Feeder Partner/Husband

That's good news about your husband, V3ra. I shall live in hope!

MrB does not avoid fruit and veg and I cook our main meal (one course) from scratch but it seems the urge for something extra later in the evening is hard to challenge even when, theoretically, he shouldn't be hungry.

I might store up that Magnum info for use sometime.

Grammy666 have you been to talk to your doctor about losing weight? They can help.
Baggs my husband has been overweight for years, and in complete denial about any long-term consequences.

However... A few months ago he went to the doctor about something. I don't know what was said about his weight, but he came home with a "prescription" for twelve weeks free membership of Slimming World.
To my surprise he actually went, and lost 3st during that time.
He's still going and is a complete convert. He's virtually taken over the cooking at home and we all eat the same.

He's been amazed at what a variety of foods he can eat in unlimited quantities, and it's made him realise how the little treats add up. His previous after-dinner Magnum every night for instance added up to 2000 calories, or an extra days worth each week.

It is something we have to take responsibility for ourselves, but without the support at home it must be so hard.

My DH is similar to Baggs DH.
His diet is appalling - I do control amounts but cannot make him eat fruit or veg. He has never eaten them and won't start now. Even the diagnosis of Type 2 Diabetes didn't phase him as he controls it with insulin.
We eat totally different things.
He is a lovely man but oh dear his DM has a lot to answer for! She used to pander to him and then when he was so thin she had him put on steroids to liven his appetite up!!
By the time I got him the habits were set in stone!

There’s always somebody though isn’t there?
Whether a family member
“I love you the way you are”
A so-called friend
“You don’t want to lose too much, it will show in your face”
Or a colleague who brings home bakes in to work
“Go on, we’ve earned it”
It’s undermining and insidious -and in a relationship, controlling.
I have seen young women in slimming clubs who have started, possibly trying to lose baby weight, looking plump and lacking self confidence, but then blossom as they lose weight and rediscover their self confidence because they know they look attractive.
This can be destabilising for a partner who might have to face competition!

Sorry Baggs that was for your post of 10.19. I’m afraid the ‘it can’t happen to me’ attitude prevails until it does happen but at least it’s treatable nowadays.

It's a difficult one. I suppose I'm lucky in that I'm not bothered about sweet things so I could resist them. My husband used to eat a lot of sweet things and was surprised to be diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes as he has always been very slim and walks miles most days. He's more or less given up sweet things now, just has the occasional treat. His diabetes is under control. Good luck Grammy

Germanshepherdsmum

Sounds like your husband is well on the way to Type 2 Diabetes Baggs. The doctor would ensure he changed his lifestyle then.

Sadly not always the case! I know someone whose husband is obese and diabetic and he just sits carries on eating pies cakes etc. And takes no exercise at all.

Grammy666 I could have written your post myself! When I met DH, over 20 years ago, I was extremely slim. No longer. He fills the cupboards with biscuits, cakes, crisps etc and there's ice cream in the freezer. He dishes out all this stuff for me as well as himself and I just have no willpower. I have begged him not to buy it but he says he gets hungry and I don't have to eat it if I don't want to. But I DO want to.... that's the trouble. He, I would add, is extremely slim and has perfect BP readings! Where can I acquire some willpower?

Grammy Feeders are often insecure people who want to keep their partner overweight so that she won't leave him. I'm not saying your husband falls into this category but just pointing out that there is often a reason for a feeder person to want the status quo to stay the same. They feel threatened.

I saw it with an old friend and her husband.

???

Germanshepherdsmum

I hope it doesn’t happen Baggs but it would make him see sense. My husband was very similar and the diagnosis changed his eating habits dramatically. He’s much more sensible now, on medication and in remission.

Oh, he sees sense already but it's just too hard apparently without something shocking giving him a thorough shove! Very worrying, really.

On the funny side, when Minibaggs was home from uni once, MrB ate one of his pains au chocolat out of a pack of four and she ate the rest for her breakfast. MrB was quite put out even though he claims to have bought them with her in mind. I seem to recall he introduced her to them when she was quite young.

He asked me what had happened to them. I replied: "There's a teenager in the house." ?

I hope it doesn’t happen Baggs but it would make him see sense. My husband was very similar and the diagnosis changed his eating habits dramatically. He’s much more sensible now, on medication and in remission.

That's what worries me, gsm. His mother developed Type 2 diabetes.

Sounds like your husband is well on the way to Type 2 Diabetes Baggs. The doctor would ensure he changed his lifestyle then.

I sympathise, Grammy, but I can tell you what it's like from the other side, so to speak. I hide sweet treats from my husband because he needs to lose weight and has a sedentary lifestyle. My life is not sedentary, I don't need to lose weight, and I enjoy a piece of cake when I get home from work. I make my own cakes, cut them into pieces and freeze the pieces.

So MrB could, in theory, snaffle some from the freezer but he doesn't. What he does instead is go out to the shop, which is just over a mile away, in the car and buys packs of scones, pains au chocolat, crumpets, brioche rolls, crackers and cheese and scoffs them all himself. He'll sometimes eat a whole pack of pains au chocolat in one day. He says he hasn't got a sweet tooth. Last night he went out for a bottle of Japanese beer.

I've suggested he walk to the shop for his treats, not to burn calories so much as to just get some exercise. I think he might have walked once.

So, eventually, after years of trying to help him restrict his eating, I've given up. I am not repsonsible for his eating habits and I've told him not to tell me next time he's "dieting". The dieting phases never last more than a couple of weeks anyway.

I think the problem is several-fold: bad eating habits started early in life; the difficulty of changing habits; the difficulty of sticking to a food regime that really isn't comfortable; propensity to what I think is a mild form of addiction. And so on and so on. So I sympathise with his problem as well.

But there's bugger all I can do about it – not for want of trying over the years.

Maybe your husband feels the same and his putting sweet food where you can see it is his way of telling you that it's your problem, not his.

Throwing the stuff out for the birds is a good tactic. Good luck and all the best .

I would treat this as a personal challenge and use it to strengthen your will power!! Try to keep all these calorific foods out of sight, plan your own meals in advance, and let your partner crack on and eat them if he wants to.
Personally I'd be a bit upset at his lack of support, but only you know if there is more to it than that......