, when you son got married, whether you or he realised it at the time or not, you will find that he will go along with what his wife wishes - that's the way it is !
I can fully understand that you feel that you are missing out on seeing your son and GS this Christmas but there will be others - ones that will mean that your GS will be a lot more aware of just what Christmas is - much more fun!
Please contact your son again and apologise and say that you were just disappointed in not being able to see them and that perhaps you can arrange to skype or something either on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day and then make tentative arrangements for next year and meeting up in the spring.
This year, just make arrangements for you, DH and DM .

Ive no idea why some AC all of a sudden 'drop' their own family or friends just because they've got married or begun living with a partner! Its hurtful and annoying- can't they see that to 'swap' their own family/friends for the partners is hurtful to those family/friends who are theirs first and foremost? And that the OH hasn't dropped theirs for them? (Its usually the man who has to do this for the missus) to keep the peace- and its ludicrous!!! Its amazing how many do it and then if it doesn't work out it backfires on them and they find they're alone! I wouldn't go along with it, or expect anyone to do it, but it seems to be a growing trend sadly! ??

At 64 years old I've seen a lot of Christmases , some good , some bad just like everyone else . If it's a higgedly piggedly flexible Christmas what does it matter ? I'm just going with what my family say , I always try to please all . Even if they want Christmas along I'm happy too ! Just have a nice day doing whatever - stay warm , nice tv , nice food , nice , nice , nice !

Just give them a call and apologise for seemingly putting them under pressure !! If not this one day can destroy any relationship with your son and his little family ! Its damned difficult but well worth it in The end

I find all of this very sad

I think we over do Christmas anyway,,

but then, we also undo it in that so many of us do not remember the real reason for it, or do we? but just don`t say?

We have three children and used to alternate Christmas and New Year with my parents and my in-laws.
One Christmas, when I looked back, I hadn't seen my children open one present as I'd been in the kitchen making everyone cups of tea etc etc.

So the following year I said we weren't inviting anyone, I just wanted Christmas at home with my husband and children.
My parents took great offence, and my Dad said afterwards he did the ironing on Christmas Day as "there was nothing else to do." ?
My husband said more fool him!

It is very difficult this year and really rather than start something which will reverberate down the years I should try and give in gracefully. Not easy I know, lots of discussions going on within our family and people disappointed. The plans have been made and if you upset your DIL she will certainly go to her parents next year. It is very unfair but unfortunately the virus doesn't know it is Christmas. I like Bluekitchen192 idea, we will have my brother who is on his own with us over a couple of days anything else will be a bonus but not expected.