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What would you do?

(5 Posts)
Youcantchoosethem Fri 01-Jan-21 14:38:26

Dilemma - my other half’s mother has just passed away, and the funeral is going to be on the 14th Jan. His father is understandably distraught - they were married 68 years and he absolutely adored her. In tears this morning on the phone he asked would I be coming to the funeral and would I help hold him up as he wouldn’t be able to stand up himself. I of course said I would be there and support him as much as I could.

My youngest son is special needs and goes to a SEN school. With the news of secondary closures til the 18th I thought well at least that will be after the funeral. We have isolated anyway, particularly as my OH needed to regularly give respite to his sister in caring for his mum in her last days, so we have been extremely careful and haven’t been out. I also had CoVID end of November/beginning of Dec (even though even then I had been very careful - only went to work one day, post office and the pharmacy because they were changing computer and couldn’t deliver my meds as usual). I was extremely careful with my own isolation and neither my OH nor my son ended up positive. Thankfully I recovered well.

I’ve now heard from the school that because they are SEN they will be back after all from the 5th, and are arranging testing for all students but that will take time to organise and we won’t know the results until after they have been together for several days and could have already spread it and brought it home before the results are in. They have said if we keep the child off there won’t be penalties.

Would you keep him off in these circumstances until after the funeral? Would you support your FIL/elderly relative physically in these circumstances? I am so torn with both questions. The human caring part of me is to help him no matter what and hold him physically supporting him so that he can say his goodbyes, even though we should still be distancing. He’s 94 and very frail.

The other side of me is saying your sons education is important and he should go back to school.

The funeral of course will be very limited.

What would you do?

Esspee Fri 01-Jan-21 14:44:40

Your son’s education will not be impacted because he misses 1 day of school. Your FiL should be your priority.

Smileless2012 Fri 01-Jan-21 14:46:21

If I were in your position Youcantchoosethem, I would keep my son off school until after the funeral so I could be there for my f.i.l.

He must be distraught losing the woman he loved and was married too for 68 years.

My condolences for your family at this very sad timeflowers.

Greenfinch Fri 01-Jan-21 15:03:56

Definitely keep him off.The fact that they have said there will be no penalties suggests they would condone this.Two weeks off after Christmas is not going to affect his education.

Youcantchoosethem Fri 01-Jan-21 17:04:11

Thank you ? that is my feeling.

@Esspee it would mean keeping him off until after the 14th so 8 days off rather than one day.

I absolutely hate “breaking rules” but feel giving mg OHs father support and care is the most important at the moment and not putting any of them attending the funeral at further risk. Yes we will know if my son or anyone else at the school tests positive when they return but by then the damage as it were is done - he would have already been exposed. They have already had a couple of positive cases before Christmas - thankfully my son at the time was already isolating because of my positive result. His education as a year 10 is important but the health of everyone attending the funeral, including my OHs elderly and frail father will be at increased risk.