I’m a Pear ? the sequel part 2 !

Good morning ?. I dont think you are naive at all Whiff. Both myself and my eldest daughter are the sort to talk things through and see best in people. Obviously some people are best avoided but I thought we were quite good at that! I think we were blindsided by the length of the relationship and the closeness of the person, she was my youngest daughters god mother and legal guardian if I or my parents died. She is a very black and white person and control is very important to her. There were signs over the years of the darker side to her personality but somehow the good override the bad. During the breakdown of the relationship my eldest daughter and I endlessly tried to build bridges. In retrospect it was pointless as she didnt want to! Still at least I know I did my best. From early on my youngest daughters attitude was that this woman was just being a * and wasnt going to change! My youngest daughter has ADHD and Aspbergers. To our shame my eldest daughter and I insisted we do all we could to mend the relationship insisting my youngest daughter did the same. In retrospect, which I know is easy,she was perfectly right. ! Although she can struggle with social situations she has developed an inbuilt survival strategy over the years. She is very good at getting the measure of a person very quickly whereas I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt.! It was interesting when we both worked in the same care home. She had been there longer. Care is a strange place with many different personalities but where how well a team gel can really make the difference. I know there were a couple I wasnt to sure about,my daughter insisted they were good and she proved right.! So if nothing else I came out of a sad situation with a renewed respect for my daughter and how she had matured!
It taught me an important lesson but although a little more wary I still believe in the majority of people there is more good than bad!

Oh Whif...sorry to of missed your post Friday.....hope your feeling better in yourself......I think on this thread we have got to know each other 'virtually' and can really sound off if need be.....its best to sound off than to keep it in eh?...

Weather has been chilly but nice and sunny. Our 'old' girl wanted to go on a decent walk yesterday, we went round the woods, was lovely....she doesn't always want to walk far now so we let her decide where she wants to walk ?. ....she guides us lol and when it's time to turn back she stops , looks up at us and turns round to walk home lol...

Thank fourormore I will be sticking with the pears. You are a brilliant group of friends.

Dorset some of the things you said applied to my daughter in law. I just didn't see the signs. I always treat people the way I want to be treated . Perhaps that's naive of me. But have never seen the point of being nasty. If some is to me I can be if I want to be but find anger a negative emotion. Even when I have had to complain about things never nasty or lose my temper. If you do that you don't get things sorted. I always make a point of thanking someone if they have done a good job. People are quick to complain but don't think to say thank you . You never know if a thank you might brighten someones day.

One of the side effects of my seizure tablets is when the pain flares it's worse that ever. It flared in the night. Luckily only effecting my left arm. Why my emotions where so high yesterday might have been a prelude to the flare. It's never happened before I will just have to wait and see when I have the next one. Luckily the flares are months apart but never know what sets them off.

I had the Christmas card I had ordered for my grandson from not on the high street. Along with the card were 2 free postcards one says " You are loved" the other "When you can't find the sunshine be the sunshine" Think that is the perfect way to end this post.

Oops I just posted on old thread and so lost it!
I so hope today is a better day Whiff.?. My dad had a brother that he fell out with,but that was over business. I have two cousins who have been the closest of friends since childhood then one of them disowned the other for the flimsiest of reasons and he was heartbroken. The closest I have had was a friend of over 25years who was a major part of our family. It was quite a long story but she engineered an argument as she wanted to be friends with someone who had caused a great deal of upset to our family. Personally I would have just viewed it as her choice. For some reason she felt she had to create an argument with us in order to validate other friendship. It was total madness and totally bewildering. At the time we were grieving the death of my father and a close friend. She attempted to get people on her side,spread rumours. It was vile and shocking and hit me for 6. Four years on things are calm,friends stood by me and shes left the social group. Your sense of the unfairness and bewilderment at situation really struck home with me. For about a year I was tremendously angry. Now more rationally I can see aspects of her personality that were always there,maybe we just saw them less realistically over time. I think she may have had a mid life crisis,she done some very odd things since. Being treated so unfairly is so painful but as you say time hopefully will see your grandchilderen make contact.
I also think the current situation affects all of us,often when we least expect it and sometimes in unexpected ways. I think it was Thursday I just didn't want to get out of bed,and when I did would have happily stayed in pyjamas. I forced myself to shower and dress and felt better for it. There are moments when sadness or a sense of doom creep in,all we can do is realise we are not on our own and be gentle with ourselves. We are among friends here,and it's good to let off steam.
I leapt on scales this morning and have lost a pound,its a day early but I'm going with it!
Craftyone I think a lot depends on how much you lose. When I lost a couple of stone a few years ago I found the biggest change was the wrinkles that appeared,especially in the neck area. The only plus side of putting weight back on is they've filled out again. That said I'd rather feel lighter and healthier and comfortable in my clothes and confident. Better dig out scarves!
Good luck everyone ?

We are a band of sisters on this thread Whiff and none of us will ever mind if a fellow comrade needs to sound off!
I'm sorry I didn't see your post until this morning - I would have replied straight away but it was great you had support from NanKate and Cocopops as always.
You have been through an extraordinarily difficult time and however hard you try to file it away under 'Done' it still comes back and bites at unexpected times.
Stick with us - we are all here for you

Cocopops and NanKate thank you. Feeling back to my normal self. Unfortunately did give in to food comfort but of course that was no comfort just made me feel guilty I let myself down.

I have always been be very good a analysing why I feel a certain way. I know why I felt so low yesterday. But won't say on the thread it is no reflection on any of you. But I post regularly on another forums thread and in June my daughter in law trolled me on it. Gransnet deleted her posts and put a watch so hopefully she doesn't do it again under a different username. But the damage was done I was in the middle of a pain flare up and when the pain gets that bad I am not always so quick to think. I foolishly clicked on the link she put on writing as if she was a nan and her grandson had told her about this posting. It was on Reddit and I found out she had been writing vile things about me for at the time of reading well over a year.

I was shocked and very hurt as you can imagine. And the lies. Well it was beyond belief.

My daughter and brother think she is jealous of my relationship with my son. But I am his mother not lover and can't understand why she would feel this way.

Anyway I know they are lost to me for know. But they won't be able to control their sons forever. And one day in the future 10+ years I recon they will want to know why they have only one nan and no granddad's. And I will be here waiting if they want to know me.

I can not fault my son and daughter in law as parents as my 2 grandson's I know are wonderful and have everything a child could wish for lots of love and attention. Healthy food and a lovely home.

Thank you again and hope none of you who post here mind my melt down.

What a sad time you are going through Whiff. Breakups in families can cause so much hurt especially if you are on your own. Please concentrate on your daughter and family who show you the love you deserve. Life is not fair. Keep going my friend. ?

I'm sure most of us have the odd day when we wake up full of doom and gloom Whiff. (If you got through the day without consoling yourself with food give yourself a pet on the back)
I hope you feel better today.
If I feel someone has let me down my mantra is "happiness comes from within" and that other people's behaviour should not affect me. You can only hope things might change for the better one day ❤

Having a really bad day. Started as soon as I woke up. I really miss my son and grandson's. I don't even know the name or date of birth of their youngest. He was due in July. I never thought my son would treat me this way. I would never have thought of him as cruel or cowardly but what he and my daughter in law have done I can never forgive them. I will never trust him again. The worst thing I don't even know why he calls me vindictive and manipulative. I know my eldest grandson who is 4 and his brother 2 will have forgotten me by now. I haven't seen them since March and the last photo of them was in April. The only photo I have of their brother is a 20 week scan.

Because I feel so low today finding it hard not to just eat anything and everything . I haven't so far but it is hard.

Having my daughter,son in law and grandson helps as they love and worry about me.

Sorry this isn't what this thread is about but I don't want to join the estrangement threads as some on there seem hateful.

I can't bring myself to hate my son and daughter in law as I still love them very much. Even thought my husband never liked his parents and they were horrible we never abandoned them. Even after my father in law and later my husband died . Even though I hated his mother and she told people in my hearing she hadn't a son or grandchildren. She didn't have dementia she was just vile. I never gave up on her. Phoning and visiting regularly and at her request went to hospital appointments with her.

Sorry but I just feel so lost today. I do have family and friends I can talk to but I wouldn't be able to get the words out for crying. At least I can cry and type at the same time.

I know I will pull myself together soon . But I just miss my husband all the more when I feel this way and I know if he was here he would make everything right.

Just feeling sorry for myself. I don't usually and don't really understand why it's so bad today. I will post this as I just need to get it off my chest.

Hope none of you mind.

Glad you got help Whiff.

We’ve all been there CocoPops. ?

Cocopops ouch. Glad I still have some flab on my bum. My daughter gave me a telling off.

It's a blip and it's wasn't losing the plot it was celebrating seeing your friend and no likes to see food go to waste. It's a new week .

Good to hear you are OK after landing on your butt Whiff. Reminded me of when I slipped on wet grass when walking my dog. I dislocated and broke my ankle in 3 places... snap, snap, snap! I sat and waited for help and a young, strong, guy came by, hoisted me up and helped me home by cab. He fed my dog her breakfast, called 911 and off l went for surgery. Fine'n'dandy now and lesson learnt to be more aware and to wear trainers with really good anti- slip soles!
I've put 2 lbs on because I lost the plot over Halloween celebrations ( pumpkin pie and icecream). Also friends who I last saw 2 years ago came for lunch and I made a special 3- course lunch but stupidly scoffed all the left overs. So today I will do a menu plan and turn over a new leaf. Keep up the good work friends.

NanKate it was a fall. I had my last 6 plants delivered on Saturday even though it was raining heavily. I donned my waterproof trousers, coat and wellies. Planted 4 them noticed a rubber cap thingy was missing off on of the canes. I have very large rocks in my rockery . Like a fool stood on it instead of the earth and slipped and ended up going backwards into to my lawn . Luckily it's artificial so didn't land in mud. Sat myself up thought I was ok. Once down I can't get back up by myself. Luckily my home improvements guys had phoned to say they where coming to fix my new gate. So I phoned them to see if they were on the way they were. But got held up in traffic. So ended up sitting on the lawn for 15 mins. But was bone dry and warm very good wellies and waterproofs. Because I didn't hurt anywhere planted the last 2 plants.

Next morning back of my neck hurt. Must have given myself whip lash. Told my daughter she said I needed a rice sock didn't know what that was and didn't have any rice. My home improvements guy came to put a coat of varnish on my gate and frame. My daughter came round with rice. Used cotton socks. One inside the other my thinking was if the one on the outside got grubby only had to wash that and not empty out the rice. 30 secs in the microwave bliss. Just reheated it when it cooled. Didn't need it yesterday. And today could exercise.

Sorry it's long winded but that's what happened.

Anyway thank for the concern.

I hope you are ok Whiff. Not sure if your fall was an actual physical one or if you ate what you shouldn’t. Whatever I am pleased you are ok now. ?

Well just made my whatever soup. No fresh veg until my delivery next week. So it's made up of lentils of course, frozen courgettes, toms, broccoli and cauliflower. Plenty of herbs, veg oxo, squeeze of garlic puree and tom. Need to order extra fresh veg to freeze. I know it will be good as I'm a brilliant cook lol. Apart from muffins which always came out like rubber balls. So haven't attempted them since my husband died.

You are so right NanKate. At least my neck feels better and can exercise again. Must be stricter and not go over my allowance that way my weight will hopefully start to move downwards. I least I know I can maintain a weight.

I always try and see a positive side to things . Even with my fall Saturday the positive out if that was finding about a rice sock. 30 secs in the microwave and bliss and my wellies , waterproof trousers and jacket are totally water proof and warm. Haven't always seen the positive side to things but realised after my husband died negativity is a destructive emotion. Don't get me wrong sometimes I struggle to find a positive but even if it's something silly I can manage it. Could just be a funny shaped cloud. I know I am weird but it's what's me get through each day.

Have a good day everyone. And keep your mind and body active during lockdown.

I’ve no excuse now we are in Lockdown. I have time to sort out all my old paperwork on my NHS healthy eating plan and to start counting calories again. I’ve let things slip and I want to lose the extra weight that has crept up on me recently.

Weight lose and maintaining a healthy weight is a constant battle, but one worth doing.

Lol whiff chin up stomachs in
..that did make me chuckle.

Thanks girls.

Beechnut the main thing you haven't given up. All we can do is keep trying. Our lives are all upside down this year. But the main thing is not to give in . I am a stubborn person. When I set my mind to do something I do it no matter how long it takes me. Usually along with a string of swear words especially if it something I can't open. But you usually work out a solution. May take me hours or in some cases days but I get there. Think you are the same.

Keep going and stay safe.

Well done Shirley
I very up and down. Let’s see if lockdown can make a difference to my weight in a good way. ?

Shirleyw brilliant weight loss. You saying about getting craft supplies in reminds me I had better put in an order for my DMC threads and check my supply of Aida .

Enjoy your meet ups. Luckily I am in a bubble with my daughter and family so we can still see eachother as usual.

Chin up stomachs in and we will all get through this.

Take care everyone

Thankyou nankate.... Part 3 of pear, fantastic.

I've lost I and a quarter pounds this week.....2 stones and 1 lb and a quarter in 12 weeks. The start of week 13 now. I have been logging on the NHS better health app and putting in my calories there, it's an excellent app....I'd like to lose about a stone and a couple pounds so I had to go back to week 1.

I'm on annual leave this week, I hope to do some brisk walking around the 'block' I can't run outside now as I shall slip on the grass and mud as I go round the park....I won't be running around the block ???.....
Today I'm meeting a friend for a coffee then onto wool shop for supplies then Tuesday meeting daughter for the last time for a month....I'm also going to a fantastic fabric shop so I won't get bored....apparently Saturday was the busiest day they ever had as people were getting in there supplies lol....they do do a good on line service which I used in the first lockdown.

Stay safe all

Sorry forgot to say brilliant weight loss Craftyone.

NanKate great to be on the third part.

Craftyone after decades of being grossly over weight unfortunately my skin has not gone back. It has to a small extent. But the only people who will see the sagging baggy me are doctors or nurses. So I just embrace the new me. The only way to get rid of the excess skin is surgery but I will not be wasting valuable surgical hours plus it would cost me a fortune. I am happy being me.