I need help !

This might be helpful for anyone who wants to reduce their wine intake - that is anyone who doesn't have a serious drink problem that requires therapy/medical intervention:

I've written lightheartedly on other threads about
my pursuit of the Body Beautiful - as part of my regime I've stopped having wine with meals at home. For the past couple of weeks I've been having the occasional alcohol-free beer instead.

A 270ml bottle is not only alcohol-free but has a mere 41 calories. I find it quite a satisfying drink, more so than say an elderflower presse, tonic water, and all the other substitutions for a glass of wine!

Esmenonna

My dear late mother came from a family of alcoholics and heavy smokers, mostly dying in their 50’s. I often implored my mum to give up drinking as she wouldn’t see her grandchildren grow up. Of course she would, was the reply I got. She did, to be fair to her, regularly go to rehab and make attempts to give up. However, suffering at the hands of an abusive partner who then moved in with her ‘friend’ next door while she had cancer, she finally lost the will to live. She was 58.
I went through a period of heavy drinking after she died, until my daughter said I was going the way she did.
I rarely have a drink now, if I do it’s just the odd one. Never smoked. Ironically I have a predominately lung disease and have been told I have a 40% chance of making the next 4 years, BUT I have to lose weight and get as fit as my illness will allow. So out goes the junk food which is MY crutch, as the drink was my DM. I am 54 next month...
So please do all you can Esmenonna, you just don’t know what’s around the corner. I wish you the very best of luck xxx

Thanks PamelaJ1. I couldn't bear to research it after losing my best friend in 2009 at the age of 52.
Her drinking started when we were 21, her fiancee went into the night shift at the police station and told his best friend he couldn't go through with the wedding. His friend went home at 7 am and told his wife - who rang my friend at work at 9 am to offer her sympathies. My friend's fiancee hadn't told her yet She didn't leave her bedroom for two weeks.

I still ring her Mum, who at the age of 74 had to deal with everything as her husband had dementia, including looking after her 10 year old grandaughter. Her poor Mum - she had also lost a child in the early 60's to leukemia.

I hope your relation can stop and regain his health.

Mosaic- I think you can be an alcoholic even if you control your drinking.
One of my relations, works in the city, very responsible job that he does brilliantly.
He starts on the way home on the train.
Apparently he’s a functioning alcoholic. Been given the death sentence by his Dr. though so he is really trying so hard to stop. He won’t go to AA, loss of face! Better loss of face than loss of life
All of you on here sound so much more sensible.
Good luck.

A friend of mine, a retired senior nurse, said to me once when we were discussing liver disease ‘there’s no warning as there are no symptoms. It could be a spot on the wall across the room ... or that spot could be right up against your nose’.

That scared me.

Good luck and very best wishes OP.

Thank you Glammy57 for your exceptionally kind post.
I am considering going to my GP, as she was so lovely and understanding when I was experiencing a few problems (work - related) earlier this year.

Esmenonna. Hello and welcome! Ah bless you, it’s not easy to admit that perhaps your alcohol consumption is more than you feel it should be. Some good advice has been offered which, I hope, may benefit you. Have you discussed this issue with your g.p? It may be a good place to start and, believe me, many doctors are empathetic to alcohol related problems. Just know that I keep you in my thoughts and offer best wishes as you move forward! Sincerely, K. ?

Esmenonna better to get some support from wherever is best for you. AA is a start. I do wish you success and happiness. You can do it. One step at a time.

Thanks everyone. This is all really useful. I will go to AA, and if it's not for me, it's not for me. I will then explore other avenues such as support groups via my GP or information online.
I think I have tried to do it on my own, and it's not always the best thing to do is it? I have obviously had some success, but it's not enough.
I do want to give it up - am sick of it controlling me.

DH did find......

I have always enjoyed alcohol, DH was a heavy drinker & my drinking increased as we were co-dependant. DH find AA a help but we also attended an organisation run by our local Health Authority. DH was worse when his depression kicked in, as our GP put it does the depression cause him to drink or does he drink because he's depressed? No-one has the answer to that. Sadly my DH died over 6 years ago of Lung Cancer (he was also a heavy smoker).

I attended a couple of AA meetings but it's not for me so if you can explore any other support groups in your area this may help you to find which suits you best.

My best friend died as a result of alcohol so I've seen the results of heavy drinking in others as well as myself. I haven't had an alcoholic drink for about 5 months, as I drive it's easy when I go out for a meal to simply say "sorry I'm driving, I don't drink & drive"

You have to want to give up alcohol, no-one else can force you/make the decision for you. If you feel the time is right check out what your GP can offer, they often have details of support groups or check out Citizens Advice/Library. Good luck & hopefully welcome to the land of sobriety, it does get easier & there are more & more alcohol free alternatives to try, my favourite is alcohol free pear cider.

Like MooMOO i am coming up to 22 years sober thanks to AA and one very dear friend. What you learn in AA will be with you forever. If you can remain sober well done. Acceptance is the first thing.

Please give it for your own sake. I don't drink, haven't done for donkey years yet I have the liver of a heavy drinker and believe me it onset feel good most of the time. The reason why? I have PBC.

Its not a prayer group.

I haven't read all the posts yet. No energy (M.E.). What I will say is, having a lot of experience of alcoholic and heavy drinkers in my family I would advise strongly that you go to Alcoholics Anonymous. Please.

PS There's no limit to how often you can ask yourself the question.
Also, your friends and family will (certainly should) help you if you tell them you are stopping drinking. Gifts are yours to do with as you see fit. If people still give you alcohol after you've explained, make sure they understand you will give it away.

It won't be easy but if you really want to beat it, you will.

Esmenonna there is only one question you need to ask yourself:

Do I want this glass of wine more than I want a healthy lifestyle/to live to see my granddaughter graduate etc?

If the answer is 'Yes!' then you will find your excuses (Wimbledon, birthday or whatever) and you will carry on drinking.

You can reverse the question:

Do I want to be healthy (you could stop there!) and see my granddaughter grow up more than I want this drink?

If the answer is 'Yes!' You will stop buying drink.

It might seem a simplification but in fact it's the only way to stop. You have to want to stop more than you want to carry on. It's up to you. Be honest with yourself. Good luck!

Keep up the good work! It sounds to me you are doing wonderfully well not drinking.

If you can, don't let yourself have a drink now and again; the longer you can stay right off it the easier it becomes not to drink.

You may be one of the many who never will be able just to drink one glass then stop.

It sounds to me as if you are going it alone. That's hard, try to find some support. Alcoholics anonymous aren't everyone's cup of tea: they do a marvellous job, but it feels a little too much like a prayer group to me and many others.

If you feel the same Blue Cross might be more up your street. It does help to have others to talk to who are in the same boat.

Ask your DH NOT to give in and buy wine or spirits for you. If you have to go out and fetch it yourself, it gives you time to decide not to.

Try reading the book"sober curious " by Ruby Warrington

I just wanted to say what it feels like to live with a binge drinker. My DH admits this is him although he has now cut down BD to around once a week.
He first starts with a beer or two. Progresses to wine and then ends with whiskey. He isnt aggressive or anything in fact he comes out of his shell and is more talkative and happy at first. Then it starts to tip over. Talking rubbish repeating himself , not understanding the plot of what we are watching on TV. Then the final stage. Staggering up to bed.
Im afraid that although I love him a lot of the respect has gone. I tolerate the one night a week BD because a big part of me no longer cares.
Im pretty sure your GD does notice the change in her gran after a few drinks even though you think she doesnt.
Dont let her loose respect for you. Take some action. Good luck.

Add up how much you spend on alcohol over the year, it may shock you. Just don't have it in the house and you need to attend AA meetings because you are pretending that you don't have a problem.

I hate the taste of all sorts of alcohol so can't understand the fascination with it. I may have a shandy a few times a year. You say you are 'a good drunk' so capable of looking after your grandchild. There is no such thing as a good drunk. You would not be able to drive in an emergency when you have the grandchild overnight and you certainly can't have your full wits about you after a few drinks in any situation.

Anyone read that medical report recently that women who are heavy drinkers or binge drinkers have a higher incidence of being diagnosed with breast cancer than women who don’t drink!

But heavy drinkers have that ‘it won’t happen to me’ attitude, just like smokers think they are immune to lung cancer or emphasima!

All the advice on sites like this won’t any difference until the person themselves feels ashamed enough, stops making excuses and commits to themselves to changing their lifestyle!

Surely there can’t be anything worse than seeing a middle aged woman making a fool of herself because she have drunk too much. It’s simply pitiful!

I come from a family, where 3 were alcoholics. It's not nice at all. They died in their 60s. Sad.

By the way, I am now addicted to chocolate. Doh!

Go to Alcoholics Anonymous. They hold meetings in Church Halls so there will be one near you. You will get the help and support you need from people like you who understand.