The Lockdown Gang - Indomitable Lobstars ?⭐️

Dear Panache we all remember the dash from the old house and how hard you struggled and worked to make it happen.

You truly are a magnificent woman

Your beloved has been the centre of your life and you have fought valiantly for him.
When he didn't get the care he needed, it was not for lack of his darling wife battling on and facing all challenges.

Things have been bad, that's very clear but how much worse they would have been but for your admirable strength, fortitude and determination.

I sincerely hope you can find quiet times to simply be together. I know you'll cherish each other to the very last moment (and beyond as Grammaretto says) as you have all your together-lives.

Strength will come, although it may not always feel like it.
It always does somehow.

With many loving thoughts and hopes for the continued support you need.

Dear Panache I have already PMd you. Your heartfelt post is full of loving thoughts of your dear man.
I remember well how you were strong and coped when you had to move so suddenly after MrP was diagnosed. You kept going throughout to find a place where you two could be together.
I think Grammaretto’s words are the best. Words of love between two people who have shared so much together.
Know we are all here and thinking of you.
Take care. xx

Nfk you have a very brave weatherman in Norfolk, diving into snow like that. ?
Hearing loss must be difficult to live with. My hearing is ok but like your DH mine is very quietly spoken and I often can’t hear him. My brother and SIL both suffered hearing problems. We had a few laughs when one or both of them forgot to put their hearing aids in but then accused each other of not listening.
missedout I’m so sorry you feel so low. So much has happened to you in the last year and giving up work at the same time is hard. When I retired, I loved it. Spent about a week thinking about people I worked with then just got on and enjoyed life and travel. Some others who retired at the same time couldn’t cope without their work environment. Things may have been different for me if retirement had coincided with lockdown.
You can always come in here and let off steam.
Jan you have voiced what DH has said many times. He is worried life is passing by when none of us know how long we have left.

www.edp24.co.uk/news/weather-forecaster-chris-bell-leap-into-30cm-snow-7319164

Our lovely weather man for those who missed him!

I do wear hearing aidsDoodle although I think they need upgrading as I've had them quite a while and I think I'm getting worse. Slowly losing the upper register, I can hear people are talking but can't make out the words, - but I think DH finds it more annoying than me as he's naturally quietly spoken. What? Pardon?

Such a sad post Panache you are still always in my thoughts.

Kaimoana - I have not received a PMfrom you. I do not think the system is working.

Crumbs I have a lot of catching up to do.
Mamissimo little Matty will have his legs smacked if he keeps on sending out letters like that. ?
I was going to ask what MrM did with the rat but I don’t think I want to know. ?
I would love Honey beagle but I’m afraid we can’t have pets here. Not too sure about the mulch eating though ?
Please may I join you in puddle splashing. I love that almost as much as leaf crunching in the autumn. I bet your DGC would love a photo of you behaving like that. ?
Kaimoana scone on it’s way. Unfortunately only sultana ones available.
I’m sorry your printer went off with the power. I get exasperated with ours which tells us it’s run out of ink every time we ask it to print something.
You mention having lots of slides. We have too. Cant remember if I’ve mentioned it before but last week I sent off all our camcorder cassettes to be transferred onto USB sticks so I can edit them into movies on the laptop.
DH has been planning to do it for years but our plans were thwarted when the camcorder got broken so now we are paying someone to do it for us. It will take about a month but I can’t wait to see the results.
Nfk yes, it was such a shock to hear about Jings
I bet you’ve had fun watching your slides. I cleared out a lot of views and zoos too. Strange how many photos of animals we had. Must have been a trend at the time.
Sorry to read you are losing your hearing. Do you wear hearing aids or is that an option for later?
Got to go and dry my hair now before it sets in permanent frizz.
Be back to read the rest of the messages later with my cup of coffee.

Panache you are very strong - it's the strength of your love for your dear husband and his for you that shine through your story. We're here whenever you need us.

Oh, Panache I do wish we were all closer and could come and have the most all enveloping group hug with you, but you have so many friends on GN rooting for you and thinking of you, I fear that we'd fill your flat to bursting. Instead we can only be here, thinking of you and sending strengthening vibes as best we can. XX

Just that as GG says Panache don't punish yourself and remember the words DH used to say to me when I was anguished at the knowledge that there was no return "I will always love you" and "I will always be with you"
Those wonderful years together can't be erased.

My MiL is a comfort too as she says you just have to get on with it, there's no alternative.

It's nearly 3 months now since I lost my beloved and I am still living a day at a time but allowing myself to do that.

The support I have had on this Doodle's lockdown thread has been immense too and has kept me buoyed and amused when I feel sorry for myself.

Panache I am relatively new on Lockdown site but having followed a similar path with my mother who died aged just 56 I know only too well the dreadful pain your dear one will be feeling and also the helpless feelings you are experiencing. You are in my thoughts

Oh dear Panache my heart goes out to you and your DH. Take each day, hour as it comes hold his hand and tell him how much you love him. forever in my thoughts and prayers.

These places of sanctuary remain ever open and I very much feel "at home" when I step inside.

Many of you have sadly already travelled down this very difficult road I am now travelling,others sadly will also follow at some point.
The circle of life continues.

Thank you for thinking,caring and offering prayers for us,they are very much appreciated.
Quite frankly although very much an "up & down" bumpy road over the past almost 2 years,I still was not fully prepared for how I can deal and cope with what appears to be this final chapter in a love story spanning some 53 years,married for 52 years.
My dearest has not just been a good,kind husband, great provider, but an able carer for both my crippled,aged Foster mother and myself .....through many cancers and debilitating poor health.........he has fought tooth and nail from the moment his terminal diagnoses was laid bare.
I have felt totally inadequate in the care he has needed latterly,probably due to lack of sleep and inability to eat.......but I have certainly done my very best to support him every step of the way.

Many of you will well recall the original difficulties because we lived in a large property in an acre of grounds,without any family back up, I feared greatly for our survival.
With a lot of support from good friends here I managed the quite monumental move from this property, moving into advanced Sheltered housing within some 6 weeks following the devastating diagnoses.

Had it not been for Covid with the request for both of us to shield since March of last year,we could have enjoyed summertime and possably even last autumn,however here we were............. virtually prisoners in our new home.
Yet again, ever the optomists we simply valued this special time shared together in our new little home.
Counting our blessings daily.
Then my dear one`s pain started overtaking life as we then knew it, and whilst my beloved still fought with real tenacity,always hopeful,still looking forward to a brighter tomorrow.
However these last many months have become one of true heart break.
The outside help has been abysmal at best,it has caused me increased worries,forever chasing Medical care and all manner of help.
There have been far too many moments......and days........of real despair.
Obstacles galore at every turning.
There is hardly anything much worse than seeing the love of your life suffering so very much,and despite all your own efforts, there is still such vital gaps in his care.
This has proved to be an enormous extra burden,time and time again chasing people via the phone.............when my heart denotes I need to be simply alongside my man.
Help is now coming in thick and fast,my dearest has just returned from one emergency dash into 2 different Hospitals,whilst yesterday another emergency trip following experiencing a very frightening episode................we are well aware time is fast running out.
I am running on empty and deeply upset at a million things I cannot or am unable to resolve,life can indeed be very cruel at times.

Quite frankly as we count down these days ahead I am as if in a wilderness,I have no idea which way to turn.
I only know I will have to follow the painful route many of you have already travelled..............whether I come out on the other side is highly debateable.

Sadly I have not been able to keep in touch with those of you whom have proved kindness itself.
But now I have a spare moment I feel I need to offer up a big thank you to all those lovely friends made through your Kitchen sanctuary Soop..........and indeed Doodle`s welcome thread from the early Lockdown days........you may never know how much your friendship,support and that odd quiet but meaningful kind word has uplifted me when often, I have felt so down deep in the doldrums.
So much strength shown through these pages which tells me I must fight on and find some kind of pathway beyond these feelings of grief and lonliness already creeping in.

I truly must find that extra strength to meet these very dark days. I cannot give in or give up when my dear man has shown such great strength throughout.

Sending my very best wishes and every blessing to you all.

Good morning ?
Anyone want an elderly beagle? She has developed a taste for the well rotted mulch we've spread all over the raised beds and yesterday I caught her using them as a buffet .....with predictable and unpleasant results over night. She's on a warning!

Missedout I hear you! Having been vaccinated over three weeks ago I'm reassessing my risk levels and like last time I am now taking shielding as advice rather than the law.......I went essential shopping in person this week and it did me a huge amount of good. It just gave me a taste of a life that I will regain and boosted my well-being. I went at lunch time to a shop with big aisles it was quiet and I felt safe. And happy!

And as for little Mattie's letters.....I .compost them because they are unwanted rotatable waste. I know by now how to keep myself safe and I don't need reminding how vulnerable I am . It makes me feel better to rot them down ?

I shall put my wellies on and go and splash in puddles like my DGDs. I'll get Mr M to video it and we'll send it to them....--I want them to see my posh new rain hat-- it will make them smile.

Morning. Yes I think a lot of us are struggling now. It’s the same old same old everyday. It comes to something when the highlight of the week is a Sainsburys delivery!
I think a lot of the problem is that we have already lost a year of our lives to this dreadful disease and are now well on our way to losing another. For those of us of a certain age we haven’t got that time to lose. I know it sounds morbid but it’s true and that’s what’s making us feel down.
However the snow has gone and it’s much milder. Cases are dropping and maybe there is a chunk of light at the end of this very long tunnel.
Yes Kaimoana did see the weather forecaster from my part of the world diving into the snow! We’re a tough lot in Norfolk!
Thinking of Panache and all others who are poorly. Must learn to count my blessings!

Nfk I have heaps of slides packed away and wish I could make them digital. Maybe one day my son will manage that.
Funnily enough, just before Christmas, I went deaf in my right ear for over a month and wondered whether to ask God to swapped it for a good, right eye! There was no pain so no infection, it just ceased to work. Then one day, just came back. Weird.

Did you read about the Norfolk weather man who lost a bet and dived into the snow?

Missedout You have had one hell of a year, Covid aside.

Like so many, you are not only coming to terms with illness and isolation but battling what's now being recognised as PTSD due to this virus.
It IS traumatic being suddenly locked down and fearful, most especially where there's health care you badly need but cannot access.

Pretty much all Lobstars are in that position.
We know from dear Panache's post that even those whose health is seriously failing are being pushed aside in favour of prioritised Covid patients.
It's no wonder so many people feel sorry for themselves, there is a lot to feel sorry about and if you don't feel sorry - who will? .

The other aspect and so very relevant is that your talents lie elsewhere, outside the home and you're unable to use them.

I related very much to your cri de cœur as I find no satisfaction in housework, other than cooking.
I also miss my community work (and the people) which did give me huge satisfaction, knowing I was useful and helping.
When that's taken away and you're left with only things you dislike, it's frustrating.

I smiled when I read you make 'the odd phone call' -you're not ringing Mattie Hancock at 2am and swearing at him are you?
He must have wasted a veritable forest (not to mention tax-payer's hard earned), writing to everyone.

I've had a frustrating day as well.
Powerless Saturday pushed my printer back to default and I need to reset the link to my wi-fi. That's easy but the text on the printer is so tiny I cannot see it.
So I must wait for my poor DS to find time in his unbelievably busy life, to traipse across the city to do what is essentially a 3 minute job.

I look at all the missing names and wonder how they all are.
Grit your teeth and carry on Gangstars, llegitimi non carborundum

.

Hello Lobstars, it's 05:00hrs and I'm so fed up, I can't sleep. I too had 'the letter' from little Mattie. Extreme and pathetic of me, I burst into tears. To make matters worse, DH applied cold, hard logic and asked me what did I expect? I'm afraid I wasn't very nice in my reply. I have spent the last year, not being me. I'm not exactly a domestic goddess, you understand, but I have been a housewife (sort of). I retired because I couldn't face the long distance driving that was needed in addition to carrying out my absorbing job at the time. My youngest DS moved out and my mother had died too so I had more free time and also stopped having to supplement her substantial care home fees. It seemed the right time, DH had already stopped working.

I miss work. I haven't really come to terms with bouts of poor health either (does anyone). I was building up my voluntary work before Covid, but it required visiting people in their homes, so that has stopped. Now life seems an endless round of online shopping, cooking, a (very little) bit of cleaning, long zoom-type calls with family - lovely but ultimately tinged with wanting more, a bit of knitting, the odd phone call, exercise bike, walking for exercise, self-administering various medical treatments ....eat, sleep repeat!

On the other hand, DH is enjoying this time. He is active and energetic, empties the dishwasher in seconds, willingly washes up stuff that doesn't go in the dishwasher, fills the bird feeders, chops firewood, makes the morning coffee, works in the garden (under strict instruction), brings me tea and toast on a Sunday morning, the list goes on. DH is now very close to firing up the engine of his rebuilt car. He spends hours poring over wiring diagrams, calculating timing, carrying out online research and phoning mates. I will get to enjoy his hobby at sometime too in the future (in between breakdowns, tweaking and fettling). DH isn't selfish, when I say that I don't mind, I mean it most of the time.

I am aware what a privileged position I am in, but it doesn't stop me from feeling sorry for myself sometimes and from wanting to wield the frozen leg of lamb occasionally. DH and I will both sulk for a while but it never lasts for long. It's not DH's fault that I'm struggling under the current circumstances, but a lecture on being rational is not always what is needed.

I hope the gangsters will forgive this early morning ramble.

I also keep thinking of the Panaches, wishing them peace together and our other missing lobstars. Cherry, I hope you are OK. And as ever, Doodle thank you for giving us this support forum.

P.S. It has taken me so long to type this that I see NfkDumpling has sneaked in. I also need to sort out our many photos. Time to put our scanner into use!

Well, I logged in to GN last night, scanned the "Active"s including the awful news about Jings and then caught up with all the gossip with the Lobsters - then it was past bed time.

So sorry to hear that Mr Panache is in dire pain again. Although it's great that all the much needed support is now coming in, it doesn't leave much time to just sit together and 'be'. I'm glad you have friends around to support you. Vital at a time like this.

Kaimoana your description and photos of what you can see was enlightening. Losing that centre vision must be the worst thing. Eyes are soo very important. I'm slowly going deaf which has its drawbacks but, never having been really musical, its not so much of a problem. I live in hope that one day I shall be able to chat to people again without mask wearing. I hadn't realised how much I lip read!

We've set up the old projector and screen in the sitting room and have been looking through the slides from the box under the bed. So many pictures of this young family who look strangely familiar - and thin! It's like looking at a completely different life. Was that really us? Apparently, DS says, we have a piece of equipment in our loft which will scan the slides onto the computer, he swears he lent it to us, but I can't find it. So I've been taking photos of many and throwing out views and zoos.

I've also had an on-line chat with a third cousin discovered in Canada. So have been able to add a bit more to the family tree. Its getting rather top heavy!

The snow has all gone from my bit of Norfolk now, just leaving a lot of sogginess - and a very full pond.

dragonfly I got your PM thanks - what didn't happen is the usual GN alert to my email to say it was there. I've replied.

Doodle the scones sound yummy - please ask Jeeves to bring a date and orange one to me.

Doodle that darned Mattie Hancock is in danger of not getting a Christmas Card from me. Shielding has suddenly become even more political. Today 1.7 more people were added to the shielding list. Mattie has written to us all because he needs to say at the end of March that ALL the most venerable have been offered a jab.....so we can can meet outside at Easter the following week. I know I'm cynical but I bet you a bean that I'm right!

Mr M did catch Roland Rat .....he has a special pair of tongs kept just for such occasions. It was a youngster. I casually mentioned it to my neighbour who feeds birds and squirrels and who has a shed full of feed. I noticed today that they have at long last shut the shed door!

Panache - my thoughts as always and I hope all other missing gangstas are ok.

Dear Panache I have PMd you but it doesn’t seem to have been sent. I know there has been some problem with messages. You may end up getting lots of copies of the same message.
I can’t do anything better than echo Grammaretto’s words.
Thinking of you so much x

Cherry I hope you are ok. It’s been a while since we have heard from you and I wonder how you are.

I have been making scones to day with my new gadget. I have to say it performed well and the scones turned out well. It takes a bit of washing up though.
DH and I went for a walk again this afternoon. I think it was too much after yesterday as his back was quite painful when we got home. I think we need to take it more slowly.
We did meet our neighbours while we were out though and spend some time chatting with them and catching up on news,
Little Matty (as he is known by us now too ?) has been writing to DH again and telling him to stay indoors till the end of March. We weren’t planning on going anywhere anyway.

Take care all and wherever you are we are thinking of you ?

I am sorry you are going through this Panache but very glad you have friends and family and he is home with you.
You have to hang on to the small joys and find comfort in them wherever you can.

We are always here for you xxxxx

I too am thinking of you a lot Panache. Hoping you get some quiet time with your dear man.
Kaimoana you have struggled with your AMD a long time then. I like your description of cooking by aroma. I hope it never beats you. I hope there is always ‘a way round things’
dragonfly hope you are ok. Yes there is a problem with PMs. Hope you get your replies soon.
GrannyGravy nice of you to pop in again.
Take care dear gangsters.
Hope the rat hasn’t eaten anything Mamissimo. You won’t let it out in here will you ?

Dear Panache I am holding you both in my heart and prayers

I just popped in the say how sorry I am to hear your news Panache. I feel I have 'known' you a long time and you helped me so much when I first got my diagnosis. You are constantly in my thoughts.

Thank you Kaimoana for your very kind PM. I have replied but I believe the system is up the creek at the moment and PM's aren't getting through. I have sent a few and got no replies so people have either not got them or fallen out with me!!

Best wishes to you all.

Panache my heart goes out to you but am relieved to hear you have, at last, so much help. It is indeed a cruel time.Our prayers and thoughts are with you.

Doodle the big bang made the lights flicker for a while but a crew came out very quickly to investigate. It was pouring with rain but a neighbour went up to see what had happened. I haven't yet heard.

Because my AMD came on so early (I was the youngest person being treated at that time) I've had at least 10 years learning how to cope.

I use light, shadow, hearing and touch in a way most people don't need to but that's a fantastic 'work-around'.

I can't do anything detailed but I can still cook, paying more attention to the aroma from the oven to tell me if a cake or quiche is done, rather than look to see if it's golden.

My stubbornness has been a saving grace I will not give in until I have to. I fight back.

One day it'll beat me but not yet

This is probably why lockdown wasn't quite the sudden shock of restriction it was for others as I'd been gradually working towards it being forced to stay at home all the time.

That doesn't mean I was never depressed, I was and still am.
One cannot permanently lose most of the things one loves and simply shrug it off.
But I had 60+ years of producing beautiful things and knowing beautiful people, nothing to regret there.
Life is what it is.

Mamissimo Yet again you had me laughing out loud at your post and the antics of your rat catchers.
Like Doodle I mentally added chase music.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRGVYwobPDk

There used to be a player-piano in a Bournemouth cafe, I wonder if it's still there?

Stay well and, if possible, cheerful everyone.