Mixed messages to grandchildren

I was thinking about GCs who are aware of all the rules and who will be thinking of how they can best protect you. My 8 year old GD certainly knows there are things you are supposed not to do. I wouldn't worry about them not understanding they are far more likely to question the attitude the others are taking. You will be seen as the people who do the right thing, something children actually appreciate and understand. The parents and other GPs are actually storing up trouble for themselves. You can't break some rules and then tell a thirteen year old they have to stick to others.
Try not to be upset. It is hard not to see them, but I think they will have more love and respect for you because you stuck to the rules.

I haven't had my 3 grandchildren over to my house since the beginning of the year. We are shielding due to DHs health condition plus he is 10 years older than me so I am trying to protect him. We won't be sharing Christmas with them either. However I have seen them once a week by meeting up in the park outside school wearing a mask and not getting too close. The 2 older boys finish school earlier than their younger sister so I take a flask of hot chocolate and some biscuits and we wait for their mum (DD) to arrive to collect the little one. They also see other family members who are not as strict about the rules as I am. But I'm pleased to say my 2 grandsons do understand the rules despite what their parents do. They told me they listen to the news every day in school and know all about covid. My youngest granddaughter is always pleased to see me and is none the wiser! Your GC may also understand whats going on and even if they don't they won't blame you for not being around as much as other family members, they'll just be happy to see you when they can.

Lots of things are upsetting nowadays. Understand thats where we are. Many in worse situations. Everyone has their own level of comfort. Fortunately they are expressing a desire to see you. Others are being denied. Express excitement in seeing them soon, not disappointment. Rejection is more painful than doing the rejecting.

Speaking to the GC just emphasise that the advice on Covid is you should not meet up. A 13 year old should certainly be aware and understand all the advice given out about mixing with adults, especially if there are health issues. If possible use technology to keep in touch especially Christmas Day. You have to protect yourself, regardless of what others are doing and saying. Enjoy your Christmas knowing you are doing your best to stay as well as possible.

I was very relaxed about everything to do with Covid until my young, fit and healthy daughter caught it at work. She was so ill and my DH and I feared for her life. My GC understand that some grandparents are more vulnerable than others, but they are eight.

annehinkley Bless your DGS, and I hope you've knitted lots of nets by now. I love the logic of children don't you. I will use your advice next time I speak to our grandchildren. Lots of good advice here from everyone so thank you all.

I worry that my grandchildren think I don’t love them as much as family members that have continued to socialise with them throughout the pandemic. We’re just doing everything we can to protect ourselves and others.

My daughter in law’s family don’t stick to the rules as rigidly as mine. My grandchildren have said they don’t think we care about them because we don’t visit them at home. Nothing could be further from the truth. I pick them up from school if their parents are working and see them for childcare (as I do for my other grandchildren - this is permitted in scotland). It deeply upsets me the psychological damage this pandemic is causing to everyone.

Our beautiful little grandsons must be confused as the other grandparents have bent the rules from the start and we haven't! Very worrying as their live-in daughter has just recovered from Covid and they have health problems. Trouble is my son-in-law is also prepared to bend the rules so my daughter doesn't stand a chance. We will not be seeing them at Christmas as they will be mixing with the other grandparents and it's too risky, even though we have no known health issues. My daughter is worried but her husband doesn't think there's much to worry about!

I don't know why you are vulnerable but it might be worth telling your DGC that the bug is worse for some people than for others and it is a great pity but you are among the people for whom it would be worse and it might make you very poorly. Then focus on how the vaccine will make such a difference.
Just before the first lockdown my DGS, aged 7, asked if I could knit some nets to catch the bugs!

Think about it. Lead by example. You are doing the 'right thing', even when it is uncomfortable. A valuable lesson for our grandchildren. Apart from the fact of course that they are all walking petri dishes anyway and who in their right mind would put their lives at risk? We all love our grandchildren but common sense must prevail. The hospitals are already struggling, it is selfish to make that situation worse by taking needless risks.

We're in a similar position and
the other grandparents are slightly younger but with health problems. They have bent the rules many times so they can mix with the grandchildren and we have not. Our little grandchildren are confused and have been told it's because we're older. We have no health problems. Their live-in daughter has just recovered from Covid! If it were down to my daughter she would not let the grandchildren mix so readily, however, her husband doesn't agree and thinks she is too cautious. They will all b

Jo1960

I really feel for you, I'm now seeing my grandchildren as we're in a support bubble but for months I didn't see them. My youngest GD aged 4 said she wished the police would shoot that bad bug, apparently they shouldn't catch it and put it in prison because it might hurt them!

Definitely a supporter of the death penalty for murder then!

I really feel for you, I'm now seeing my grandchildren as we're in a support bubble but for months I didn't see them. My youngest GD aged 4 said she wished the police would shoot that bad bug, apparently they shouldn't catch it and put it in prison because it might hurt them!

georgia101. Can you 'zoom' them? My DD is arranging to Zoom the children opening their pressies?

We still have the occasional doorstep visit withba suitabke distance between us.

I haven't seen my grandson in person since March, but I am "seeing" him more than I ever did since he learnt how place his own video calls. I now have to cope with his grinning face at the crack of dawn when I can hardly open my eyes. And he's discovered it's a great prank to hang up as soon as I pick up!

Really hard when some bend the rules to suite themselves. Xx

Thank you for all the supportive replies here. We are both unable to walk far but have a disabled scooter we share between us, so will arrange to meet outside for a while. Our youngest granddaughter has a different dad to the others so they have always met up with each other here since their mum died. They miss each other too but live too far apart (and the dads don't get on) for them to meet at other times. Yes, it's hard for everyone this year in so many ways for different people, Keep safe everyone and Merry Christmas however you spend it.

The message they will get is the truth. - Some people take the safety of others seriously, some don't. It is only tradition that makes the 25th and 31st 'special' days. This one year we have to accept we cannot 'mark' them as we usually do.

It’s very upsetting but I wonder how you would feel just going for a walk with them? Forget about Christmas...it doesn’t look like as many families will get together now anyway. But in tier 2, you can meet outdoors within a group of six and you may all enjoy that at some point. If you have to totally shield, then perhaps it’s not on (although I’m sure you’ve been out at some point this year) but otherwise, personally, I’d arrange some short little visits outside just to say hello. (In fact that is what we will have to do at Christmas as we don’t want to be inside with family). Some contact must be better than none.

It is very hard, hopefully they are meeting outside? During a phone call a friend told me her small GS had been told he couldn't see gran as she was older and might get ill, the next time she spoke to him he said she would be up in the sky soon and he would wave to her! Is it possible they are asking to see you as they are worried about where you are, could you zoom or have them walk past the house and wave.

You know that you are the one doing the right thing. Its the same as saying no to children about sweets at the checkout (as they used to be).
You need to do what you and your husband decide together and although it is very sad and hard sometimes its the best chance you both have of being around for the vaccine and next Xmas.
Not everyone makes the best decisions in life and this is no different.

Children must be confused about all of this. I would make a special effort to say thank you to them "we know it is sad not to see each other but we are so proud of you for helping to make sure we don't get this nasty bug", or words to that effect. I'm sure you could put it much better!

Did anyone go HeyHo?