How can I encourage DH to change lifestyle

Norah - you have mentioned "leading by example" a number of times. However that doesn't always work. In my case, I've always eaten fairly healthily and when I cook I try to use little fat when frying or bake in preference. My OH can see this but he always smothers food in oil and butter and loves to deep fry.!

People are different and marriages are different so what works for one couple may not work for others.

In my view anything has to come from the person themselves. I speak from experience, change has to come from within.

X

He has to want to do it himself.

My friend has a son of 40 and he looks like a heart attack waiting to happen. She worries about him as he must weigh 25stone - 30 stones.

He does physical work and has no trouble getting his lovely wife pregnant at regular intervals. He recently went for a GP check up at my friend’s insistence. Apart from being terribly overweight his BP, cholesterol, heart rate and everything they tested was fine. He said the GP could not believe it.

Farmor15

Norah - you have mentioned "leading by example" a number of times. However that doesn't always work. In my case, I've always eaten fairly healthily and when I cook I try to use little fat when frying or bake in preference. My OH can see this but he always smothers food in oil and butter and loves to deep fry.!

People are different and marriages are different so what works for one couple may not work for others.

Indeed, I did mention 'lead by example' in response to OP request for tips to encourage her husband. It was my notion of what may work, apparently not for you in your marriage different to mine.

I wonder if my husband would look at himself, if he was growing out of his clothing? I'd not mention such, I reckon he'd note jeans didn't fit?

I wonder if my husband would look at himself, if he was growing out of his clothing? I'd not mention such, I reckon he'd note jeans didn't fit?

Mine noticed, and just bought bigger and bigger trousers, up to a 44" waist 🤷

My husband gradually piled on the weight over many years.
When our two sons were teenagers, and eating accordingly, he'd complain I'd served them a bigger dinner than him.
His blood pressure was high, his cholesterol was high. He weighed over 20 stone. His knees hurt.
Nothing I said or did had any effect.
My Mum compained why did I let him eat so much? I told her we ate out of the same cupboards.
I'd serve a decent dinner, and come down in the morning to toast crumbs all over the worktop.
The multipacks of crisps in the back of his car were "for the lads at work."
The nurse at our surgery who did my annual checkup said I needed to stop worrying about him as it would affect my health. I pointed out to her that he was my future and it was hard not to, but I told him what she had said.
I also told him, in a fit of temper, that if he ever ended up incapacitated in a wheelchair then he'd damn well lose weight then because I wouldn't bring him all this food.

Finally, after many years, a comment was made about seeing our granddaughter reach the age of 30, or not.
That struck home and he talked to our GP.
She offered a free 12 weeks at Slimming World, Weight Watchers, exercise sheets, videos, whatever he wanted.
He chose Slimming World as people at work were following it with success and would help support him.
I was sceptical, but he is a total SW convert.
In two and a half years he has dropped from over 20 stone to under 14 stone. He's back in a 36" waist trouser and his knees no longer hurt all the time.
I still find it hard to believe!

Is this dangerously high cholesterol? Or has his level just reached the point where G.P. guidelines trigger a prescription for statins?

It's a man thing I think! I have similar issues - my DH insists on eating a big chunk of cheese, cream crackers and pickled onions for supper, close to bedtime, then wonders why he has difficulty sleeping!!! He insists he has always done this and always slept badly but will not accept my idea that maybe eating carbs, fats and very acidic foods for supper means his digestive system has to remain awake to cope with it ... and therefore so does he! .... and I won't even mention pickled onion breath notwithstanding the minty toothpaste!

I agree that you cannot change another adult, only help him change if he wants to.

Those who say you can make healthier meals yourself, are, of course, right, but the problem remains: can you get your DH to eat them if you do?

The only suggestion I feel I can make and I don't think anyone has actually made it, is that you try to ask your husband calmly if he intends to follow the diet his doctor or dietician hasn outlined or not? Tell him, as you have told us, that you worry about him, and that you hate the thought that you might loose him due to this health problem.

He might, just might, change some of his habits if he knows how concerned you are about his health. He certainly won't if he feels you are nagging, or if he feels the food he is "allowed" to eat is uninteresting.

Monica When DH had his heart attack, I had a consultation with a dietician about what we ate, on a score of 12, the family diet scored 10. I lost points because I use rape seed oil rather than olive oil - and I use very little oil anyway - and we do not eat nuts very much.
Monica Did they explain why rapeseed oil scores down? I use that too. I thought it was good!

My Dad had a heart attack and bypass 30+ years ago.
My Mum was told to use rapeseed oil, that's what was recommended for heart patients at the time.
Maybe olive oil wasn't so readily available back then?

Encourage him to carry on. Make sure he's got a Will in place

I can relate to this, hubby has high cholesterol, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, and is very inactive. I have tried nagging, coaxing, educating him, and all to no avail. He cant ( or wont) see the link between high sugar and neuropathy, high cholesterol and rubbish eating. Annoyingly he is the one who is a decent weight. He eats 3 decent meals a day, healthy, well balanced meals that I prepare. But then thinks nothing of coffee and 6 rich tea, or when I have gone to bed at 10 will eat crisps and whatever else he can find. Like other I supply healthy snacks, at a large cost to the budget, so he will eat a healthy snack and biscuits on top of it. He will buy and eat rubbish when out.

I am the one who has always eaten a healthy low fat low sugar diet, or as healthy as I can considering I have a long list of food allergies including raw fruit and veg, and dairy, and a swallowing problem, so I consume on average less than 1500 low calorie low sugar high fibre calories a day and am still obese. Never bothered me when I walked 20000 steps in a shift at work, cycled 100 miles a week and long dog walks every day, but now due to a long term asthma flare up I barely leave the house.

Nothing men are stubborn and selfish

You married him for who he is why change him end of day it’s his body his choice if he knows what could happen to him he has to do it for him not you

High cholesterol is not always “bad” - normally there are 4 readings: Triglycerides, LDL, HDL and VLDL. I recently read this book: “The Great Cholesterol Myth” by cardiologist Dr. Stephen Sinatra to gain a greater understanding of my “high” cholesterol. Sugar/alcohol/carbs are generally much more of an issue than cholesterol.

Absolutely, 4thJulySunshine . My Triglycderides skew my readings as they are higher. No amount of cutting fat will help that.
I don't really understand why M0nica's GP would mark her down for Rapeseed oil as it is a good source of Omega 3's and good as an antioxidant. Olive oil is great as long as it is not used at high heat which is why we moved over to Rapeseed Oil.

Giving advice is not usually the way to get someone else to change their diet/do healthy things. They have to want to do it, even if you buy only healthy stuff you can't stop him having stuff outside the house. What I guess you can do is tell him how worried you are, and hope that moves him. And if you cook cook healthily, if he cooks, ask him to cook healthily for you and hope that at least the meals atnhie are good.
As @4JulySunshine says, sugar and carbs are things to cut down on/cut out. I have done this and my cholesterol has improved even though I've given up low fat stuff. Lots of low fat stuff has sugar in, upping my protein, and cutting carbs has meant that I'm not so hungry so easier to eat leaa

My friend’s son who I mentioned earlier CAN lose weight very easily but puts it all back on again plus more. About 5 years ago he went to Slimming World and lost about 8 stones really quickly. It just fell off him. Some weeks he was losing nearly a stone.

However, as soon as he started introducing a few things back into his diet (mainly alcohol, pastry items and ice cream) the weight just piled on again and some.

However, as soon as he started introducing a few things back into his diet (mainly alcohol, pastry items and ice cream) the weight just piled on again and some.

Well, there's a surprise... 🙄

Callistemon21

You can try but some people do have naturally high cholesterol. Cook foods which are low in cholesterol, without making a point of it.

A friend's DH ate a very bad diet and she worried about him, but when they went to be tested, his levels were very low indeed and hers were above normal levels.

Yes, an ex colleague who is slim and eats healthily has high cholesterol - it runs in her family.

Sorry Primrose53 that wasn't meant to sound rude.

mindless assumptions of how relationships work based on who does what in a house is simplistic and ignorant
Ooh, I love that. I might get it printed on a tee shirt.
Some people assume that because my oh does all the food shopping and cooking I do nothing.

My DH has a dodgy heart and has been "pre-diabetic" for some years. At last some of the courses and advice he's been given seem to have rubbed off.
He's not a big drinker but has been drinking less and has nuts now for a healthy snack rather than KitKats, I simply don't buy them any longer.
We still go out for a meal once or twice a week, but try to go at lunchtime and then don't eat much in the evening.
I give him a good breakfast, usually eggs and toast, so he's not ravenous by lunchtime.
His cholestrol levels have usually been better than mine, but his blood sugar has been harder to control, possibly inherited as his father was diabetic.
We've found that brown basmati rice is actually quite nice, far from the lentils and sandal image it has. We rarely eat white bread, usually having a Tesco loaf with oats included. Both of these take longer to digest so release sugars more slowly.
I believe that it's small changes that make the difference in the end, he's pretty resistant to change in some respects so I tread carefully.

MerylStreep Some people assume that because my oh does all the food shopping and cooking I do nothing.

Annoying init? I intensely dislike the assumption a sahm does nothing all day, apart from eating biscuits and gaining weight.

You can make little changes that won’t hurt too much and hopefully won’t be noticed. My DH is not a fan of vegetables and is diabetic. I make cottage pie / shepherd’s pie (his favourite) and top with half potato and half swede. Reduces his carbs and introduces more veg. I also add loads of diced carrots into the mince. Making small changes to his favourite meals might be a good start.