I am so sad. Christmas is coming and all I can see are more awkward moments and arguments. I can write all this here as I know that nobody I know will see it and I can be honest and pour out my feelings. Sorry for dumping on you all in advance.
I have a DD of 21 who has had a child, my adored GS with someone older. She pursued the relationship against all advice and concerns. She was one month into Uni and became pregnant. It was not planned and we tried to support in every way. Her father and I are separated since she was a baby and she has one older brother. She moved in with the father of her baby boy after he was born. To cut a long story short she suffered very serious post natal depression and my heart broke for her as I had been through it with my first child. She was so convinced she was dying that I tried to help by paying for her to see private specialists of all kinds- thyroid, kidney, gynae, everything. It didn’t convince her. It culminated in her going in to a psychiatric ward for a week in order to secure a brain scan for herself ( she was convinced she also had a brain tumour) but essentially what she needed was rest and sleep and medication I looked after her little boy my lovely grandson at this time. And my son helped. Again to cut a long story short the relationship broke down after she came home die to a number of factors. She decided she wanted to go back to the city where she’d been studying and return to Uni. I though it would be a good thing for her and my dear GS to have a fresh start and to allow our family relationship to heal as her brother, my son, had been dragged in to nasty arguments with her partners family. I paid her deposit and months rent. They settled in. We gave them some space and time to themselves though I supported in every way I could financially and emotionally. The baby’s father had access and had his son one night a week. In September she showed signs of not coping so we looked at ways to alleviate the stress and find means to financial help etc. I discovered that she had never applied for child benefit and though I got the forms she didn’t fill them in - I had to do it and submit them. She is a bright articulate girl who is doing fine with her subject at Uni but struggling all students are this year with Covid and the conditions it’s created. Her washing and my GS is taken weekly now and done. I clean the apartment when possible. I take my GS perhaps 2 or more often 3 days nights per week. The child’s father takes him one night and one day also. There are ongoing rows and tension there over access and legal teams now involved. I work part time also. I am sometimes called if she’s overwhelmed and will always try and get to them. The last straw today has been that because neither I nor my son (her brother) were unable to go down and take the baby ( he’s 18 months now) last night because she wanted to have a break and go to a party, despite the fact that we are minding him next Saturday and Sunday night to let her have some social life, she threw a complete strop and launched a verbal tirade at me when I went to collect my GS and said some very hurtful things to me. I’ve spent the day crying in between caring for my dear GS. She bad mouthed her brother to one of her friends which has cut him to the bone and I fear that relationship is finished. I’m so sad. What have I done wrong? I don’t know what else to do. I am tired and fearful of calls or texts from her. I feel anxious when I think of her at home over Xmas and the rows that might erupt with her brother. and yet I love her very much and just want her to be happy. I am filled with guilt also about how I want to help but my energy levels are not what they used to be when I was younger.
To obliterate your address on packaging