Is Big really Beautiful or are we kidding ourselves?

I agree. His posts were a little too long with not much substance. They did seem to drone on a bit. Sorry to Trevor if you are a genuine person with all the problems.

I'm glad to hear Trevor has left I was extremely cautious of him- juts didn't ring true.

If this is the case then I've been taken in. I'm too trusting at times. I will learn a lesson from this and take more care. Thank you ladies.

Yes, I understand that some members do seem to find it rather disturbing and uncomfortable when a rogue wind-up merchant moves in - but really, how threatening can it be?

Either ignore them or go along with their 'game' until they get bored or go too far and get banned anyway.

The bottom line is that we are told at the top of the page that this is a public forum and so we need to be careful what details we reveal. It is so tempting to think you are in a room with friends to whom you can be open and truthful. Our "anonymity" almost encourages that but every so often something happens which should remind us that discretion is always a good thing. It is also a let down when you are being trusting to find that you may be being taken for a ride by somebody who thinks it is amusing to wind up a load of "old grannies" and reward their kindness by taking the proverbial p***.

But let's not get paranoid about this. I doubt whether anyone could track me (not that I'd be bothered!), and for those with no profile at all, it's even less likely.

GadaboutGran. Yes, in many cases but probably not all. However, someone with a more sophisticated understanding of technology and a lot more time available could probably make a good stab at just about any one of us. I simply extrapolated from a single piece of information but most of us provide a plethora of personal details over time.

Absent, you say you haven't done it on GN but is it possible with what you have done elsewhere?

I have pointed out before that it isn't difficult to track down the real name of a virtual person on a social website. Once you have that, you can find out all sorts of information about the person - in addition to all the personal stuff that they have inadvertently or deliberately posted about themselves, sometimes over several years.

I have done this once via a newspaper site and Facebook - just two clicks. If I can do it, anyone can.

(I am not talking about a gransnetter.)

I agree. I always ask myself if I could be breaking confidentiality if someone recognised themselves in my post. In fact my anonymity is more or less non-existent on this forum, so that keeps me on the straight and narrow.

You are right, Nelliemoser most posters wait until they feel they have their "feet under the table" before giving us a lot of information about themselves. Most only post quite short messages for the first wee while, too, not a whole page of meandering guff that tells us everything but the kitchen sink. You would need a psychiatrist's couch and a thick notebook for Trevor's stories (Trevor the self-styled shy, nervous introvert with no self-esteem).

The other point is that in giving support to posters who tell a sad story, it is tempting to post personal details about how "exactly the same thing happened to me" or to describe in detail your own absolutely awful experiences with relations. It is done with the best intentions, to put the poster at ease and make them feel they are not alone, but remember it is possible to be helpful without exposing your own private life.

You make yourself vulnerable by putting stuff into the public domain. Anyone at all can read the posts on these forums, without joining Gransnet, and there are some sick souls out there who search for such things. Your family and neighbours could be reading your story, and recognise you or the people you mention. Be more general in your replies.

...it's a good job we have Elegran to take care of us as she's a genuinely scary person who I wouldn't like to meddle with ....

Nellie, you are so right. On one of my racing forums I mentioned something one day and another poster pinpointed exactly where I live [this was a totally anonymous forum where we don't use our real names and there are no profiles and no pm system; if we want to meet up with anyone on the forum we have to do so through the forum organiser]. It wasn't a problem even though he has since moved to my village as well. One of the problems with gransnet is that we all tend to think the best of everyone and try to be kind and helpful; the last thing we want to do is tip a sad lonely person over the edge. But we're not an organisation for people that need help of that kind, and we do have to watch our backs, as it were.

I have observed that a number GNrs seem to feel straight away that there is something odd about the style of the type of posts we have recently been subjected to and that others seem to feel that here is some poor person who needs the benefit of the doubt.

Almost no genuine poster starts out by plastering their life story, real or imagined across their very first post, nor do they make multiple long posts about themselves in a short time.
That should be a warning in itself. It happens every so often and maybe are by "repeat performers" we cannot really know but the style is usually recognisable.

Most new posters creep in gently, post a bit and test the water to see what the site is like, some announce themselves others don't.

There have been a number who seem to have hung about and posted on a few threads until they have felt they can trust posters on GN to be helpful with a real dilemma and often then revealed some private family difficulties and asked for some advice or sound off.

You only have to look at this sort of opening on a thread to gauge how much of what has been written you can trust.

We do not ever know who we are dealing with on here but we can surely get an idea that a particular posting style is so out of the normal that we should be very wary about all that has been said.

In any internet based contact we should careful of what people are saying and look out for glaring inconsistencies in a story.

The posts of the great majority of GNers stories sound real within our experience, so I feel we are right to be concerned about those who do not seem right. Trust gut instincts as you would if you were out in the street. "I don't quite like the look of those lads I will be careful."

The post by Elegran earlier about Trev quoted him as having made it clear he was on here to make mischief get attention and it worked. Causing a lot of disruption and spoiling the usual good chatty atmosphere.

A number of sad people do this and sometimes it appears to have led to very unpleasant PMs from the perpetrator. Even with Gns partial anonimity we need to be careful. We have all probably given away quite a lot about our selves and our location etc.

I worry that the type of posters who are out to disrupt might also be the sort who might indulge in trying to find about more us in order to target someone in particular. The best plan is to not engage when a situation looks really wrong. It is tempting but ignore.

A dangerous bit of praise - now I have to live up to it. What is the betting that the next one will be a Nobel Peace Prize winner wanting a bit of anonymity? I'd better keep quiet.

Agree Lona a very astute lady indeed.

I always wait for Elegran to suss these people out, she's usually spot on and so eloquent when she cuts them down to size!

post of 9.13.

I thought he was a complete fake and boring to boot and never engaged with him at all

Is that the "shy, lonely, depressed chap with a mother-figure fixation" or the "deadly wit . . . and . . . verbal abuse", Pompa ?

Sounds a bit like me Elegran

I thought they were both funny, and looked at things from a different perspective. Which is something that I always find fascinating. As for being a babe magnet - well, we all have to take love where we can find it I suppose!

There was no malice there, though. Not in either of them. Very good-natured in fact, and that goes a long way to making yourself pleasant to converse with, whatever the subject.

Yes indeed!

I agree with that Elegran!

Trevor wasn't all that disruptive either, and neither he nor Frank were abusive (though Frank did make an unfortunate comment) What is more disruptive is the kind of poster who is not really here to discuss anything, or to be entertaining, just to get people into arguments so that they can exercise their deadly wit against them and use them as a butt for verbal abuse. We have had a few of those.